So, you’ve decided to open your heart and have fallen in love with someone who makes you feel dizzy and your heart flutters.
You’ve been in a relationship that initially made you feel happy… but now you’re feeling drained and wondering if you made a huge mistake.
You’ve discovered that this person, who initially made you feel like you were in a fairy tale, is a narcissist hiding behind that intoxicating charm.
If you’ve experienced or are currently dating a narcissist, you need to understand the emotional toll it can take on you.
In this article, we’ll explore dating a narcissist and what you need to know to deal with the emotional challenges that come with it.
Understanding Narcissism: What Are the Red Flags?
Before we get into the emotional toll of dating a narcissist, it’s important to first understand what narcissism is.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a condition in which a person has an exaggerated sense of self-importance and a deep need for admiration.
When you first meet someone, you may feel attracted. Narcissists can be charming and charismatic and will do anything to make you fall in love with them – showering you with compliments, being overly affectionate, and showering you with gifts.
This is called love bombing. My goodness, it can be really hard to resist this level of temptation, especially if you’ve never been treated that way before!
But – and this is an important point – they are also manipulative and exploit others to achieve their goals.
This ugly truth will show over time. Here are the signs that you’re dating a narcissist:
- Lack of empathy
- Unrealistic sense of entitlement
- Tendency to exploit and take advantage of others
- Need to be the center of attention
- Arrogant behaviors and attitudes
- Believing they are exceptionally special
There are many other signs, but the ones listed above are the most reliable indicators of narcissism.
Why is dating a narcissist stressful?
Dating a narcissist can be emotionally taxing. Over time, you’ll find yourself feeling worthless, confused, angry, and self-doubting.
Why is this?
Let’s delve into how narcissists can wreak real havoc on your emotional and mental health.
1) Your Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence Decrease
Have you ever noticed how your partner never seems interested in learning more about you or caring about your preferences? Do they always think they’re right and you’re wrong?
Trust me, this can be incredibly lonely and isolating. You may start to feel ashamed of the things you like or dislike, and you may even start to believe that you’re always wrong, which will lead you down an endless path of self-doubt.
Since they never care about what you have to say, you’ll eventually fall into the trap of believing that you’re so inferior and worthless that your thoughts don’t matter.
This cycle continues until…
2) You May Lose Your Identity
As your sense of self-worth declines, so does your sense of independence. Whereas you used to make your own decisions with confidence, you may now find yourself looking to your partner for validation and permission to do things.
This dynamic turns your relationship into a one-sided one, with your partner taking control and your freedom, identity, and ability to express yourself diminishing.
3) You’re afraid of upsetting them
Another problem with narcissists is that they’re unstable and unpredictable. Anything can set them off and send them into a rage.
So what does a normal person do to deal with this?
Well, it’s pretty simple—most of us want to avoid confrontation and arguments, right?
So, subconsciously, you start to tread very carefully around them, avoiding any impression that you’re criticizing or contradicting them. Your previously confident steps become extremely cautious as if you’re walking on eggshells.
Not only that but whenever they get angry…
4) You may blame yourself for everything
“It’s your fault I’m angry, you’re always doing [insert behavior]!”
“If only you had listened to me, we wouldn’t be in this mess.”
And the ever-reliable “Look what you made me do!”
Do these phrases sound familiar? This is a classic narcissistic trait—the need to blame others for their problems and flaws.
Remember, they see themselves as perfect and superior, so it makes sense to them that someone else should be responsible for anything that goes wrong.
And the worst part? You believe them. They’ve manipulated you for so long that you’ve started to agree with anything they say.
5) You Put Your Needs Aside and Put Theirs First
As I mentioned earlier, narcissists have an unrealistic sense of entitlement. They want you to treat them special and will make you feel selfish if you put your needs above theirs.
Combine that with the fear of upsetting them, and you’ll learn to give in to their needs, all to avoid aggression.
That’s the problem with toxic love – you can’t win.
You can get stuck in this type of relationship for years if you don’t know how to break free.
I get it – I’ve been there. I’ve been in my share of toxic relationships.
RELATED:Effects of narcissistic abuse on future relationships
Luckily, I came across an amazing free video by world-renowned shaman Rhoda Iande, who showed me exactly how I was conditioned to accept toxic love.
I learned how to stop self-sabotaging and fooling myself into believing that this horrible relationship could get me what I wanted.
6) You Feel Used
Here’s another sad truth about narcissists – they don’t see you as a person. In their eyes, you’re just an object whose sole purpose is to serve them.
As hard as it may be to admit, they’ll use you to get what they want, and before you know it, you’ll feel used and disrespected.
Speaking of respect…
7) You Feel Your Boundaries Are Not Respected
This goes along with the previous point I made – narcissists don’t respect other people’s boundaries; They do what they need to do to get what they want!
They’ll make you do things you don’t want to do, and because you’re already feeling insecure and worthless, you’ll continue to do so, regardless of whether it’s far beyond what you’re willing to give.
All of this adds up to make you feel mentally or even physically uncomfortable. Toxic levels of criticism, bullying, and disrespect can lead to serious issues like eating disorders, stress disorders, or trauma.
Dealing with the Emotional Burden
So, now that you know how damaging a narcissist can be to your emotional health, how do you cope? Here are some ways to get started:
Practicing Self-Care
All healthy love begins with loving yourself. The more you take care of your own needs, the less likely you are to experience the insecurity and self-esteem erosion that dating a narcissist can cause.
Here are some ideas: In general, people with low self-esteem or those who tend to attract toxic relationships may be more likely to date a narcissist.
So, if you’re in a vulnerable emotional state or someone who’s been in a toxic or abusive relationship, you may find it difficult to resist the charm of a narcissist.
That’s why it’s essential to master self-care. Self-care activities like meditation, exercise, or hobbies can help you deal with the stress and anxiety associated with these types of relationships.
Finally, focus on your personal growth and self-discovery to help you regain control and rebuild your self-esteem.
Set Boundaries
Along with self-care comes the need to set and stick to your boundaries. If you don’t want to do something they want you to do, be confident enough to say no.
And think about this – if you can’t stand up for yourself, who will?
Seek Support
Surround yourself with a strong network of friends, family, or a therapist who can help you process your feelings and provide you with a safe, supportive, non-judgmental space.
Final Thoughts
The tricky thing about narcissists is that they’re often charming and charismatic. They can hide their true motives and personalities well.
If you’re not careful, it’s easy to fall for their charm and fail to spot the red flags. Before you know it, you’ll find yourself stuck in a black hole that’s draining your emotions.
If you’re currently dealing with a narcissist, it may be worth seeking professional help to guide you through this difficult period.
Dealing with this type of person can be a long and difficult process, but be patient – you will get to where you want to be. The fact that you’re here now, reading this article, is a good sign that you’re ready to break free.
Remember, it’s important to prioritize your emotional well-being and take care of yourself. And don’t forget – you deserve better! Repeat this phrase daily – “I deserve better,” and you’ll begin to see that you truly do deserve better.
