You’ve heard them play the violin, you’ve seen them whine and try to be real victims – it’s true – narcissists love to make everyone think they’ve been wronged.
Is it always someone else’s fault?
Well… you know the answer – absolutely not!
Narcissists want you to be labeled the bad guy so they don’t get criticized, but knowing why they do it is the key to unleashing your innocence and moving away from their toxicity.
Let’s take a look at why narcissists love to be front and center when it comes to playing the victim.
Narcissists & The Victim Mentality
Narcissists aren’t like you and me. They have
LifeIsHard!
Narcissists have no trouble getting past your boundaries, but they will act like their life is really hard while they’re doing it. This makes it impossible for you to say that you feel something is wrong and for anyone to hear you.
Life is hard for narcissists. They don’t like the unfairness of being subjected to other people’s anger or inappropriate behavior, and because of that, they will completely destroy you with their way of dealing with others.
What they need when life gets tough is a big dose of empathy, and they can get that by admitting to anyone who will listen how hard their life is.
How busy they are.
How stressed out and unappreciated they are.
Related : 5 Reasons Why Narcissists Call You A Narcissist
How their doctor can’t make time for them as soon as possible.
How bad the traffic was (for them only…no one else…).
How they saved up for a huge house, a fancy car, and a great vacation, but now the bills are skyrocketing.
There’s nothing harder than a narcissist’s life.
Boo hoo, right?
They love control
When a narcissist plays the victim, it usually means they want to play the victim. Now, they can do this in dozens of ways, but playing the victim is one of their favorite ways.
The narcissist will think, “Hey, you know what I really need? I need someone to give me all the attention in the world and remind me how great I am.”
Suddenly. Not only do they have control, they have a lot of attention.
A narcissist is only happy if they are the one pulling the strings and painting the exact picture they want to see—no matter who gets hurt in the process.
It’s annoying, I know.
Manipulation is Their Game
Whether it’s covert or overt, a narcissist will manipulate any situation to work to their advantage. It’s like molding a lump of clay into whatever you want it to be—and they do it very well. Most people may not notice it, but once you spot the signs of a narcissist, you simply can’t ignore them.
Woe is me!
A narcissist can’t even utter the word compassion, let alone allow its meaning to enter their life in a positive way. That doesn’t mean they don’t still need it. They need what they lack or they’ll fall apart completely, so to get it, they play the victim.
And they play it very well.
AttentionY’all!
The attention a narcissist craves comes from a few different places. One is boredom – they need to have some drama because they’re not content living a peaceful life.
The other is the simple fact that a narcissist needs it to help them forget how much they hate themselves inside.
Think about it, if a narcissist is getting attention from someone – anyone – it means they’re being validated. They can be as cruel and horrible as they want to be, but if they find the right person, they can forget all that and remember how great they are.
If no one is focusing on them – they can’t stand it. They need to feel important, so they act like there’s something important going on. This usually means they either brag… or whine and play the victim.
What a beautiful person they are…
“I don’t deserve this.”
“Everything I do is for people.”
“How come they treat me this way?”
“I’ve worked and I’ve worked… and why?”
“I might be sick… I need to get some tests done. Why me?”
Related : Fact vs. Fiction: Do Narcissists Really Believe Their Own Lies?
If you can think of a reason why they call themselves these good people, you can bet they’ll be talking directly to the world.
What they want to hear is:
“Poor me!”
“Can I do anything to help?”
“You’re amazing, you have the power to do this!”
What does this do? It fuels the idea that they’re good and that people love and care about them.
Playing the victim is part of a larger plan that gets them into the minds and thoughts of others so that they’re always part of something.
Don’t_Take_It_Anymore!
If you fall into the trap of victimizing narcissists, you’ll likely never make the same mistake again. Hearing their sad stories and how hard life is for them is what makes them relatable to you.
The positive attention they get feeds their self-esteem, because they can’t do it themselves.
Imagine what kind of life that is?
Deep down… they are so sad and so lonely.
That sense of emotional stability they seek everywhere was never offered to them or offered to them as children. They grew up lacking a basic, essential kind of care and affection – so they quickly learned how to steal it from everyone.
Have compassion for any narcissist who longs to be a victim. Try not to love them any more because of it.
Instead, wish for their life to be better one day.
Remember:
A narcissist is not a victim. They don’t lack anything other than what they already lack inside. They need your attention, but it has to be something you withhold from them, for your own sanity.
Related : 5 Ways To Stop Attracting Narcissists
Empathy comes from a mutual understanding that someone is suffering and how you can help them. Narcissists can’t understand, so they lack empathy altogether.
Use your instincts so you don’t fall into playing the narcissist’s fiddle. They will happily stop what they are doing to listen to you and take the time to feel sorry for them. Focus on yourself. Take everything they say about others with a grain of salt. You don’t need to hear how unfair they were. If you encounter a problem, remember that there are two sides to every story, and not everyone, especially a narcissist, will tell both sides.
