Key Points

Narcissistic parents may lack empathy and have unrealistic expectations.

Narcissistic parents may expect their children to meet their selfish needs.

Children of narcissistic parents may have low self-esteem and difficulty setting boundaries.

Adult children of narcissistic parents may continue to have healthy relationships with themselves and others.

Having a narcissistic parent can damage a child’s self-esteem, self-concept, and how they see the world. As adults, they may unknowingly be attracted to narcissistic partners or exhibit some of their parents’ pathological behaviors.

Narcissistic parents often exhibit certain common behaviors that can affect their children:

Excessive selfishness. Narcissistic parents may prioritize their own needs and desires over those of their children. They may expect constant attention and admiration from their children and expect children to meet their own needs—and resent the child’s uniqueness or independence.

Lack of empathy. Narcissistic individuals often lack empathy, which is a key component of healthy parenting. They may struggle to understand and respond to their child’s emotional needs. The narcissistic parent views their own needs as the most important, leaving no room for the child’s feelings or emotions.

Control and manipulation. The narcissistic parent may seek to control the children’s lives and decisions, viewing them as extensions of themselves. They may use manipulation to maintain this control. The narcissistic parent may try to gain control through shame and guilt. The parent will tell the child, or demonstrate through their actions, that the child is a burden and that if they were a better child, the parent would be happy. The root issue is that the narcissistic parent will never be satisfied.

Related : 7 signs you’re dating a man who wants you to mother him rather than be a true girlfriend

Unrealistic Expectations. Narcissistic parents may have high and often unrealistic expectations for their children, leading to constant pressure to perform and please others. An unattainable standard has been set, and the child, to please the parent, will work tirelessly to try to do what they feel will ultimately make their parents love and accept them. Even if the child meets the unrealistic standard set by the narcissist, the narcissistic parent will create a new, unattainable standard.

Effects of Narcissistic Parenting on Children

Low Self-Esteem. Constant criticism and feelings of not being “good enough” can lead to low self-esteem. Children of narcissistic parents may suffer from low self-esteem and self-doubt. They may question whether they have a right to their feelings, opinions, desires, and needs.

Emotional Neglect. The emotional needs of the child may be neglected, as the narcissistic parent focuses primarily on their own emotions and desires. This can lead to emotional detachment and difficulty forming healthy relationships. A narcissistic parent may not have enough space for the child’s feelings, wants, and needs. The child may be told in various ways that they take up too much space just by being there.

Anxiety and depression. Pressure to meet unrealistic expectations and emotional turmoil at home can contribute to anxiety and depression. A narcissistic parent may resist therapy for their child, as it would distract from the parent, and the parent may not want the child to reveal how they are being treated at home. A narcissistic parent may set expectations so high for the child that a lifelong feeling of not being “good enough” can manifest.

Difficulty setting boundaries. Children raised by narcissistic parents may struggle to set healthy boundaries in their relationships, perpetuating a cycle of dysfunction. According to Salvador Minuchin, founder of structural family therapy, there are three types of boundaries: pervasive, healthy (clear), and strict (Hyatt-Burkhardt, 2019). People with diffuse boundaries may agree to do things they don’t want to do and then later become upset. They may also participate in social situations, perhaps to gain acceptance from others. People with strict boundaries don’t reveal much information in social situations and may cut off communication if they feel someone is getting too emotionally close. Healthy or clear boundaries are those in which a person’s boundaries are consistent with their values ​​and beliefs, and they feel comfortable setting a standard for how they should be treated.

Recurring Patterns

Unfortunately, children of narcissistic parents are at risk of becoming narcissists themselves or attracting narcissistic partners as adults, continuing the cycle of unhealthy relationships. While a child of a narcissist may not qualify for a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), they may exhibit harmful traits as adults. For example, they may deceive their partner to create dependency. If an adult child of a narcissist realizes that they have carried past behaviors into the present, they may seek help through therapy. Through self-reflection and guidance, they can continue to have healthy relationships with themselves and others.