I had recently been divorced and detoxed from a decade of sameness and was feeling sad and vulnerable. Through learning how to get over a breakup and heal, I found myself dating a narcissist.
He picked up on my weakness and my broken heart like a predator with keen but unnatural instincts. The kind that preys on sport, rather than survival.
I didn’t know, but he had been following me online for over a year, long enough to highlight my weaknesses and insecurities. Then came my divorce and with it the big prize.
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His study and analysis made the next step incredibly easy. He knew every affirmation I longed to hear, and from the moment he started turning, he said these affirmations daily, word for word, in the same order.
you are the most beautiful. You are the smartest. You are the most attractive woman I have ever seen in my life. You are the best mother. You are the most ridiculous. You are kinder. You are the skinniest. You are cute. How am I so lucky that you like me so much? You like me so much! No one has ever made me this happy. We are the same person. You like me so much!
The first few times I read the script, I was mesmerized and completely swept off my feet. My fainting was so severe that my pupils were quickly replaced by brightly dilated hearts.
By about the tenth reading, I was still wagging my tail and eagerly accepting its rewards, even though I was secretly beginning to long for something less predictable. At the very least, to mix things up a bit, perhaps flip the order. Maybe he might get a little crazy, and come up with something new and unexpected, like, “You have the best white girl ass I’ve ever seen.”
But flattery is flattery, and my self-esteem was so low that I wouldn’t need more than an occasional chest brush from the man who was bagging my groceries to brighten my day.
Moreover, he was sincere, with a big heart to match his smile. So what if it’s not the most authentic? He adored me and showered me with endless attention. This in turn made me shower again. Shaving, even.
We would talk for hours on the phone at night like teenagers. Only, we didn’t have to hide under the covers with our emergency backup phone. Not long after, we agreed to meet up, as we both needed to be sure that the physical attraction was on par with the emotional attraction.
Before I knew it, I was at the airport, waiting for his plane to arrive. When I first saw it, it was a little thinner than I expected, but overall it wasn’t too shabby. Then it happened: the first kiss. Well, it wasn’t the best, but kissing is an art – an art that can be learned with the right trainer, right?
Our weekend was great, and in the end, his kisses were more like those of a seasoned gentleman than those of a nerdy teenager. Soon after, it was my turn to visit him. While we were driving his dilapidated car, we had the following conversation:
Him: I know it’s too early to say I love you, but I feel it.
H: (sigh) Same here.
Him: I love you.
Me: (double sigh) I love you too.
Related: 4 Signs You’re Dealing With A ‘Leech’ Narcissist
Every weekend together was better and more intense. It was almost too good to be true. Sure, our conversations were more like Groundhog Day, but that certainly wasn’t a deal breaker.
Thinking back, other little things caught my attention. He never waited for me when we were together. If you stop to take a picture or look at something, he will keep walking. He never opened the doors.
And the way he often talked about his success and generosity. Or how he was constantly insinuating that other girls wanted him – even some of his married friends – something he put down to his age and simply demonstrated. But of course, I ignored them, chalking them up to me being dramatic or him not having the best manners.
We have taken trips to Bayeux and wine country. We arrived in Vegas and saw a comedy show, followed by a cheeseburger from McDonald’s. We joked about being the perfect match. As he said, we were kindred spirits – soulmates.
During our last night together, he looked me straight in the eyes and said, “No one will ever love you like I do.” Of course, I had no idea it was our last weekend together. But despite his declarations of love and constant planning for our future, he knew.
When I got home, I was camping on cloud 9. It was a wonderful, exhilarating feeling. This near-perfect man was in love with me…until he didn’t. Until I felt sad because of a narcissist.
