Narcissists are notoriously difficult to deal with. They engage in a pattern of selfish, manipulative, and exploitative behavior.

If you stay with a narcissist for any length of time, you’re likely to be negatively affected by their behavior. After a while, you may even begin to show signs of trauma from the ongoing emotional abuse.

Your instinct may tell you to leave the relationship because things will never change. On the other hand, they may show moments of kindness, and you convince yourself that things will be better one day.

When a narcissist apologizes for their behavior, it can keep you stuck in the relationship. The apology gives you enough hope to stay with the narcissist despite the damage they’ve done.

Unfortunately, the decision to accept an apology from a narcissist is often based on several misconceptions. We’ll delve into them below.

Believing the Narcissist Will Change

After a narcissist apologizes, you may find yourself believing that they’re going to make lasting changes.

A narcissist may offer a seemingly sincere apology, and your heart may be telling you that this is the time to make good on their promise to improve their behavior.

Remember, a sincere apology requires remorse and a commitment to change behavior. Believing that a narcissist will change is probably the biggest mistake you can make.

A narcissist apologizes as a manipulation tactic so that you will allow them to stay in your life, not because they want to change their behavior.

So, any behavioral change a narcissist displays is likely to be temporary. They will offer an insincere apology and do their best just long enough for you to feel comfortable again.

They will revert to their usual behavior once they feel they have treated you well again.

ConvinceYourselfThatTheApologyIsGenuine

Even healthy relationships involve struggle and hurt feelings. No one is perfect, and sometimes we let our partners down.

Related : 8 Secret Hacks That Unveil a Narcissist is Mirroring You

Part of healing from hurt feelings in a relationship is receiving validation and a genuine apology from your partner.

You may convince yourself that the narcissist is offering a genuine apology because you want to heal so that the relationship can move forward.

Unfortunately, you’re fooling yourself if you think a narcissist’s apology is genuine.

Narcissists struggle with empathy, so they have a hard time understanding your feelings. They don’t actually feel sorry for hurting you; they just want you to shut up about it!

IgnoreBehavioralTypes

When a narcissist throws an apology your way, you’re likely to be pleased. Finally, they seem to understand your point of view and are concerned about your feelings.

Let’s say you’ve fallen into the emotional rollercoaster that often comes with a narcissistic relationship. In that case, you might be fooling yourself into thinking that the narcissist is sincere, apologetic, and well-intentioned.

Don’t make this mistake. If one apology convinces you that the narcissist is loving and good-natured, you’re clearly ignoring their larger pattern of behavior.

If you look at the big picture, you’ll probably realize that the narcissist has more cold, callous, and cruel moments than they do sweet moments.

The wave of positive emotions you feel when they apologize can cloud your judgment, making you forget all the temporary pain the narcissist has caused in your life.

Offering Countless Second Chances

You’ve probably heard this phrase before: Fool me once, fault you. Fool me twice, fault me!

This is especially true when you’re interacting with a narcissist. As long as you keep giving the narcissist another “second chance,” they’ll continue to take advantage of your kindness.

When you make the mistake of accepting every apology the narcissist sends you, they quickly stop taking you seriously. After one too many second chances, they realize that you’ll continue to allow whatever behavior they throw at you.

It’s easy to fall into this cycle because the narcissist can be very persuasive.

Every time they hurt you, and you threaten to walk out the door, they’ll make a grand show, promising to change. This is just another act of manipulation.

Buying the Victim

Finally, it’s a huge mistake to think that the narcissist plays the victim very well.

Narcissists can’t take any responsibility for their bad behavior. They are fragile, insecure, and unable to face their own flaws.

So when they wrong you, the narcissist’s ego can’t handle taking responsibility. As part of their half-hearted apology, they will play the victim, selling you a sad story about why they acted the way they did.

They will likely shift the blame to someone else, to avoid taking full responsibility. And because you feel sorry for them, you have no choice but to accept the apology. This leaves you deceived all over again.

Avoid These Classic Mistakes

Now that you have a solid idea of ​​what mistakes people typically make when a narcissist apologizes, you can take steps to protect yourself. Consider the strategies below.

Proceed with Caution

Instead of convincing yourself that a narcissist is offering a genuine apology, proceed with caution. Don’t take their promises to change too seriously.

Take note of whether their behavior actually changes. Is it just for a few days, or are you seeing lasting positive changes?

While it’s unlikely that a narcissist will change, signs of lasting change suggest that the relationship may be fine.

On the other hand, the more likely outcome is that they’ll return to bad behavior. In that case, the best thing you can do is walk away.

Set Boundaries and Hold Them Accountable

Narcissists rely on manipulating people to get their way. If they don’t succeed, they lose all power, and they can’t continue their games.

The best thing you can do when a narcissist apologizes is to set boundaries and hold them accountable for their behavior.

Related : The Best and Worst Things to Say When You’re Breaking Up With a Narcissist

Make it clear that you can’t accept certain behaviors, especially if they happen repeatedly.

If the narcissist violates your boundaries and displays the same behavior again, maintain the boundaries. Tell him or her that you can no longer interact with him or her because he or she has not kept his or her promise to change.

AcceptReality and Take Care of Yourself

The chances of a narcissist’s apology being genuine are slim. Once you accept this reality, you will be less likely to take his or her behavior personally. You will also be less likely to fall into the trap of a fake apology.

Recognize that a narcissist’s apology is probably a manipulation tactic, not a sign of genuine concern and remorse. Instead of believing the apology and expecting change, focus on yourself.

If the narcissist’s behavior toward you is hurting you, make time for self-care. Take time to rest and relax, and engage in activities that bring you joy. This provides a distraction from the narcissistic abuse.