Despite what narcissists will talk about, they are subject to the effects of aging. Growing older is a normal part of the growing stage of life for most people, but not for narcissists. They view aging as an absolute evil. Some will engage in ridiculous plastic surgery in an attempt to look as young as they feel. Others will start a new career while their peers retire. However, others will turn to much younger partners.
But what a narcissist cannot do is avoid the effects of dementia. As a progressive, random disorder that sometimes turns into Alzheimer’s disease or other disorders, dementia affects each area of the brain in a random order. What seemed normal and usual now seems strange and difficult. Memory becomes scattered and unreliable. Familiar people become strangers or even enemies who try to get them.
For a narcissist, this is completely unacceptable. Most narcissists rely heavily on their cognitive abilities as a way to continually demonstrate superiority over others in performance, influence, power, beauty, or money. Any sign that deteriorates or diminishes is out of the question, cannot and will not be tolerated. This is the time when the narcissist is most at risk for suicidal behavior.
Make no mistake; Narcissists don’t threaten suicide just to get attention, they move on especially when they begin to see their superior identity as slightly inferior. They would rather die than be exposed as fallible, weak, or dependent on someone else to do the basics of life. When someone spends their entire life belittling and mocking those they believe are inferior to them, they ultimately cannot be exposed as them.
There are seven stages of dementia development as described below. However, how the narcissist responds to each stage is very different from other patients. This is because narcissism is like a network within their brain that affects more than one area.
No dementia: no cognitive decline. This first stage is what pre-dementia looks like where there is no memory loss and the person, including the narcissistic person, functions normally.
No dementia: very mild cognitive decline. As a person ages, forgetfulness becomes typical but does not impair normal functioning. For narcissists, others are often blamed for their forgetfulness.
No dementia: mild cognitive decline. Forgetfulness becomes more consistent and difficulty concentrating for long periods increases as work performance declines. Narcissists begin to notice this stage but work hard to hide it from others. It is common for them to become increasingly angry because of their perceived slowness, which they often project onto others.
Early stage: mild cognitive decline. Despite narcissists’ best efforts, their reduced cognitive abilities become apparent to others. They often have difficulty remembering even recent events, accidentally send too much money to the electricity company, or get lost easily when in new locations. Complex work tasks become very difficult but the narcissist will not admit it. Instead, they will blame others and distract themselves with detailed stories about past successes. To avoid embarrassment (the narcissist’s Achilles’ heel), they withdraw from family and friends. When needed, the narcissist can work on a specific event for a short period of time, but once it’s done, he or she does too. Disengagement is extreme and may seem rigid.
Intermediate stage: moderately severe cognitive decline. Memory deficits become significant, as common tasks such as cooking, dressing, or personal care require some sort of assistance. Some narcissists can get through this stage well if they have a caregiver willing to pamper them and tolerate their aggravation. But others quickly slip into a state of depression, which adds to the frustration. They may not remember major life events or people anymore. But what narcissistic values are is definitely revealed at this stage. If work over the family is important, they won’t remember family vacations but can still remember a big deal they negotiated.
Intermediate stage: severe cognitive decline. This is when suicide becomes possible if they are able to carry out the task. Narcissists are no longer able to take care of themselves and have embarrassing problems such as eating or bowel control, causing them to withdraw into themselves. For brief periods, narcissism disappears and what the person would be like without it appears. This becomes a hope that most of the family clings to, but the progression of dementia is now so advanced that it becomes depressing. It is also common for a narcissistic person to have delusional thinking such as watching something on TV and believing they are actually doing it. Tantrums are common, as are paranoid delusions. The narcissist is so convincing even at this stage that he is able to lure others into his delusional state.
Late stage: Very severe cognitive decline. In the final stage, there is little communication, psychomotor skills, or walking. Everything requires help and the narcissist is just a shell of what he once was. They are no longer able to recognize themselves or others, all narcissistic symptoms have disappeared along with their personality.
Watching anyone go through these stages is painful. However, there is a glimmer of awareness that is unique to the narcissist with dementia. The key is to remember the brief moments when their non-narcissistic side came out. This is who they really were, rather than who they became.
