Breaking up with a narcissist is one of the hardest and most painful things you’ll ever do. You’ve just been through one of the most intense relationships of your life with someone who alternated between making you feel like the queen of the world one minute and making you suffer unwanted nightmares on your worst enemy the next.
Recovering from this toxic relationship will send you through a range of emotions that can test your ability to function well in the rest of your daily life. The feelings feel so intense, it may seem as if they will last forever and you will never feel happy again. However, it will end, and you will find happiness again.
Related: How To Love Fearlessly After Your Heart Was Broken By A Narcissist
You’ll likely experience these normal feelings before things start to improve. You may not try them in order and may switch back and forth between them. However, they all fade over time, and if you are experiencing them, you are on the path to relationship recovery.
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- Anxiety
There is no closure with a narcissist. He will either ignore you, get angry at you for rejecting him, or beg you nonstop to try to take you back because he doesn’t like to take no for an answer.
Regardless of how it happened, the end was likely sudden and painful, and you are now on the brink. You don’t know if you’re more worried about whether or not he’ll try to contact you. It was a big part of your life, and the sudden end may seem overwhelming. You will have to reassure yourself that it is really over.
- Mania
You will think about the relationship and find it difficult to focus on anything else. There are so many unanswered questions: Do I really love you? Did he know he was hurting you? Which parts of your relationship were real? How could he move forward so quickly?
You will go over everything that happened in the relationship in your mind, trying to make sense of all the things you don’t have answers to.
- Sadness
Sometimes you can feel a sense of despair when you think about the close bond you shared with your ex. You can’t help but miss him. This is probably the strongest romantic connection you’ve ever had with another person, and the thought that it was never real in the way you thought it was or wanted it to be fills you with sadness.
You will have to grieve twice: once for the loss of the relationship itself, and once for the loss of your understanding of what the relationship represents.
- Feeling lonely
The extent of the abuse you experienced in this relationship is difficult to describe and may be difficult for others to understand or sometimes even believe if they have not experienced it themselves. In addition, you may feel different from others because of what you have been through and it may be difficult to connect with others at the moment.
As a result, you may feel like you are alone with your experience with no one to talk to, or you may feel like withdrawing from social activities altogether.
Related: 8 Signs You’re In Love With A Narcissist Who Specializes In Deep Emotional Abuse
- Doubt
There were many times during the relationship when he twisted the things he did on you. You were blamed for his actions, you were gaslighted, and your angry reactions to the abuse were used as excuses for why the relationship broke down.
You have been described as jealous and crazy, emotions he deliberately created in you. Now you can start guessing everything. Am I making a bigger deal out of all of this than it already was? Was it as bad as I thought? Was I being unreasonable? Is he even a narcissist? Maybe he was right and it was my fault.
- Shame
When he wanted to hurt you or control you, he knew exactly what your fears were and what to say to try to discourage you. This verbal abuse has built up in your head over the course of the relationship and creeps into your thoughts from time to time.
In the back of your mind, you sometimes wonder if he’s right. After all, what is wrong with you that you stayed put and let someone say these things to you for so long? Maybe I really am worthless, you might start to think.
- Anger
Over time, doubt, anxiety, shame, and sadness begin to fade and you acknowledge the extent of the wrongs committed against you. You allow yourself to feel indignant about the pain and suffering you experienced, how you denied that pain and suffering while you were still in the relationship, and how you continued to suffer because of it.
