While each of us has a unique way of experiencing and expressing love. There are five love languages in a toxic relationship according to Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfitment to Your Mate.
they:
- Giving gifts
- Quality time
Physical touch
Acts of service (dedication) - Words of affirmation
Some people’s way of expressing love is by doing acts of service for their partner or helping with the housework. Some people like to express love with verbal affirmation. Some people express love through physical gestures while some express love by spending quality time with their partner.
People generally believe that their partner has the same love language as them and they show love in the same way they would like to receive it.
However, this dynamic can turn messy in the case of an empath-narcissist relationship.
When an empath meets a narcissist for the first time, it can be misleading to take the narcissist as affection. They can mistake the pretty things and sweet gestures that are part of the narcissist’s Love Bombing style for true love and care.
Read : The Truth About Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Therefore, empaths need to learn the true love language of themselves and a narcissist so that they can avoid this toxic relationship dynamic.
The five love languages in a toxic relationship between an empath and a narcissist are as follows:
1) Words of affirmation
When narcissists use words of affirmation to express love, their intent behind it is a self-serving impulse as empaths use words of affirmation to express their true love and care.
Narcissists use a technique known as “love bombing” where they shower their partner with unlimited compliments and words of affection. They usually use this technique at the beginning of the relationship to seduce their partner or when there is a fight or breakdown to get them back in the relationship.
While these words may sound very real as narcissists have mastered the art of saying all the right things, an empath must be careful to see if their words align with their actions.
Just because Empaths are honest in their communication and speak to their partners with kindness and respect, they shouldn’t make the mistake of thinking that everyone thinks, feels, and acts like them.
A narcissist can use flattering words only to take advantage of them without having any real interest or love for the other person and can turn into an abuser at the drop of a hat if their needs are not being met.
Read : Surviving Childhood: 19 Signs You Were Raised By A Narcissistic Mother Or Father
2) Quality time
Undivided attention and focus are something all of us in a relationship want to feel fulfilled.
However, a narcissist is all about himself, so he is unable to give anyone’s full attention or quality time. Always highlighting himself.
On the other hand, he might try to distance you from your friends and family members by spending most of his time with you but don’t mistake this tactic for love.
He spends most of his time with you meeting his needs and agenda and wants to isolate you from your support system so that if things go wrong, you have nowhere to go and come back to.
While the empath appears authentic and looks for a connection based on the heart and thus gives undivided attention to their partner, they will not find this deep connection with the narcissist because he is truly incapable of thinking of anything other than himself.
So while quality time is high on empaths’ love language list, it doesn’t appear on narcissists’ love language list.
3) Receiving gifts
Narcissists are superficial and their preferred language of love is giving and receiving expensive gifts. They need external things to boost their sense of self so they can spend lavishly on flashy cars or gadgets. They also buy expensive gifts for their partners when they are in the “love bombing” phase.
Empaths are not material at all. They don’t get carried away by flashy items, well-thought-out gifts, meaningful handmade gifts, or gifts with sentimental value will be their favorites.
Sooner or later, Empaths will see the love-bombing phase of the narcissist because they cannot feel fulfilled or loved through gifts alone or empty words of affirmation for long.
Read : The Codependency Dance: How The Narcissist Traps The Codependent In A Toxic Tango
4) Acts of service (dedication)
Narcissists believe that the whole world revolves around them, they feel entitled to everything, and they believe that everyone should have their needs met.
Not only do they expect their partner to do the chores for them like cooking, laundry, etc., but they also expect them to fulfill all their whims and desires.
Empaths have very bad boundaries about giving because they don’t like confrontations or saying no and end up being the ones doing all the work in the relationship. In the process, they end up feeling unloved and uncared for as they exhaust themselves caring for their partner without getting any appreciation or thoughtful acts of service in return.
This dynamic serves the narcissist well because it fuels the energy of empathy yet completely depletes the empath and makes them feel insecure or unworthy.
Read : WARNING: Is Your Relationship Difficult Or Actually Dangerous?
5) Physical touch
Narcissists run to extremes when it comes to physical touch. They want their physical needs met at all times but will withhold physical affection from their partner as a means of tormenting them for perceived hurt or discomfort that occurred long ago.
Empaths need true love and physical affection and physical gestures are their preferred love language, but a narcissist will withhold his love from them when they need it most or when they are at their weakest rather than trying to comfort or soothe them.
Empaths believe that just because they genuinely care and love people, people will do the same for them but this is the biggest mistake they make especially when they expect true love and care from people with personality disorders like narcissists.
Empaths are very sensitive people who often put the needs of others before their own and forget to take care of their own physical, mental, and emotional needs.
This often leads to empath exhaustion. So they need to learn to create strong boundaries around giving, to choose their partners carefully, and not to fall into the relationship dynamic of a narcissistic, toxic empath.
These are five love languages in the toxic relationship between an empath and a narcissist.
