Don’t use these four positive personality traits when you’re in love with, working with, parenting, or friends with a narcissist. These are wonderful traits that are useful when presented to “normal” people who do not have the traits that characterize a narcissist:
An abundance of empathy
A strong desire to rescue and help
The desire to make greater efforts to make the relationship successful
Strong sense of responsibility
On the other end of the spectrum are the traits of a narcissist:
Exploitation between people
Lack of empathy: Unwillingness or inability to recognize the feelings and needs of others
Negative reaction to criticism (they may interpret our request to have our needs met as criticism)
- Difficulty admitting mistakes or taking responsibility for their bad behavior
Using fear to control people
One example of how not to act around a narcissist comes from my long-time narcissistic relationship:
My live-in boyfriend didn’t come over until 7 a.m. from his “boys night out.” I was ready to go out with him. Make him admit he was cheating on me so I can get the proof I need to break up with him. Instead, he came home and cursed me. Did you call his friend Colin at 4am to find out where he was? (Controlling me by making me fear I did something wrong.) Yes, I called Colin.
My strong misplaced sense of responsibility began. I started to doubt. Maybe it was my fault that he stayed out all night because I was always trying to track him down? He said it was no wonder he couldn’t commit to a woman who acted like “white trash.” He said that if I could trust him and stop trying to control him, his bad behavior would stop.
The abundance of my compassion and my need to try harder were affected. I forgave him for staying out all night because maybe I was a bitch that made him want to rebel.
Exploitation between people
Lack of empathy: Unwillingness or inability to recognize the feelings and needs of others
Negative reaction to criticism (they may interpret our request to have our needs met as criticism)
- Difficulty admitting mistakes or taking responsibility for their bad behavior
Using fear to control people
One example of how not to act around a narcissist comes from my long-time narcissistic relationship:
My live-in boyfriend didn’t come over until 7 a.m. from his “boys night out.” I was ready to go out with him. Make him admit he was cheating on me so I can get the proof I need to break up with him. Instead, he came home and cursed me. Did you call his friend Colin at 4am to find out where he was? (Controlling me by making me fear I did something wrong.) Yes, I called Colin.
My strong misplaced sense of responsibility began. I started to doubt. Maybe it was my fault that he stayed out all night because I was always trying to track him down? He said it was no wonder he couldn’t commit to a woman who acted like “white trash.” He said that if I could trust him and stop trying to control him, his bad behavior would stop.
The abundance of my compassion and my need to try harder were affected. I forgave him for staying out all night because maybe I was a bitch that made him want to rebel.
