When you look at your partner across the table, you should feel joy and gratitude — at least for a while. If instead, you feel a subtle sense of anxiety when you look at them, you’re probably in a toxic relationship.
Toxic people hurt the people around them. Whether this harm is intentional or not, their words and actions make people question their choices.
In a way, they hit you with a hurtful word or a sideways glance when you are most vulnerable, and no one has the right to do that to you.
Related: 9 Women Reveal How They Finally Found The Strength To Leave Their Toxic Relationship
Here’s a 10-step plan you should follow when you’re ready to end your toxic relationship
- Clarify your boundaries.
Accept that it may not happen overnight. People enjoy comfort, and if your partner doesn’t respect you right now, your first attempt at giving them support probably won’t lead to immediate success.
For this reason, the clearer you are, the clearer you will be able to communicate.
- Tell them “it’s over.”
Plan how to let them go, and then do it.
It sounds simple, but it’s not always so. Being with this person has rewards, and you can be honest with yourself about that.
But be honest with yourself about how things should end and then end it. Say the words directly and let them be the truth.
- Refuse to justify, over-explain, or argue about your decision.
You don’t need to respond to their doubts, bullying, or sarcasm. Say what you have to say, and leave.
Related: 3 Scary Signs You’re In A Toxic Relationship And Need To Get Out
- Consider meeting in a public place and asking a friend to sit at a nearby table.
Meet them at a restaurant or café if you want some moral support nearby. It helps to see a friendly face when the person who has shared your most intimate space tells you all the things they think you want to hear.
- Block them.
Don’t follow them on social media, block them so they can’t follow you.
- Write a message.
Can’t get your point across? Write it down. You’ve said it, now write it. Sure, you can send a text message, but you know how easy it is to delete it. Write it, stamp it, and mail it. How official, and yes, official! (Email works too.)
- Use your newfound alone time with intention.
Even if you spend your free hours daydreaming, think about what you want to move forward with and what you will enjoy. Nature hates a vacuum, and you know you don’t want to answer that phone, so plan (in advance) what you’re going to do with your downtime instead.
- Surround yourself with positive influences.
Spend time with people who make you feel good, images that enhance your life’s highest potential, and activities that inspire you to become the best version of yourself.
- Give yourself time to heal.
You’ve just opened a wound, and it hurts, so give yourself time to recover and heal. Pamper yourself and use the time to do internal healing work to improve your self-image (so you don’t let anyone bring you down again).
- Celebrate.
You did it! Look at your life now and who is in it. Whether you want to invite someone new or not, don’t you feel better about yourself?
Choose a way to honor your decision and courage. Make it private if you’re an introvert, or go celebrate with your positive friends if you’re an extrovert, but celebrate yourself. You deserve this new, happier, healthier life you’re creating.
Once the stress of a toxic relationship sets in, it develops into physical symptoms such as chronic fatigue, headaches, neck and back pain, upset stomach, eating and sleeping disorders, and illnesses – and these are just minor effects.
