As you know by now, the narcissist works in incredibly subtle ways. They are master manipulators, constantly exploiting their victims to achieve their goals.
Sometimes, we get so busy that we cheat and blame ourselves and don’t wake up until it’s too late.
Therefore, as a survivor of narcissistic abuse, you may still feel a heavy sense of emotional-cognitive dissonance. Don’t worry, you are not alone.
However, there are now a lot of emotions to get rid of, so maneuvering it the right way is crucial for a healthy recovery.
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In this article, I will walk you through some of the key ways you can move past that narcissist-induced trauma.
The roller coaster ends now.
Let’s dive in!
1) Recognizing abuse
Emotions are a difficult thing. It is not uncommon for us to be in denial when we are being abused. This is especially true with narcissists whose methods are usually very subtle.
Narcissistic abuse is reminiscent of a frog in hot water. Do you know this?
Basically, if you start at a comfortable temperature and gradually increase it, the frog won’t budge. However, if you drop it into a pot of boiling water, the frog will immediately jump out.
In other words, being able to acknowledge actual abuse can be one of the most difficult steps.
As we have established, the abuser is extremely talented at exploiting predisposed and manipulative emotions, often leading victims to question their experiences and emotions.
Don’t forget: Narcissistic abuse is really just a kind of psychological warfare. It is a methodical and painful game. To win you have to completely come to terms with reality.
2) Educate yourself
With the Internet at our disposal, obtaining in-depth knowledge about topics such as narcissism is easier than ever.
Learn the medical definition of things like “narcissistic personality disorder” and the classic signs of narcissism.
Like any illness, once you notice certain patterns of behavior, you are in a position to diagnose it – this process can enable you to make sense of your experiences, give you clarity, and validate your feelings.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist and professor of psychology who specializes in narcissistic personality disorder, discussed the importance of education.
“Understanding narcissistic patterns can be empowering,” she says. “The more you know about narcissistic behaviors and tactics, the better equipped you will be to protect yourself.”
Not only does the Internet provide endless information, it is also a place where you can reach people with similar experiences.
This leads me to the next point…
3) Connect with fellow survivors
I had a long term relationship with a narcissist.
At first, I blamed myself for being too sensitive or because I thought I deserved treatment somehow. As things became more toxic, feelings of confusion and disorientation increased at a rapid pace.
To overcome this problem, I sought solace in online communities where I could interact with other victims of narcissistic abuse. I learned that our situations were very similar, with eerily similar details.
Through the support and advice of fellow survivors I met online, I was empowered to break free from my partner’s once timeless constraints.
Although it was difficult at first, I am now happier than ever.
4) Seek professional help
However, although it is great to have a support system, in more serious cases, professional help can be a godsend.
If you feel more comfortable going this route, find a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma and emotional abuse.
“Working with a professional who understands narcissistic abuse can provide crucial support and validation,” noted Dr. Caryl McBride, a licensed marriage and family therapist who has written extensively about narcissistic abuse. Therapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) can help survivors process the trauma they have experienced.
5) Set your boundaries
You’ve gotten through some of the toughest milestones, but maintaining this new system will take dedication.
You may still care about the narcissist and may long for their presence from time to time, making it difficult to resist the temptation to contact them.
I assure you, this is a completely normal desire. So stay strong; Don’t step back and throw away all the progress.
If you can, cut it off completely. Delete them from your social media sites, block their numbers, and in severe cases, change the locks. You deserve a fresh start.
If you have to communicate with them over things like children or pets, remember to keep those boundaries firm.
I know this may be difficult, but do not forget that you do not in any way have to give in to their demands.
This feeling of freedom may anger them, but then you know you have won.
6) Don’t overlook self-care
In my experience, you will feel exhausted after your ordeal with a narcissist.
But even so, I can’t stress this enough: It’s essential to keep your physical, emotional, and mental health at its best. This will speed up the healing process.
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Do things that make you feel good. Exercising, eating nutrient-dense foods, and prioritizing adequate sleep all promote a healthy existence.
Once you focus on yourself and notice progress, you’ll feel energized and ready to leave things behind.
Take it from Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in the field of self-compassion, who emphasizes the importance of self-care in your healing journey.
“Taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental health is a vital part of the healing process,” she stresses. “Be kind to yourself as you would a good friend who is going through a similar situation.”
When I broke up with my aforementioned narcissistic ex-girlfriend, the easiest options were to lie in bed or go on self-destructive parties.
While I gave myself some time to grieve, I was eventually able to heal through boxing.
By practicing boxing regularly, I was able to release frustration and dopamine at the same time. It gave me a feeling of balance and self-confidence. Before I knew it, I was over my ex.
As a bonus, I got fit and felt great about myself.
Once you find the motivation to move forward, trust that those endorphins will do their job. Before you know it, your perspective will change almost completely, as it did with me. In fact, you’ll probably wonder why you didn’t start sooner.
7) Try mindfulness and meditation
Don’t knock it until you try it. Practices like mindfulness and meditation can help you stay in the present and grounded.
It also helps you regulate things emotionally, allowing you to identify and manage emotions without becoming overwhelmed.
By staying in the present moment, you effectively distance yourself from past traumas and future anxiety, reducing stress and negative feelings in the process.
This isn’t some pseudo-scientific psychobabble either. Mindfulness is becoming more and more medically important every day.
According to the University of Southern California School of Social Work, for example, “Research has increasingly strengthened the place of mindfulness in the field of psychotherapy, and fewer experts view it with suspicion. Researchers have shown how the practice can change structures in the brain, including Areas associated with self-awareness and emotion coping.
“A lot of the internal narrative about cravings is uncoordinated,” says Nicholas Barr, lead physician on the study and a postdoctoral researcher at the University of Southern California.
“What you get from mindfulness is the realization that you can handle this, you can handle it.”
Furthermore, mindfulness and meditation cultivate self-compassion and restore your self-worth, ultimately countering the negative perceptions instilled by the abuser.
8) Realize that healing may take time
Rome was not built in a day. When you create something that lasts you have to stick with it for the long term.
So be patient with yourself. Great things are not created overnight. Healing from abuse is no different.
You have to get rid of the trauma and get rid of its programming. Recovery is far from a linear process.
Some days, you may make huge strides — and while you should certainly celebrate those victories, realize that other days can be much more difficult.
It is important to realize that this is a normal part of the process and that the road to rehabilitation is not always smooth.
9) Be willing to forgive
Here’s the thing: holding on to negative emotions like anger or hostility can derail your healing journey. Remember that forgiveness is in your best interest, not theirs.
Now I’m not saying that you should continue to enable or justify a narcissist’s behaviors, but once you begin to release their toxic hold on you, you will inevitably feel a welcome sense of closure and comfort.
I know that the consequences of an abusive relationship can leave you feeling helpless. You may lose all motivation to love again.
I would suggest doing something different. It’s something I learned from world-famous shaman Rhoda Yande, despite my initial skepticism.
I have realized that the true path to love and intimacy must first come from within.
As Rhoda explains in this amazing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way because we haven’t learned how to love ourselves first.
So, if you want to overcome the wounds caused by narcissism, I recommend that you first start with yourself and take Rhoda’s wonderful advice.
Here’s a link to the free video again.
finalthoughts
guess what? The fact that you are reading this now means that you have taken steps to overcome the narcissist and are on the road to recovery! This is a big deal.
As humans, we are inherently resilient creatures…you prove it.
