As you probably know by now, the narcissist works in incredibly insidious ways. They are masterful manipulators, constantly taking advantage of their victims to get their way.
Sometimes, we get so caught up that we fool ourselves into blaming ourselves and don’t wake up until it’s too late.
Therefore, as a survivor of narcissistic abuse, you may still feel a heavy sense of cognitive-emotional dissonance. Don’t worry, you’re not alone.
Right now, there are a lot of emotions that need to be offloaded, so maneuvering in the right way is crucial to a healthy recovery.
In this article, I will walk you through some of the main ways you can move past that trauma caused by narcissists.
The roller coaster is now ending.
Let’s dig deeper!
1) Recognize the abuse
Emotions are a tricky thing. It is not uncommon for us to be in denial when we are being abused. This is especially true with narcissists whose methods are usually very subtle.
Narcissistic abuse brings to mind the parable of the frog being put in hot water. Do you know this?
Basically, if you start with a comfortable temperature and gradually increase it, the frog won’t budge. But if you drop it into a pot of boiling water, the frog will jump right away.
In other words, being able to acknowledge the actual abuse can be one of the most difficult steps.
As we have established, the abuser is extremely talented at exploiting predisposing emotions and gaslighting, often causing victims to question their own experiences and emotions.
Don’t forget: narcissistic abuse is really just a form of psychological warfare. It is a methodical and painful game. To win, you need to completely come to terms with reality.
2) Educate yourself
With the Internet at our disposal, it is more accessible than ever before to access in-depth knowledge on topics such as narcissism.
Learn the medical definition of things like “narcissistic personality disorder” and the classic signs of narcissism.
Like any disease, once you notice certain patterns of behavior, you are in a position to diagnose it—this process can enable you to make sense of your experiences, give you clarity, and validate your feelings.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and professor of psychology specializing in narcissistic personality disorder, discussed the importance of education.
She says, “Understanding patterns of narcissism can be an asset. The more you know about narcissistic behaviors and tactics, the better equipped you will be to protect yourself.”
Not only does the Internet provide unlimited information, but it is also a place where you can reach out to people who have had similar experiences.
This brings me to the next point…
3) Connect with fellow survivors
I had a long term relationship with a narcissist.
At first, I blamed myself for being too sensitive or thinking I deserved treatment in some way. And as things got toxic, so did my sense of disorientation and disorientation at a rapid pace.
To deal with that, I will seek solace in online communities where I can interact with other victims of narcissistic abuse. Our positions, I learned, were very similar, with eerily similar details.
With the support and advice of fellow survivors I met online, I was empowered to break free from my partner’s once indestructible chains.
And though it was hard at first, I am now happier than ever.
4) Seek professional help
Having said that, while it’s great to have a support system, professional help can be a godsend in more serious cases.
If you feel more comfortable going this route, find a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma and emotional abuse.
Dr. Caryl McBride, a licensed marriage and family therapist who has written extensively about narcissistic abuse, noted: “Working with a professional who understands narcissistic abuse can provide crucial validation and support. Therapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or eye movement desensitization and reprocessing can help.” (EMDR) Survivors in Processing Their Trauma.”
5) Set your limits
You’ve gotten through some of the toughest phases, but maintaining this new system requires a measure of dedication.
You may still care about narcissists and may feel a longing for their presence from time to time, which makes it difficult to resist the temptation to contact them.
I assure you, this is a completely normal desire. So stay strong. Don’t hold back and throw away all progress.
If you can, cut it out completely. Delete them from your social media, block their number, and in severe cases, change the locks. You deserve a fresh start.
If you have to communicate with them about things like children or pets, remember to keep these boundaries firm.
I know this can be difficult, but don’t forget that in no way do you have to give in to their demands.
This feeling of freedom might piss them off, but that’s when you know you’ve won.
6) Don’t lose sight of self-care
In my experience, you will feel exhausted after your ordeal with a narcissist.
