Leaving a relationship is always difficult and painful, and leaving a relationship with a narcissist may be even more difficult because you have invested so much time and effort into trying to make it work. Even when you find yourself starting over, many of us end up in a similar relationship with someone else and wonder how we got there and how we can break the cycle. Changing your relationship patterns comes by realizing that there are two people in any relationship and the only one you can change is you.
Highly sensitive people are natural caregivers and caretakers who are sensitive to the feelings and needs of others, and narcissists can sense this a mile away. They may be attracted to us because they know they will get what they need from us. This is what usually happens in a relationship – the narcissist gets what they need and the HSP keeps trying to be loved.
So how do you stop being attracted to people like this? How do you break the pattern of relationships with people who treat you badly? If you try to simply remind yourself to avoid these people in the future, you know it won’t work. Change does not mean flipping a switch, it is a process.
Many of us struggle to make a relationship work and make our partners happy by working harder in the relationship. We tell our partner what they should do differently or try to do what they want. But even though we feel deeply that this relationship feels familiar, we begin to feel increasingly unhappy because we still don’t have our needs met. Struggling to make this person love and accept you is not working.
While we keep trying to hold on to the relationship, deep down we know that whatever we are getting is not enough, and that is why we feel miserable. It is the struggle for love and subsequent unfulfillment.
Our needs for love, respect, attention, affection, and acceptance are important. We all need those things. This is the purpose of romantic relationships. But many of us had so little of what we needed in the past that we are now starving for it, so we try to get what we need from our partner by reaching out, holding on to them, holding on to them, and feeling afraid they might leave. we. We think we need to hold on to any crumbs of love that fall to us because it’s better than nothing. We feel grateful for it and are willing to accept anything, no matter how small.
The process of change begins when we realize that we should expect more. Crumbs are not enough. What you get in your relationships now and in the past was not enough, because if it was, you would be happy. The answer is to stop struggling.
Related : Relationship Strategies of the Smartest Narcissists
Not fighting to get what we want can feel like the wrong thing to do and it can also be very scary and unfamiliar. Back in the day, when you were a kid, not trying to get what you wanted usually meant you didn’t get anything. But that struggle now attracts people who know you’re struggling and will use it to meet their own needs. When you stop trying so hard, you start trusting that someone who truly cares for you and loves you will give you what you need. And when you believe that, change happens. You will change what is acceptable and what is unacceptable. This can attract a loving and caring person. Here’s how to get started:
- Find out what you need. Do you feel like you didn’t get enough attention or affection while growing up?
- Express your needs. Tell your partner clearly what you need and how you feel. That’s all you have to do. You have the right to have your needs met.
- Stop trying to help your partner. They have to help themselves and they will if they want to. You are not responsible for their growth, health, or even the relationship. You are only responsible for yourself.
- Expect to get what you need.
- If you express your needs and feelings and your partner ignores them, you will know it is time to move on and find someone else.
The process of changing your expectations and beliefs can bring about change in your life. When you recognize and express what you need, you create the expectation that you will get what you need. This new way of thinking will start to change you and that is what will lead you to better relationships. You will no longer be someone who tolerates hurtful behavior. You will become a different person, someone who respects themselves and knows that they deserve to be loved and accepted. That’s when healthy, loving relationships emerge.
