There are many challenges in any relationship. However, being in a relationship with a narcissist can be extremely toxic and destructive. In some types of relationships, leaving and breaking up with the narcissist is the best solution.

Some relationships are very difficult to leave. Relationships with your child’s parent, your children, a narcissistic parent, siblings, or family members can be tangled up and difficult to end.

In these situations, changing your behavior is crucial to limiting the damage done by being around a narcissist. Recognizing when you are falling into the trap of having to defend your decisions and explain your choices is a critical skill to develop in order to maintain effective boundaries and protect yourself from emotional abuse in relationships with narcissists.

DefendingAndExplaining

Most narcissists engage in some level of manipulation and accusation. It is human nature to want to set the record straight and defend yourself against accusations, but this only adds fuel to the fire.

Narcissists feed on emotion. The more they can trigger emotions in others, the more they feel in control and superior to those around them. They also have a distorted version of what’s happening, and they won’t see how their actions contributed to the problem. By the same token, they assume everyone’s motives are negative, because their emotions come from a deep place of insecurity and mistrust.

Engaging in any kind of explanation for your decisions or actions is ineffective with a narcissist. He or she is incapable of trying to see any perspective other than the one they consider correct. They are unable to see their own bad behavior, and it’s easy to simply blame you. The more you try to convince them to justify your actions, decisions, or behaviors, the more they will see your defense or explanation as a sign of guilt and wrongdoing.

StopTheCycle

Narcissists will not change. They will not become empathetic or compassionate, and they will rarely change their perspective to accept that they are wrong. Continuing to argue, defend, or explain only creates a vicious cycle that only benefits the narcissist.

To stop this cycle, you must be the one to act. The following tips and strategies can be used to help stop this cycle and allow you to gain confidence when dealing with a narcissist:

Learn how to ignore. When false or misleading accusations or statements are made, learn how to ignore them. Recognize that this is their misguided perception and that trying to defend yourself or explain why you did what you did only adds fuel to the fire.

Stick to the topic. Narcissists often use blame and accusations to avoid difficult conversations. Knowing what you need to say and getting that message across without distraction is crucial.

Know your boundaries. Knowing what you will and will not accept in behavior is crucial. Set your boundaries and communicate them to the other person at times when they can focus.

Walk away. Knowing when to simply end the conversation and hang up the phone or walk away is essential. This comes from clearly defining boundaries and having a plan.

Managing interactions with a narcissist will always be challenging. Working with a therapist or counselor can help build your skills and allow you to develop a plan for how to interact in a way that protects your emotional well-being.