A narcissistic breakdown occurs when a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is unable to maintain their confident and boastful image due to the fatal blow to their reputation. This leads to a meltdown that manifests as outbursts of anger, nervous or defensive behavior, and verbal or physical aggression. Internally, the person with BPD feels a loss of sense of self along with rejection and abandonment. This can harm the person with BPD and those around them.
Below we will explore the difference between narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder and look at common signs and triggers of a narcissistic breakdown. Then we will look at the effects of a narcissistic breakdown on narcissists and others and explore coping strategies for others dealing with a narcissist in a state of breakdown and recovery strategies for narcissists after a breakdown.
Understanding narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder
The term narcissist comes up a lot in casual conversation, usually to refer to someone who is selfish and self-serving and doesn’t care about others. However, according to Alexandra Cromer, a licensed professional counselor with Thriveworks in Richmond, Virginia, unlike someone you might refer to as a narcissist but who does not have a diagnosable condition, a person with narcissistic personality disorder has an unchangeable personality trait that is observed and confirmed and diagnosed.
People with narcissistic personality disorder don’t have “a lot of knowledge about how this happens”
“Thoughts, behaviors, and actions affect others, and they tend to be a permanent personality trait, and although symptoms can be managed, this is something that will always be there,” Cromer says. Additionally, beneath their arrogant personalities, people with narcissistic personality disorder have very low self-esteem, and people with this diagnosed condition are more likely to suffer a narcissistic breakdown.
Signs and symptoms of a narcissistic breakdown
Signs of a narcissistic breakdown can vary depending on the individual but usually include one or more of the following:
temper tantrums
irritability
Increased physical or verbal aggression
Increases perceived rejection
defensive behaviours
depression
vindictive behaviours
Withdrawal from others
A person experiencing a narcissistic breakdown tends to feel lonely and abandoned and may lash out at the people closest to them during this time. Knowing the signs and symptoms of a narcissistic breakdown can help the person with BPD and their loved ones know what to look out for.
Common triggers for narcissistic breakdown
Narcissistic breakdown is not a formal diagnosis, and as such has not been studied extensively. However, some psychologists view the breakdown as referring to the breakdown of the self. The stimuli that cause a breakdown can be big or small, Cromer says, they just have to be big enough to indicate a loss of ego. For example, you refer to someone with BPD who has an identity as a superior parent and suddenly their child is not listening as someone who could have a narcissistic breakdown.
In the event that a person is laid off from his job, he may be irritable, his defensive behaviors increase, and he withdraws from others. In the case of a person going through a relationship breakdown, they may become vindictive, throw temper tantrums, and suffer from depression. Either way, both conditions can cause a narcissistic breakdown in a person with narcissistic disorder.
The effects of a narcissistic breakdown
A narcissistic breakdown has consequences for both the person with narcissistic disorder and the people close to them.
on the narcissist
Cromer explains that the narcissist will feel as though his entire sense of self has been pulled from under him, because his sense of self-worth depends on the interpretation of others. This can cause a downward spiral that makes them feel lonely and empty and can lead to depression and even suicide.
on others
Others close to the person with BPD often become aware that the narcissist is not displaying their usual predictable behaviors, and thus, begin to display hypervigilance or anxiety because of the narcissist. They may also distance themselves from the person with narcissistic disorder in order to protect themselves from the narcissist’s behavior.
Coping strategies for dealing with a narcissistic breakdown
For individuals dealing with someone with a narcissistic breakdown, NPD, Cromer recommends remembering their sense of self. The narcissist will have a diminished and disturbed sense of self and will attack you, so you need to have a developed sense of self in order to be able to tolerate his criticism and realize that it is not your job to criticize him. Fix them.
Cromer also recommends having a good support system outside of narcissists. Having this feeling of support can help remind you that you are not in charge of the situation. Being able to take some time or time to clear your mind are also legitimate ways of coping, according to Cromer.
Recovery strategies for narcissists after a breakup
A person with narcissistic personality disorder can recover from a narcissistic breakup, but it can be difficult. The best course of action for narcissists, according to Cromer, is for them to try to identify their sense of self outside of others. Getting the narcissist to admit that they don’t have to be arrogant or impressive to receive love can work, but it depends on the narcissist, and this strategy may precipitate further irritation and outbursts.
The narcissist must be willing to work on himself and admit that he is part of the problem. If they are not willing to do this and continue to blame others, they will have less chance of recovery. For someone with narcissistic personality disorder — not just narcissistic traits — they should realize that this may not work at all.
Similarly, while narcissists can benefit from professional counseling, they often resist it. They must, first, be willing to go to therapy, and second, they must be willing to be vulnerable in treatment for professional counseling to be successful. But those who find a good therapist who can form a trusting relationship with the narcissist can help them feel accepted, even with their flaws.
Dealing with a narcissistic breakdown can be stressful for both the person with BPD and the people close to them. However, with some good strategies that can help both parties, the narcissistic breakdown can be managed.
