Did you know that World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day is June 1st?
The fact that society is raising awareness about mental disorders shows how much it affects us all.
In the United States, data indicate that 10% of people suffer from a mental disorder that has “no conscience,” or lacks empathy.
Related : 3 ways to spot a malignant narcissist (and how to deal with them)
The current Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5: the official book used to diagnose mental conditions) estimates that the incidence of “narcissistic personality disorder” is 6%.
At Hack Spirit, we believe that to protect yourself, you need to recognize the signs of a narcissist. So, read on.
A very long time ago…
About 3,000 years ago to be exact, the Greek gods wanted to punish a young man for his bad behavior.
Here’s what they did: They made young Narcissus fall in love with his reflection in the water of the lake (or perhaps the river).
Narcissus could not bear to tear himself away from his “love.”
The final result? He died on the shore of the lake (or perhaps on the banks of the river).
So the idea of narcissism is not new at all. What is new is the view of narcissism as a personality disorder.
A (very short) history of narcissism as we know it
At the beginning of the twentieth century, many people in the field of psychology began publishing articles on narcissism.
Two of the most important articles were by Otto Rank and Sigmund Freud.
In the 1950s and 1960s, two psychoanalysts, Otto Kernberg and Heinz Kohut, developed and expanded previous ideas.
You can read more about the early days here.
Official recognition of narcissism
Narcissism was included in the third edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) in 1980.
This means that psychologists now have specific criteria to help them make a definitive diagnosis.
What is narcissistic abuse? (Or what’s the big deal?)
Narcissistic abuse is sneaky.
It often sounds like attentive love and care. However, this is just her camouflage.
The problem is that narcissistic abuse is not a one-time thing like a big fight or a beating.
Rather, it is a gradual, carefully thought-out plan to control someone else – you.
Why?
Narcissists are emotional vampires. Your strength, self-esteem, and mental strength are their nourishment… and they will do almost anything to get food.
Narcissists will dominate and manipulate you. They will gaslight you (make you believe that what you know is real, which it is not).
They will freely give a lot of their affection and love, and then withhold it, forcing you to beg for emotional crumbs.
Narcissistic people are selfish and only seek personal gain.
Being dishonest, financially abusive, possessive, making you feel guilty, and acting extremely jealous is part of their “tools of the trade.”
Can we, like non-psychologists, recognize a narcissistic person?
definitely. There are clear signs that someone is behaving in a narcissistic manner.
But just to be clear…
We are all narcissists to some extent. If we maintain reasonable levels, many narcissistic traits can help us succeed in life.
When these traits are abused or taken to extreme levels, problems occur.
This article focuses on recognizing the signs of problematic narcissistic behavior under the following conditions:
The person must be young or older.
Their behavior does not change over time and across situations.
Neither substance abuse (drugs, medications, alcohol, etc.) nor a general medical condition (severe brain injury, etc.) is the sole cause of this person’s behavior.
#The world – according to an explicit (obvious) narcissist.
Knowing how they think will help you identify the clear signs of narcissistic behavior.
This is a window into the mind of the typical narcissist…
1) I am more important and better than you.
I have a very exaggerated sense of self-importance.
Also, I believe that I am special, even one of a kind, and should only exist with the same type of people and organizations. In other words, those who are equally special and unique.
Unfortunately, my sense of narcissistic self-importance is often empty and inflated. Why? Narcissists, like me, don’t have the accomplishments and talents to back it up.
As a result, we may exaggerate (or even lie about) what we have achieved to justify our feelings.
Such “superior” beings, like me, deserve special treatment. If I don’t understand this, I can become impatient or angry.
What about “normal” people you ask? These “lowly” beings can be treated with disrespect and contempt.
We are allowed to make fun of them, ignore their desires, and treat them with neglect.
Related : Toxic friends: 10 common signs and what you can do about it
You see, for a narcissist, this is a good and necessary thing because belittling others increases our sense of self-importance and uniqueness.
However, sometimes, reality disappears, and we narcissists fall into a bad mood or depression because our self-images do not live up to the facts.
2) My superiority therefore allows me to act in certain ways.
As a rule, narcissists are arrogant.
Since we are better than almost everyone else, we feel justified in behaving in arrogant or arrogant ways.
In other words, vain, full of hot air, boastful, and arrogant. We are the stars of the show who are always right.
I have little patience for lesser people. If they waste my time, I’m allowed to look down on them, belittle them, or even bully them.
If they make me angry, I will get angry and scream and curse as much as I want.
And speaking of language, I like to increase my exposure to sexual language – talking dirty in and out of the bedroom.
Of course, my superiority gives me many advantages.
I have the right to have all my wants, needs, and desires fulfilled. This includes filling in for me if I don’t feel like doing a task I’m responsible for.
Others need to give me special favors. They need to meet my expectations and give me the best in everything.
You may feel that my sense of entitlement is unreasonable, but since you are such a lowly person, what do you know?
Since I have the right, it stands to reason that I can take advantage of others for my gain.
Unfortunately, people don’t always react to me the way they should.
This causes great problems and stress. I can’t handle this at all. (Why should I?)
I also don’t like to be flexible or adapt to change. (Again, why should I?)
3) I will not show you my weaknesses even though they push me.
I will keep my excessive need for constant admiration a secret.
sympathy? I don’t have it, nor do I need it, but since people expect it, I will do my best to hide my deficiency.
After all, the only person’s feelings I should care about are my own. You get that, right?
You will never see how envious I am of others. Why should they have what I don’t have that I’m entitled to?
Naturally, others will envy me. Who wouldn’t want to be the superior person that I am?
I would never reveal that my self-worth depends on the opinions of others.
This presents a problem because I’m either completely complacent or completely down in the dumps.
To get the approval I need most, I will set specific goals. Unfortunately, I don’t always achieve them which puts me in a bad mood.
Although I am calm and superior on the outside, on the inside I feel insecure and weak.
I often feel shame and humiliation, even though I will not allow them to escape through any cracks in my outer mask.
4) The bottom line is that I have a somewhat skewed view of interpersonal relationships.
My mind is occupied with illusions, dreaming of success and unlimited power.
I imagine that I am a wonderful and perfect companion.
Naturally, I am looking for the perfect partner, that is, a superficial relationship with someone who serves my self-esteem and increases my gain.
This means that I tend to have a lot of personal problems and troubled relationships, including feeling easily offended.
Controlling my emotions and behavior is a challenge.
Of course, this is not my fault. It’s the fault of these lesser people I have to deal with.
This is why my relationships are unsatisfactory, and people don’t enjoy being around me.
(Main sources for the section above DSM, Mayo Clinic, Psychology Today)
The world – according to a covert narcissist (covert).
Some narcissists are difficult to spot because they keep their narcissistic behavior hidden. These are what we call covert narcissists.
They also use “game” tactics to get what they want.
However, if you pay close attention, they will not be able to fool you.
1) Ask for a like
Covert narcissists often pay inappropriate compliments. Things like “This dinner was surprisingly good.” Or “I didn’t expect you to get that promotion, congratulations!”
They will deliberately downplay their skills or accomplishments so that people feel the need to reassure them.
2) Blame and shame game
An introverted or covert narcissist will never blame you directly. It will make you feel small and guilty in softer ways.
For example, they make you believe they are victims of something you did.
Instead of getting angry at their lies, you’ll end up feeling sorry for your terrible behavior.
3) Are you sure?
The covert narcissist is an expert at making others doubt themselves.
When you are unsure of what you have seen, what you have done, what you believe, and what you feel, you are more likely to accept the covert, self-serving narcissist’s version.
4) Hidden in plain sight
Overt narcissists bulldoze you into doing what they want or need – and tell you so out loud.
That secrecy just ignores you.
They use “tricks” like canceling at the last minute, setting you up for a date or appointment, and never confirming plans.
5) Goal-oriented generosity
The covert narcissist gives… when it benefits him.
Is the server at the table? The secret narcissist will leave a tip so everyone can see how amazing they are.
Do they give awards for charity work? This is just the motivation a covert narcissist may need to get involved.
(Source of above section: VeryWellMind)
#Narcissists and social media
Like many people, narcissists post on social networking sites (SNSs).
Are there any signs that can help you avoid them on social media?
One study found that narcissistic students tend to tweet on Twitter while adult narcissists prefer to post on Facebook.
Other studies seem to have shown that the frequency of posting and the number of followers have a positive relationship with narcissism.
In other words, the more someone posts and the more followers they have, the more likely that person is a narcissist.
However, recent research questions all of these conclusions, finding that social media use and narcissism are not significantly related.
