With the holidays in full effect, along with the approach of the new year; sparkly lights, items in your online shopping cart, and cheer in your mug, there is a very common, but so far, unnamed case. It starts as an involuntary twitch of your index finger and mindless reaching for your phone, all before you are even fully aware of what you are doing and ask yourself, ” Should I text my ex?”
Suddenly, you are formulating and reworking nostalgic refrains in your mind. These lines are so interesting, witty, and powerful that you almost think they will defibrillate a past relationship, like some kind of Christmas miracle.
At this point, much like that incredibly expensive gift in your shopping cart that you tried to convince yourself you could afford by making confirmed payments, you pause and ask yourself “What is the real cost of this for me?”
You are a conscious and beautiful human being, so yes, holidays can bring emotions ranging from joy to nostalgia, to extreme misery when we think about your ex (which may be all the time).
Thinking about your ex during this time is completely normal; however, if you feel like an unstoppable, involuntary bear motivated to text your ex, just to feel like you can live, there is probably an element of unrequited love and toxicity in your previous relationship.
As Natasha has said many times, “A toxic ex is anyone who gets validation by exploiting your hunger for their own.”A toxic relationship is one in which you were just exploited, used, and invisible for who you are – because your ex was so ego-driven that he couldn’t be a real partner.
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You’re starving for closure, love, or recognition because you’ve been in a relationship with someone who can’t connect with you, reciprocate with you, or support you the way you deserve.
Left to its own devices, this hunger lives on, whether you are in a relationship or not.
For many reasons, including your childhood, attachment style, a potentially traumatic bond, or a myriad of other factors, you are convinced that this, a certain person, is crucial to your emotional survival. This drive becomes a powerful generator of reasons and excuses to text your ex.
But in what further harm to you?
I hope you read the following in this pause when you are wondering,” Should I text my ex?”
10 reasons why you should not text your (Sam) ex
- Your energy is the currency, and this currency is not easily created.
Your energy is the magnetism with which you attract the good in your life and repel what will harm you. This is what makes those around you feel cherished, lit up, and loved. This is what makes you feel safe, grounded, and anchored when you enjoy the present moment doing something you love.
Your energy is a gift.
Sending a text message to your ex not only drains you of your precious energy but also charges someone who has hurt you in the past. She is the buoy of someone who has exploited and used your energy during the relationship, even outside the relationship in exchange for nothing. Your energy, given to the wrong person, will not be evaluated as it should. What’s more, for this type of person, the absence of your energy will be felt more acutely, than its presence.
- What you got, is what you will get.
Even if the universe conspired to create the most ideal situation ex is at his lowest and thinking of you. You write exactly the right words in the right order that pulls exactly the right heartstrings, and your ex is still the same emotionally helpless, ego-driven person who is only able to respond to communication with you in a fleeting (at best) way.
Even if you cash in all your karmic good intentions to create this scenario, your ex is no different from the person you are in a relationship with. That improbable mini-moment when you receive something like a sincere text again will soon disappear, and you will be left with a hangover of Hope, which will make you feel even worse.
- The worst-case scenario is disgusting.
Your ex is in bed with someone when he receives your message. Your ex is at a bar with friends and passes around his phone, to show Friends that you are miserable without your ex. Your ex gets frustrated because he’s been rejected by someone else, and when he receives your messages, he gets such a cute little ego that he might be the guy.
Ego-driven, unavailable exes collect text messages like emotional currency, which they either validate (when they are at their lowest) or use to disrespect former exes in private and public ways. If you feel extreme disgust from the pit of your stomach reading this, use this feeling to put your phone down. But also know that none of this has anything to do with you or your value as a partner. Ego-driven people do not discriminate according to value. I was simply available and willingly (unknowingly) in a toxic relationship.
You don’t have to be a volunteer anymore.
- Texting your ex is to postpone the inevitable grief.
Real, necessary, and decisive grief begins when you realize that for the sake of your health and well-being, you will never interact with your ex again. If the texting option no longer exists, the really scary part begins.
Sure, you can give up, text your ex, be disappointed, or get back on the roller coaster again.
But how long are you going to postpone feeling sad?
What will you miss in the meantime?
Your body needs you to feel (very carefully, slowly, according to what you need) pain, take care of yourself, and be there for yourself, especially if you have been through the trauma of a toxic relationship. This is a part of you down to your very cells. It will remain a part of you until you process it, and you can never process it in an environment in which your ex has access to you.
- Who not to text when you text your ex?
When you spend your time thinking about a person who sent you mixed messages, hurt you (both knowingly and unintentionally), and a person who you can’t be yourself, you inevitably miss opportunities to communicate with people who will make you feel loved, expanded, and comfortable.
Related : How To Get Over Someone Who Ghosted You
Even if you are the loneliest person in the world at the moment and you can’t think of a single friend or a single human being who enjoys your company, you will never increase your chances of happiness if you constantly return to a person who has proven that he cannot support you on a stable basis.
- I’ve said enough.
If your ex was toxic, I’m willing to bet that you spent all your empathy, creative resources, and verbal and non-verbal communication skills explaining how you feel and looking for connection. There is no perfect way, no choosing words in the right order, no Jeff, no line of your heart that makes a person who does not have the potential for emotional intimacy evoke emotional intimacy. Another text message will not do the trick.
I’ve done enough. There is nothing more to say.
- One last text will not get you closure.
Again, if your ex is toxic, your ex won’t be able to close. Your ex doesn’t have a language for this, much like your ex probably can’t speak Latin fluently. Your ex can’t tell you the “truth” because they barely know what the truth is themselves. You may get something that comes close to” closing ” at some point, but this will not feed you, because you will know in your gut that it is not sincere.
- You’re better than this.
You-who have been through a lot, and touched a lot of people (knowingly and unknowingly), who freely gave your sympathy and love to others – you have people pulling for you.
Even if you feel lonely now, you inevitably have people who wish you a lot of joy and happiness and are looking forward to you. These people, even if you don’t know them and certainly people in this society, want you to get off this fun and give your presence and attention to someone worthy of it.
Remember who you are and why you survived. You deserve more than an SMS message.
- If you text your ex, what do you say to the younger version of yourself, who has been through a lot?
When you pay attention to a person who has harmed you, you inevitably tell the younger version of yourself, your inner child who has been with you all the time, that you are ready to continue to postpone taking care of her. Not only are you willing to put it off, but you are also communicating to her that the hits will keep coming. That you will not protect her, despite knowing what she knows about your ex.
- If you text your ex, what do you say to yourself and the universe, about what you dream about in the future?
You are creating life for your future, now, this moment, with what you are doing today. You are investing in your health, success, and happiness in the future.
Related : 8 warning signs you’re dealing with a manipulator or a narcissist
If you text your ex Today, you’re setting yourself up for more of the same in the future, which means at best, that’s exactly it – sitting back and wondering “Should I text my ex?”
Waiting for a response.
Your life is precious and short. When others talk about the dreams they followed, the books they read, the connections they made, the art they created, or the fun they had, what are you going to talk about? What will you have to show your time?
[…] Related : Should I Text My Ex? 10 Reasons Why You Should Never Text Your Ex […]