Self-consciousness is sensitivity like narcissism is self-absorption. Many people mistake the term self-awareness as a jargon like facilitation, monetization, or self-actualization. Christians, in particular, are often skeptical of any word that begins with “soul.” We forget that the commandment to love others as ourselves presupposes necessary self-love. But self-consciousness is the complete opposite of narcissism.
Narcissism projects an image onto the world, while the true self, like the picture hidden in Dorian Gray’s attic, becomes less visible over time. The narcissist’s cry is “I’ve been cheated on!” Narcissists seek to escape from themselves. Those with little self-awareness look carefully to find out what is true about themselves and the world around them.
The first characteristic of self-awareness is the ability to accurately perceive one’s influence on others.
We all know someone who is very loud or rude, interrupts conversations or throws tantrums inappropriately. We silently judge them precisely because of their lack of self-awareness. But do you really know how much influence you have on those around you? Do self-aware people in your sphere of influence know more than superficial, shallow things about you? More importantly, do you know how people feel when they are around you? Secondly, is it good in general?
The slogan “I don’t care what people think” sounds great, but Paul urged Christians to be all things to all people. The Bible speaks about the importance of a good reputation very clearly. We live in a community, whether at work, at home or with friends. People pleasers lose themselves in the name of acceptance, and therefore don’t leave much of an impression. They’re too busy hiding behind the invisibility cloak of shame. Narcissists hold everyone hostage with their magic, at least at first. They ignore any unflattering reviews of their performance because it does not align with their view of themselves.
Related : Gaslighting 101: Eight Signs You’re a Victim
A less direct path to narcissism is to become obsessed with how others see us to the point where we become paralyzed. This narcissistic stage begins in middle school and eventually ends with maturity. If not, it can become full-blown social anxiety where we agonize over the words spoken without doing our part for years on end. Self-awareness is a healthy compromise. Living in community means that we can make our presence felt without having to resort to attention-seeking behavior. It also means that we can ask for forgiveness when we sin and offer that forgiveness to ourselves.
Living in denial means having no self-awareness at all.
Blaming others in your life is like turning your life into an object, subject to the whims of a cruel world. But we are people who can act, not things. Where we are in life is, in part, a result of our decisions. Narcissists live in complete denial. And they consume those around them. When their victims have nothing left to offer, they blame them for failing to fix their inner emptiness. The other path to denial is to simply ignore what is true instead of blaming others. This also leads us away from self-awareness. The danger here is that we end up doing many things that harm others or ourselves and never face the uncomfortable truths staring us in the face.
The essential characteristic of self-awareness is the possession of core values. Core values and the experiences that helped shape those values form personal identity. When people say they are looking out for themselves, they are in one of two situations. Either they haven’t had enough experience yet to know what they believe, or they’re evading the commitment that comes with faith. The first is to be expected, especially from young people. The second generally consists of those who do not want to be associated with a particular identity. In this way self-consciousness leads to the burial of the true self. A person who has his own souls knows what they stand for, and knows the hills on which they wish to die. Self-awareness means taking ethical stances and acting from a place of understanding rather than simply responding to stimuli.
You can’t be honest when you’re busy denying who you are.
The last characteristic I want to mention is personal destiny. A person with a highly developed sense of self-awareness is one who understands his talent and its impact on others. They know who they are and what they believe in and develop a conviction that their lives have a greater purpose. A person with a sense of destiny or purpose develops a passion for a cause or vocation. They want their lives to continue to impact others long after they are gone.
The highest level of self-awareness is atonement. Atonement is to bear the burdens of a group of people upon oneself. Martin Luther King, Jr. had a sense of destiny that carried him to a place where he bore the burdens of his people. Jesus is the essence of the atonement. Because He is God Himself, He bears everyone’s burdens. The narcissist wants everyone to bear the burden of his life. Narcissism abdicates responsibility for oneself, let alone others. Developed self-awareness is taking full responsibility for one’s life, which includes the effects one has on others. God is a role model for us in self-awareness. He makes his presence known.
God’s first words about Himself are, “I am that I am.”
This may seem like an extreme example, but it is one that the Bible gives us. Satan, the original narcissist, wants to sabotage God’s glory for himself. This inevitably costs him his glory, just as narcissists tend to fade over time. Their victims grow wiser and fewer in number.
Finally, self-awareness is fluid and relates to many different areas of our lives. While one may have a high level of financial self-awareness, keen on saving and giving, one may lack self-awareness in health matters. Unhealthy eating affects more than just the person themselves, as it affects the limited ability to give and receive love, or the inability to hold down a job due to a lack of self-discipline.
The good and bad news is that self-awareness is a lifelong project.
Until Jesus returns to make all things truly new, including ourselves, self-awareness, like salvation, is often a matter of fear and trembling.
Related : “I thought you knew”: 9 phrases that show you’re dealing with a covert manipulator
Would you like to develop more self-awareness? Communicate, question, and even take risks. Catalog yourself, acknowledge your feelings, and learn how to face your fears. Learn to be vulnerable to others. To grow is to face the possibility of pain, but to stagnate is to stop living while waiting for death. I often ask people how they see me. A counselor friend of mine told me that I appear anxious on a regular basis. She even said that I was not aware of my anxiety. It is dangerous to ask others how they test us. We may not like what we hear. But just as my daughters and I have a rule of honesty when it comes to trying on clothes, we need people around us who can point out the gaps in our awareness. The truth may hurt, but would we really rather not know about our bad breath, staring habit, or tendency to make others uncomfortable around us (fill in the blank)?
Want a quick test to see if you’re on the right track? If you read the entire article, you have already begun to evaluate the major areas of your life, spiritual, physical, relational, educational, etc… for self-awareness. I did well. You are already on your way.
