Post-narcissistic disorder is a relatively new addition to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. It is also ironic, given that narcissistic personality disorder was removed from the same volume in 2013 amid protests from the majority of psychologists who know anything about the disorder. But academics aside, PTSD is a diagnosis that is here to stay. The narcissists that abound in today’s society would be interested in this.

The emotional trauma that a person experiences with a narcissist is severe. Some survivors must experience symptoms similar to those of soldiers returning from war. The levels of abuse endured in a relationship with a narc can be extremely traumatizing, although without the same recognition given to battle-weary soldiers. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, read this list carefully. If you can’t find a way to escape, this could be your future. If you’ve run away, this list may help you name your inner pain.

Symptoms of post-narcissistic disorder:

1: Traumatic flashbacks and memories of abuse appear regularly.

I found for at least a decade after escaping my abuser that I had some very sensitive erogenous zones. If I felt a lack of empathy in the exchange, my body would tremble and an image of my ex would flash in my mind. Even now, when I meet someone with low empathy, certain expressions of contempt can trigger a delayed chain of memories.

Dreams also turned into nightmares sometimes. I remember a dream in which I was on a farm, not unlike the dream we had in Kentucky. In my dream, I saw my ex trying to fix the fence around him. I watched in horror as he carefully placed a small chick on top of each nail he used on the fence, smashing it with his hammer as he hammered the nail. Later I realized that those chicks represented the innocence that my daughters and I had lost living with him. But those dreams could take me right back to reliving his cruelty and his enjoyment of tormenting us.

2: Narcissistic post-traumatic stress syndrome destroys the victim’s self-esteem.

I still remember begging the Lord to make me a good wife, as if that could help me in some way. But this is just the fruit of all the humiliation planted in the narcissist’s victim. Self-doubt often attacks the newly runaway man or woman. They wonder what they could have done differently. Only time and good therapy will help in understanding the narcissist’s intentional abuse.

But until I faced the devastating knowledge that my abuser had intentionally destroyed me and any sense of reality I had, I was in danger of falling into that cycle again. I accepted therapy from subsequent relationships that I would never accept now. Rebuilding the feeling that a person is worthy of love and worthy of respect takes a lot of self-care and intention.

3: Post-narcissistic disorder makes reintegration into normal life difficult.

For me, being able to write posts like this is very freeing, although I will admit it has cost me. After years of abuse, I was not only exhausted, but I felt like I would never find my way emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. I felt very isolated from my family and felt out of character for a long time. The breakup only went away with a lot of internal healing and therapy with someone who understood the narcissistic abuse. For me, post-narcissism syndrome means I don’t know how to get into a relationship. I was often paranoid that if I expressed my true feelings, I would be abandoned.

Just like a soldier returning from war, a survivor of post-narcissistic disorder must relearn normal interactions. I tried to be the perfect friend and ultimately the perfect wife. My worth was completely dependent on the man I was in love with at the time. The soldier may have to learn how to be kind and gentle again. I had to grow a spine. The abuse taught me that showing emotions and expressing my thoughts is dangerous. I had to reset my idea of ​​security. No, this is not accurate. I had to learn what security was.

Other symptoms of narcissistic stress syndrome are very similar to PTSD. Here’s a short list to refresh your memory. I suffered from many of them, and in fact, I still suffer from them sometimes.

Insomnia or difficulty concentrating
Excessive vigilance and always taking into account one’s surroundings
Stress reactions to any conflict or flashes of anger
High levels of anxiety even when things are normal
Mixed feelings, even towards good people

• Inability to accept love or praise
• A distorted view of oneself and a tendency to blame oneself
  Physical and emotional responses that are out of sync with the situation

I was very slow to understand my situation. As a single mother of four, I thought I could handle it all. I’m a high-functioner, so when I felt depressed or sad overwhelming me, I kept going. But when I started adding vocabulary to my story with words like narcissism and trauma, I began to allow myself to unravel some of my own story.

I remember being at a school meeting for one of my daughters. Her teacher was expressing her dissatisfaction with her performance. He did not know, like me, what she had gone through with her father, as well as a series of suicides among her friends. My husband, not understanding how provocative I was, asked her why she hadn’t turned in her homework. I almost passed out from anxiety. It took every ounce of self-control to get out of the room.

I now realize that I was suffering from a very severe case of Narcissistic Stress Syndrome. I felt like it was all my fault. I was a bad mother. I felt publicly humiliated. I read disdain where perhaps there was only concern. But that is the nature of trauma. His terror-stricken face appears at inappropriate moments.

For me, Jesus was the real answer. He is nice to me but honest. I don’t know who I would have been if I hadn’t suffered a decade of abuse. But I know who I am now thanks to a loving God who loves me tenderly and faithfully. He sent the healers I needed when I was ready. And I see him doing this to others all the time. Post-narcissistic disorder can be a temporary diagnosis, not a lifelong reality.