Narcissistic parents want their children to grow up to be who they want them to be. This robs them of their individuality as individuals.

Being young and impressionable can be the perfect ingredients for manipulation, as narcissistic parents take on the task of shaping their children in the way they see fit.

As a result, children grow up to be abused adults over the years, bearing traits—or evidence—of having been raised in a dysfunctional narcissistic household.

These are the 10 traits that people raised by narcissists often exhibit.

1 Low/Poor Self-Esteem

The typical trajectory of a typical child of a narcissist is that they grow up never feeling good enough or always feeling like they have something to prove. Trying to get attention can be equated with wanting their approval and validation.

Related : 8 Reasons Why You Can Never Expect Empathy From a Narcissist

It’s not uncommon for a narcissistic parent to tell their child that they’re not good enough or not good at something—can you imagine how a child who’s trying so hard to impress must feel?

What does this lead to?

Self-esteem is crushed, as the constant failure to meet the narcissistic parent’s high and ever-shifting standards affects even their ability to love themselves.

2 Fear of abandonment

The fear of abandonment stems from a childhood where you never really knew if the narcissistic mother or father (or both) would be there for you.

Swallowed by their selfish priorities, the child often comes last in their list of importance. Sometimes, this can be met with overwhelming love and affection to fill in the gaps.

This push and pull of affection can lead to a fear of abandonment as an adult. Not knowing when or if someone will leave you is a common trait of being raised by a narcissist.

3 Overly critical of others

Children of narcissistic parents are likely to grow up in the same pattern as the parent in question – using criticism explicitly as a communication tool and lacking ways to see how different and wonderful we all are.

Criticism comes second to none – because it’s something they’ll have to deal with regularly and probably still do, even as adults.

4 Anxiety or Depression Levels

Anxiety is common in children of narcissistic parents, as they spent their childhood with an overactive nervous system, putting them on high alert for confrontation or conflict.

Not knowing what mood a narcissistic parent will be in is enough to cause even the most laid-back person to spike their cortisol levels, even from a young age.

Depression is also common, as revealing their past can be very illuminating for them in adulthood. It can be very difficult to understand what you’ve been through and how you’ve suffered as a result – leaving room for depression to develop.

5 Lack of Empathy

If you grew up in a home that lacked empathy, you’ll have a good chance of swinging to the side of a narcissistic parent who had none.

Did you fall and hurt yourself? Get up, you’ll be fine!

Did you fail a test at school? Well, you should have studied harder!

Related : Six Reasons Narcissists Suddenly Go Silent

Did you feel sick? Be strong. I have to go to work, even when I’m sick, so you have to go to school.

When empathy is lacking, it can rub off on you. If you have to tolerate it, everyone else should, too, right?

6 Intimacy Issues

Feeling a lack of affection as a child can lead to a lack of understanding of how to produce or accept it as a child.

Ultimately, this can lead to intimacy issues, where you are unable to express your feelings toward someone in healthy or natural ways because affection of any kind was not designed for you.

Depriving someone of opportunities to show or receive love is enough to develop an insecure attachment style, where affection is forbidden or never encouraged—leading to low or nonexistent levels of intimacy in adulthood.

7 Lack of Emotional Regulation

How can anyone express their emotional state in a regulated way if it’s something they never had the opportunity to learn as a child?

A narcissistic parent is unable to monitor or maintain healthy stress levels or responses, which in turn will trigger an unhealthy response to anything intense or stressful in the child.

Healthy parents will encourage emotional reflection and take the time to help their children understand how they feel, while narcissistic parents will do the exact opposite.

Where is the emotionally structured happy ending in this? There isn’t one.

8 Competitiveness

Having to fight for your narcissistic parent’s attention will make you, as a child, feel like your only option is to make yourself seen and heard and be the best you can be.

Why?

So they approve of you and shower you with affection and compliments!

Does it work?

Maybe temporarily. Being in the good books of a narcissistic parent doesn’t last long enough for you to feel secure and reassured, so you’re likely to carry a competitive spirit as an adult, wanting to outdo everyone else and envying those who are more successful because that’s simply not you.

9 Constant Apologizing

Thinking about all the times a child apologized when they didn’t do anything wrong will haunt them into adulthood.

“Sorry” is a peace-keeping word. Using the word “sorry” as a child when a narcissistic parent tempts you with neglect or the silent treatment to apologize or ask what you did wrong will never leave you unless you work hard to understand that nothing was ever your fault — it was just a ploy by the narcissistic parent to control you and make sure you know they are the boss.

10 Attachment Issues

Insecure attachments arise from a fear that someone will leave you. As an adult, this may look like wanting to do everything to please them so they will stay.

More anxious attachment styles may look like jealousy or never feeling good about that person.

This is because the adult child of a narcissist never experienced a healthy, loving, safe home where they felt safe.

There may also be avoidant attachments, where people avoid any displays of love in the first place because their model and idea of ​​love as children was conditioned and disruptive.

It is also sad that it is not uncommon for these attachment styles to intersect and intertwine as traits of people who grew up with a narcissistic parent.