Relationships are never perfect. Even true love has ups and downs, and even two people who are deeply in love have their own problems.
But the least you should ask for is to have a self-aware and emotionally mature partner.
When that’s not the case, it makes navigating downtime more difficult.
Here are the signs that you’re with someone who lacks emotional maturity (as well as what to do about it).
1) Closing
No one is in the mood to communicate and talk all the time.
But when you’re with someone who suddenly stops working for no apparent reason or because of issues of their own, it can be very frustrating to say the least.
What are you supposed to do now?
If you ask what’s wrong they will say you are pressuring them. If you don’t ask, they will often say you are neglecting them.
It’s kind of a lose-lose situation.
2) Cutting
The next habit in an emotionally immature relationship is refusing to listen.
This often manifests itself in never remembering what you say or interrupting you as soon as you start talking.
If you’re with someone who keeps cutting you off, it’s not just your imagination. They show real disrespect.
This is not okay.
3) Defense
Defensiveness is a classic sign of emotional immaturity in a relationship.
We all need to be able to accept constructive criticism sometimes, like it or not.
When you date someone who gets defensive at even the slightest criticism or issue that comes up, it can be very confusing.
4) Hypersensitivity
Oversensitivity can be a real problem in relationships, and if you’re with someone who sees every little problem as the end of the world, it can be very frustrating.
that’s life.
If you’re with someone who can’t handle it, what are you supposed to do? Do you protect them from every bump in the road as if you were their father or something?
5) Clinging
Being with a clingy person is tiring and sad.
You enjoy their attention, but their dependence on you is another matter entirely.
It’s not attractive for beginners. It also makes you feel pressured to be there for them every time they reach out.
It’s like you can’t live your own life and have to be their constant on-call companion or something.
“An emotionally immature person may have an excessive need for external validation and approval,” says relationship expert Rachel Peace.
“They may rely heavily on their partner for reassurance, and seek constant validation of their worth, decisions, and actions.”
6) Blame
If you’re with someone who blames others for a lot of their problems, it can be very frustrating.
They may be right about many of their criticisms, and you may also agree and share these frustrations.
But being in a relationship with someone who is so focused on blame can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Do you join their negativity procession or try to get them out of the blame game? Both options seem likely to lead to their own set of problems.
7) Holding a grudge
We all hold grudges sometimes, even in the short term.
But if you’re with someone consumed by their grudges, it can be very difficult to know what to do about it.
Do you pressure them to get over it? Do you sympathize? Are you just trying to remain neutral and hope they get over it?
Often there is no clear answer, but bitter energy begins to eat away at your relationship and poison your intimacy.
You may also start to feel like your partner cares more about getting someone back for what they did than their love for you.
8) Jealousy
A little jealousy is a normal part of life, but being with someone who is extremely jealous is a lot.
When it crosses the line into possessiveness and they actually become suspicious or accusatory towards you and your daily schedule, then it becomes truly toxic.
If you deny that you did anything wrong, it makes them more convinced that something is wrong…
If you try to ignore unjustified jealousy, they will continue to spark envy.
This is the person who has to face his green monster.
9) Instability
Another trait of those who are emotionally immature is impermanence.
One moment they are rising, the next they are falling.
It is not a mood disorder, but rather a way of not having the personal stability and integrity to maintain their behavior from one moment to the next.
If they are hungry, they will talk to you rudely and angrily. If they are happy to get work done early, you are treating them as overzealous and enthusiastic.
It’s as if you’re meant to be a negative or encouraging vessel that affirms and matches that person’s every mood.
Toxic!
10) Emotional transfer
Emotional shifting is another behavior that emotionally immature people engage in in relationships.
This is where they basically use you as a replacement for someone else.
Instead of actually interacting with you and interacting with you, you just become a recipient of their feelings and reactions to other people who are not there at the moment.
As WebMD explains:
“Transferral is when someone redirects their feelings about one person to another person.”
11) Impulsivity
Emotionally immature people are very impulsive in relationships.
This fits with their own habits and lack of self-control, but it also applies to the way they see the relationship itself and you.
One moment they seem committed and really love you, and the next they seem indifferent and uncommunicative. One moment they’re angry and rude, the next they’re all about a new hobby or interest and they forget they were upset.
This links a lot to the next point as well…
12) Emotional blackmail
Emotionally immature individuals have a very difficult time not getting what they want.
If they want more power, they often resort to emotional blackmail.
This means they will withhold affection or intimacy unless you do what they want, or they will punish you with anger and bitterness until you give in.
They will also do things like treat people coldly or make them jealous as another form of emotional blackmail.
If it works, they will.
13) Free load
It’s sad to see free loading, whether it’s a gold digger on the prowl or a couch potato brother with a video game controller in his hand.
When one person refuses to contribute at all to the relationship, it makes the whole thing that much more difficult and stressful.
The worst kind of emotionally immature person will use their partner’s financial well-being or good job as an excuse:
“Well, my girlfriend and I have a decent job, so I don’t have to worry too much about the financial side of things.”
14) Negativity
Emotional maturity sometimes requires playing an active role even when someone would prefer to stay away from others.
A person who is not emotionally mature may display a great deal of negativity.
Look for a lot of sarcasm and “whatever” in all areas of the relationship. They’re not “quiet”, they just expect you to handle everything.
15) Reliability
Codependency is a toxic form of dependence on each other, which is not love but can be disguised as love.
If you are with a partner who is dependent on you, he or she often portrays the role of victim or rescuer.
They are either mired in trouble and always need to be rescued and rescued, or they play the role of rescuing you and being your hero.
But when they can’t play the desired role, there’s not much going on between you. It’s as if you’re not in love, you’re just in some sort of weird dependence on playing the role.
