The prospect of aging is a common fear, one that I’ve struggled with more and more since I turned 40. Now, at 43, the reality of aging is no longer just a distant thought, but a sharp awareness that follows me around every step of the way.
You could say I’ve become somewhat of an expert on the subject, not by choice, but by my fears. Anxiety, dread, and constant self-reflection—it’s been a long journey.
In this journey, I’ve noticed several personality traits that seem to be common to those of us who constantly worry about aging. These are traits I see in myself, and you probably see them too. Here are nine personality traits that we typically find in people who are very stressed about aging.
1) A Tendency to Dwell on the Past
Looking back can be a wonderful source of nostalgia and learning. However, for those of us who worry about aging, there’s a tendency to dwell on the past more than is helpful.
It’s not uncommon to find ourselves lost in the “good old days,” reminiscing about our youth and the opportunities that time has afforded us. But this constant looking back can stifle our ability to fully live in the present and plan for the future.
This tendency to dwell on the past can also lead to a distorted perception of our current reality. We may find ourselves comparing our current selves to who we were years ago, setting unrealistic expectations and fostering disappointment.
By all means, let’s look back and learn from our past. But let’s also remember that life is happening here and now, in every breath we take, in every decision we make. The past has shaped us, but it doesn’t define us. It’s time to step out of the shadows of yesterday and embrace the light of today.
2) Fear of the Unknown
As someone who regularly struggles with the fear of aging, I’ve come to realize that a large part of that fear is rooted in the unknown. What will I look like? What will my health be like? Will I be able to do the things I love?
This fear can seem overwhelming at times, but it’s important to remember that it’s not unique to those of us who are concerned about aging. The future is always uncertain, no matter how old we are. But as we age, the stakes seem to rise, and the unknowns seem to become more difficult.
But here’s the thing: fear of the unknown can only be paralyzing if we let it. It can keep us stuck, unable to move forward. Or it can motivate us to take action, to take steps toward securing a healthier, more fulfilling future.
As the famous psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The only person who is truly educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.” So let’s look at this fear not as an obstacle in the way but as an opportunity to learn and adapt. After all, change is the only constant in life.
3) Striving for Perfection in Relationships
Among those who are concerned about aging, there is often a strong longing for perfection in relationships. It feels like we are racing against time to find the “perfect” partner or achieve the “perfect” relationship.
However, this pursuit of perfection can prevent us from forming deep, meaningful relationships. It’s important to recognize that the perfect partner or relationship doesn’t exist. What’s more important is to embrace our current circumstances and work on improving our relationships from where we are.
This is a key lesson in Rhoda Iande’s course “The Art of Love and Intimacy.” The course encourages you to see your external relationships as a mirror of your internal relationship with yourself, empowering you to take control of your personal growth.
By adopting this approach, you can break free from societal conditioning around love and intimacy, and begin to cultivate authentic relationships that truly fulfill you.
I invite you to take the first step towards transforming your approach to relationships. Check out the course here. You don’t have to be limited by unrealistic ideals. You can find fulfillment in authentic, respectful relationships.
4) Fear of being alone
Let’s be honest, the fear of being alone can be especially intense for those of us who are worried about aging. Over time, the idea of not having a partner or a close circle of friends can become a looming specter. It’s not just the fear of physical loneliness, it’s also the emotional isolation that can come with it.
With our society’s focus on romantic partnerships and the myth of the “perfect relationship” we discussed in the previous point, it’s easy to feel inadequate or incomplete—such as when we’re single or don’t have a large social network.
But here’s an uncomfortable truth: you can be in a relationship, even in a room full of people, and still feel intensely lonely.
It’s important to understand that being alone doesn’t equal feeling lonely. Solitude can provide us with opportunities for self-reflection, self-discovery, and getting to know ourselves outside of the context of others.
As we navigate our aging journey, let’s challenge our fear of loneliness. Let’s turn it into an opportunity for growth and self-empowerment.
So, I leave you with this question: What if being alone was just another way to get to know yourself better and develop a true relationship with yourself?
5) Struggle for Self-Acceptance
Here’s something that may be hard to believe: Those of us who worry about aging often struggle with self-acceptance. We find it difficult to accept ourselves as we are, and we constantly seek to change or improve certain aspects of our lives.
This constant quest for improvement, while it can lead to growth, can also become a hindrance. It can prevent us from appreciating ourselves and our lives as they are now. In our pursuit of some distant future state, we may miss the beauty and richness of our current reality.
The key is to find balance. Yes, aim for growth and improvement, but not at the expense of negating your current self. It’s important to remember that every stage of life, including the one you’re in now, has its unique value and significance.
Let’s celebrate our journey so far, and accept ourselves, with all our imperfections. Because the truth is: that your value is not determined by your age or any external factor. It lies within you, in your capacity to love, create, contribute, and grow. You are enough, just as you are.
6) Obsessing over Appearance
As we age, changes in our physical appearance become inevitable. For those of us who worry about aging, this reality can often lead to an unhealthy obsession with our outward appearance. We may find ourselves spending excessive time and resources trying to reverse or slow these natural changes.
Instead of resisting these changes, let’s shift our focus to embracing them. Let’s remember that every wrinkle, every gray hair, every change in our bodies is a testament to the life we’ve lived—the experiences we’ve had, the wisdom we’ve gained.
Let’s also remember that true beauty isn’t about flawless appearance. It’s about authenticity, kindness, and generosity—qualities that are more enduring and impactful.
Aging isn’t a loss of beauty, but a deepening of it. It’s a shift from an outward-focused concept of beauty to an inner beauty that radiates from within.
7) Resisting Change
Change is a natural part of life. However, for those who are constantly worried about aging, there is often a strong resistance to change, especially when it comes to personal habits and lifestyle.
We may cling to routines and habits that no longer serve us simply because they are familiar and comfortable. However such resistance can prevent us from adapting and evolving with the changing seasons of life.
Let’s remember that change is not something to be feared but rather embraced. It is through change that we learn, grow, and become better versions of ourselves. Every challenge contains within it the seeds of creative potential.
8) Neglecting Health and Wellness
In the hustle and bustle of life, it is easy to neglect our health and wellness. This neglect may be especially evident among those who are worried about aging.
However, ignoring our health does not prevent us from aging; it only speeds up the process. It is vital to prioritize our health—both physical and mental—as we age.
Exercising regularly, eating a balanced diet, getting enough sleep, and practicing mindfulness aren’t just good for our bodies; they’re good for our souls, too. They improve our quality of life, help us age gracefully, and most importantly, make us feel good about ourselves.
9) Fear of Insignificance
Last but not least, those who worry about aging often suffer from the fear of becoming insignificant—of feeling ignored or undervalued in a society that glorifies youth.
However, let’s remember that significance isn’t defined by age. It’s defined by how we show up in the world—our actions, our contributions, our creativity.
It’s not about trying to fit into societal norms or expectations. It’s about aligning our lives with our values and using our unique talents in the service of something greater than ourselves.
No matter how old we get, we can always make a difference. We can always be significant.
Embracing the Journey of Aging
In this exploration of the common personality traits of people who worry about aging, we delved into some uncomfortable truths. We confronted our fears, resistances, obsessions, and insecurities. But more than that, we discovered opportunities for growth, self-awareness, and self-empowerment.
The fear of aging, with all its challenges and uncertainties, can be daunting. Yet through this very journey, we have the opportunity to embrace our authenticity, cultivate deeper connections with ourselves and others, and redefine what it means to be relevant and fulfilled.
We learned that each stage of life has its unique value and potential. And each of us, regardless of our age or circumstances, can make a positive contribution to the world around us.
For those who would like to delve deeper into these ideas and apply them to their personal growth and relationships, I highly recommend the free course The Art of Love and Intimacy by Rhoda Iande. This course offers powerful exercises that reflect your inner state through your relationships, empowering you to take control of your evolution.
By taking this course, you can transform your approach to relationships, break free from societal myths about love and intimacy, and cultivate authentic connections that truly fulfill you. It’s a transformative experience that aligns perfectly with the character traits we’ve discussed here. Embarking on this journey requires courage, honesty, and an open heart. But remember: aging isn’t just about getting older; it’s about growing wiser. It’s about living authentically, embracing change, and making the most of every moment.
