No one likes a manipulator, except perhaps another manipulator.

Manipulators use our vulnerabilities against us to get us to behave in ways we would not otherwise. Often, they manipulate their romantic partners, making them stay when they want to leave or taking advantage of their finances.

The problem is that although it’s easy to think of manipulators as evil, it’s not as if they’re wearing a uniform. How can we discover them?

Well, that’s a good question. lets take alook.

1) They are charismatic
Well, I’m not saying that everyone who is charismatic is a manipulator, but it is true that most manipulators are charismatic.

They should be, because it’s their charisma that allows them to be so manipulative in the first place. People trust them because they are very charismatic, and they are able to abuse this trust to manipulate people into doing their bidding.

There’s a reason why cult leaders are able to build and manipulate large followings, and it starts with the letter “C” and ends with “Harisma.”

So, if you notice that someone is charismatic but forces you to do things you don’t want to, you may have found a manipulator.

2) They use selective disclosure
The idea behind selective disclosure is that someone will only transmit certain information.

This means that the manipulator may tell you the shortest route from point A to point B, but will neglect to tell you that there is a fallen tree, the roads are closed, or that you will have to swim in shark-infested waters.

Manipulators do this because they don’t see it as lying, and they often shift blame (more on that soon) by saying it’s your fault if you don’t look at what they’re telling you.

Skilled manipulators will also play the innocent, acting as if the reason they didn’t give you all the information is because they didn’t get it themselves.

3) They use gaslighting
Gaslighting is a favorite technique of manipulators where they use lies and deception to make the victim question their sanity.

They will do things like hide your keys, tell you they should be where you left them, and then return them a few hours later.

Why? Well, because they can, and because it breaks down their victims’ resistance and makes them easier to manipulate in the future.

For the majority of people, gaslighting is viewed as one of the most inexcusable manipulative behaviors. And for good reason.

4) They are good at shifting blame
Manipulators know that they are responsible for much of the suffering their partners experience, so they find ways to avoid being held accountable for it.

One of the most common is that they will shift blame. In other words, if they suspect that their partner will accuse them of something, they will accuse their partner of it first.

We looked at an example of this when we talked about selective detection. They may give you a road you can’t actually drive on and then blame you for not doing your research to make sure the road was clear.

Often, blame shifting leads to arguments, and the arguments themselves often play a role in the manipulator’s narrative.

5) They like to play the victim
The idea here is that the manipulator will victimize someone and then immediately take on the role of victim himself. This makes it difficult for the victim to confront them about their bad behavior.

To me, this puts me in mind of someone punching someone and then blaming them for hurting their knuckles.

You see, it’s hypocritical and manipulative, but unfortunately for us, it’s also effective. Like the boy who cried wolf, it can be difficult to know when he’s truly a victim.

6) They fluctuate quickly through emotions

Many people make the mistake of doing this, but it’s often because they have a mental health condition or aren’t good at managing their emotions.

With manipulators, things are completely different. They can have an unusually high level of control over their emotions, so instead of just experiencing them like the rest of us, they are able to turn them into weapons.

For this reason, it is common to see them move from one emotion to another and then from another emotion after that. They will use any emotion they know will get the results they seek.

And the people closest to them are the ones who have to deal with it.

7) They are a guilt trip
Manipulators are not above using guilt to get what they want, which is one reason people tend to stick with them.

The problem is that they make you feel guilty about things you shouldn’t feel guilty about, and then leave you feeling as if you have an obligation to make it up to them, even though they are the ones who are at fault.

They will use all kinds of different strategies to guilt trip people, but one of the most common and cliched strategies is that they will do something violent like smash up a room and then say, “Look what you made me do.”

There are some things you should feel guilty about. But there are a lot of other things you shouldn’t do.

8) They give mixed messages
As you can tell from what we’ve talked about so far, manipulators are good at sending mixed messages.

The goal of these mixed messages is to keep people guessing at all times, because they know that will make it easier to manipulate them. It’s all about being as unpredictable as possible.

These mixed messages are often backed by the rapid contrast in emotions we mentioned earlier, leading to situations where they’re praising you one moment and then cursing you the next.

On the plus side, since these messages go against the normal rules of civilized society, these messages can be very easy to detect.

9) They exploit people’s weaknesses
If we were to summarize all the points we have mentioned so far, they can all fall under this point.

Manipulators are experts at discovering people’s weaknesses and then identifying ways in which they can exploit them for their own purposes.

If they know that you are afraid to be alone, they will deliberately leave you alone and will return only when you agree to their demands. If you’re not good at saying no, they’ll pressure you to say yes to things you don’t want to agree to.

This willingness and ability to exploit people’s vulnerabilities is what makes knowing manipulators dangerous in the first place.

Conclusion

Now that you know the subtle red flags that could indicate someone is highly manipulative, you’re in a much better place to defend yourself.

Conclusion

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