At the lowest point in my life, my identity became “what everyone wants to do/think/plan/be”. I didn’t know how to stop being a weak person.

I would do or say something, and while I was doing/saying it, I would think to myself “What am I doing here? I don’t even want to do/say this!” I cared so much about what people thought of me. Because I was more concerned with being what others needed me to be, I wasn’t able to meet my own needs.

IStartedHatingMyself.

“I can’t tell you the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.” – Ed Sheeran

People pleasing boils down to feeling like you’re never enough. Whether you want to admit it or not, because you feel like you’re not good enough, you compensate with your actions “Please tell me how high you can jump”. You attract toxic relationships that require you to be a footstool and put others on a high pedestal. Once you reach that point, you won’t know how to stop being a footstool.

Then you start to believe that your opinions, desires, needs, and voice don’t matter and never will. You’d rather be liked and devalued than have the courage to be rejected right away. People-pleasing makes you a prime candidate for emotionally unavailable relationships, narcissistic partners, and fake friendships.

If you want to know how to stop being a people-pleaser and get your life back, here are 5 steps to stop people-pleasing for good…

You don’t owe anyone anything. Being a people-pleaser will make you treat every situation, relationship, and person as if you owe them something. If you treat people as if you owe them something, it’s because deep down inside you don’t feel like you’re enough. Then you end up making promises you can’t keep, telling white lies, sugarcoating, creating unnecessary drama, and doing things you don’t want to do—just because you feel like you have to make up for the fact that you exist. You are more than enough.

You don’t have to be a “yes” person and you don’t have to treat anyone as if you owe them anything. You can learn how to stop being a weak person now. When I was young, I once touched a hot stove and got badly burned. I haven’t touched a hot stove since. When I had a health scare years and years ago, I quit smoking for good. Change happened in an instant because I knew I needed to change. Change is just one decision away. What takes time is convincing our low self-esteem that we can change. Just do it because guess what? You can. You won’t find yourself at the end of your life one day, thankful that you didn’t change and that you continued to please people. Know that if you want to succeed, disappointment is inevitable.

There is no other way. Just as you can’t run without your heart rate getting high, you can’t be successful while simultaneously being everyone’s cup of tea. If you truly decide to succeed, you must accept that people will be disappointed, offended, angry, resentful, and critical. I have finally built enough momentum in my own life that I feel deeply fulfilled and motivated by what I do. I am working for something; I have a purpose. It doesn’t matter to me what others think because I know that the moment I deviate from my commitment to success, I can’t grow. Do I think I’ve already achieved this huge success? Well, yes. Yes, because I define success as Earl Nightingale did: “Success is nothing more than the gradual realization of a worthwhile ideal. That means that anyone who knows what he’s doing and where he’s going is a success. Anyone who has a goal to work toward is a success.”

Related :! 10 signs you’re dealing with a master manipulator (according to psychology)

“The person.” That’s right, progress. As long as you are moving toward a worthwhile goal or ideal, what will happen? You are very successful. As long as you are successful, you will always disappoint others because not everyone can achieve their goals gradually without getting frustrated and destroying themselves.

Make the decision that you would rather have an honest opinion and be remembered than be liked/accepted and forgotten. Period.

Remember that you should never beg for help, love, and care from anyone. If you find yourself doing this, it is because you cannot do it yourself.

Drop expectations in your relationships and start expecting things from yourself. I have no expectations when it comes to other people. I expect that if I am treated poorly, I will set boundaries to act accordingly while staying on my white horse.

Related : How To Stop Missing Someone When You’re Heartbroken

When you decide to put an end to the desire to please people, you are putting an end to being an undesirable person and taking other people’s behavior personally.

What you need to take personally is your relationship with yourself.

Have you ever noticed how people who mind their own business, who are honest and friendly, who mind their own business, always get insulted?

That’s because ponies know a stallion when they see one. And even if they can’t be a stallion, they want to bond with one. Stop trying to bond with stallions by pleasing people and just be yourself unapologetically and kindly. You were born a stallion.

You are more than enough and you can speak kindly. I promise you the world will adjust and the sky won’t fall…