So, you went to church, you got married…
…and now you’re asking yourself if it really is the church of love.
Well, if you marry a narcissist, it won’t be the church of love, it’ll be the church of misery—and that’s just the beginning.
The questions you start asking yourself. Doubting that they’re not who they claim to be.
And as things get worse, you ask yourself the most fateful question of all…
…Did I marry a narcissist?
Well, here’s how you know.
It Didn’t Like It At First
I can’t stress this enough—but when you first meet a narcissist—you won’t always notice.
In fact, the more obscure they are, the harder it is. Narcissists don’t want you to know who they really are the second, minute, day, week, or even month you meet them.
They have a motive, and it takes time to uncover it.
Ideally, the narcissist wants you to fall for every trick they offer, subconsciously deceived by the charm, intelligence, and false promises that come out of their mouths.
Once you do, they often seal the deal, which does nothing but make the victims feel:
Wanted
Loved
Appreciated
Admired
It’s their time for love! It’s finally their time! Someone is madly in love with them, and they’re so happy!
Fairytale, right?
Wrong!
What I Was Looking For?
You were looking for someone who would show you that you’re worthy of love, someone who would make you think, “Yes, I am worthy.
Related : Is The Narcissist You Know a Psychopath?
I am capable of finding and experiencing love, and I am good enough for someone.” This fulfills all the victim’s needs.
So, when the marriage proposal is proposed to, the only option is to refuse, and their blissful ignorance of the truth is masked behind lies, smiles, and manipulation, all under the guise of love.
You were looking for genuine feelings, and you found a talented actor.
What Did You Fall Into?
I love you so much.
Please never leave me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.
You’re everything to me.
There’s no one like you.
I can’t imagine not knowing you.
Comments like these will appeal to the most suspicious and insecure hearts, and narcissists know this.
You feel like you’re pretending, and many do.
But what exactly happened for you to fall in love this way?
In short, you believed them.
You believed their words, and sometimes they “showed” you their love. Let’s take a look at what that looked like.
What Happened Over Time?
Reflecting honestly on how you met, did you feel like you were being saved?
Many victims of narcissistic abuse find themselves as if the narcissist had saved them.
From loneliness to a lack of trust, another abusive relationship, or the feeling that they will never truly be loved.
It takes time for a narcissist to get to know you because they put a lot of effort into getting to know you and all your vulnerabilities.
Related : 6 Big Mistakes People Make When Dealing With Covert Narcissists
Narcissists exploit their partners’ vulnerabilities. They may ask them about their fears or triggers, what worries, saddens, or frustrates them.
Over time, these same things are used against their partners. By deliberately irritating them, the narcissist may intervene to show that they are the one who will save or fix them.
In other words, they mess something up and are the first to fix it.
Intimacy May Be Something Understood in Silence
Well, your version of intimacy will be very different from the narcissist’s version.
What comes to mind when you hear the word “intimacy”?
I’ll help you here.
For emotionally normal people, intimacy looks like this:
Physical. Think beyond just “sex” here. Think about cuddling, lying together in bed and talking, kissing, holding hands, or any kind of emotional or erotic touch.
Emotional: Sharing thoughts or feelings, talking about vulnerabilities or fears, being a support or listener, exploring your goals or dreams, or making plans together. Anything emotional that involves expressing your needs would fall into this category.
Social intimacy. What do you do as a couple? What common interests can you grow in together?
Spiritual intimacy. Do you reflect on your spiritual practices, whatever they may be? Do they differ from your partner’s? If so, how do you compromise and allow respect and space?
All of these types of intimacy make for a perfectly healthy relationship: wholesome. If there are major pieces missing, or worse, even missing elements, there will be problems down the road.
Signs You’re Married To A Narcissist
Looking at the signs that you may be married to a narcissist will be the foundation upon which you will build your current situation. I hope these are helpful, however.
Clarity is very important.
- They’ve Changed
Yes. The mask can and will fall if you marry a narcissist. No one can maintain a facade for long, and eventually, over time, the magic they had when you first met will completely fade.
Related : When You Stop Caring About The Narcissist They Will Do This!
The first sign of this is when they surprise you. Perhaps in the way they react to something, talk to you, or treat you.
- Broken Promises
You notice that they make promises to make you happy, but these promises are rarely, if ever, fulfilled.
This leaves you feeling disappointed, and you realize that they are actually lies.
- You Feel Like You’re Changing
Over the years, we all change as we grow and learn more about life. But these changes are more about you.
You stop smiling. Your anxiety increases. You feel sad and alone. No one seems to understand what you’re going through.
You lose confidence in yourself and what you’re capable of. You know something is wrong, but you can’t pinpoint what it is.
A change like this is never good.
- You Start Worrying About Their Mood
What mood will they wake up in?
Will they come home angry?
Will they get back at me again?
It shouldn’t be like this with a spouse, but narcissists behave this way to ensure that you’re constantly in a state of intimidation around them. You’re too afraid to confront them, but you know it’s not true.
Related : The Narcissist Eternally Suffers From These 6 Things
These varying moods can leave you feeling confused, and suddenly you spend most of your days trying to predict your own mood so you can psychologically prepare for it.
For this reason, narcissists always keep their moods secret until they’re ready to reveal them.
Then things always surprise you.
Unfortunately, this is all too common in marriages with narcissists.
