Debunking the popular belief that opposites attract, a comprehensive analysis by the University of Colorado Boulder has revealed that romantic partners often share up to 89 percent of the traits analyzed. The study, which spanned more than a century and included millions of couples, suggests that we’re more likely to pair up with people who are remarkably similar to us across a range of characteristics, including political leanings, social habits, and even the age of first sexual activity.
The research, published in the journal Nature Human Behavior, analyzed more than 130 traits. From political views to drug habits, and even the age of first sexual intercourse, it found that partners were more similar than different. “Our results show that birds of a feather flock together,” said first author Tanya Horowitz, a doctoral candidate at the University of Colorado Boulder.
Only 3 percent of traits showed significant differences between partners. This contradicts the old assumption that “opposites attract,” which is not accurate when it comes to human relationships.
The study reviewed data from nearly 200 research papers dating back to 1903, which included millions of male-female partnerships. It also analyzed 133 traits in nearly 80,000 heterosexual couples registered in the UK Biobank project.
Across both analyses, couples were largely identical across a range of traits. This included political and religious views, education levels, and some measures of IQ. Even habits like smoking and drinking were found to be similar between partners.
However, not all traits showed similarity between couples. Height, weight, medical problems, and personality traits varied between partners. Extroverts were no more likely to partner with other extroverts than introverts, illustrating the randomness of some aspects of couple compatibility.
Interestingly, even relatively unexplored traits like the number of sexual partners or whether individuals were breastfed as children showed some association between couples. While it may seem like voluntary choices, Horowitz suggests that there may be underlying mechanisms that influence our relationships that we are not fully aware of.
The implications of this study extend beyond understanding why we choose certain partners. The researchers suggest that if taller people pair up with taller people and shorter people pair up with shorter people, future generations may have more individuals at the extremes of the population’s height distribution. The same is true for social habits and other traits.
Some studies suggest that people are increasingly pairing up based on educational backgrounds, raising concerns that the socioeconomic gap is widening. This highlights the potential societal implications of our mate preferences.
Despite the widespread belief that opposites attract, this comprehensive study offers a fascinating counter-narrative. The data suggests that similarities, not differences, play a significant role in shaping our romantic relationships.
Even traits that we might realize are purely down to personal choices, such as several sexual partners or drug use habits, showed higher correlations between couples. This leads us to wonder how much our “choices” are influenced by invisible factors or subconscious preferences.
The societal implications of these findings could be profound. If people continue to pair off based on height, social norms, and educational background, it could lead to more pronounced divisions within society. These divisions could manifest themselves in a variety of ways, from physical characteristics like height to broader societal issues like increasing socioeconomic inequality.
In light of these findings, it may be necessary to reevaluate the notion of “opposites attract.” As Tanya Horowitz notes, even in situations where we feel we have a choice in our relationships, there may be mechanisms at work behind the scenes that influence our decisions.
This research invites us to reflect on our relationship choices and their broader implications. It serves as a reminder that our personal choices can have far-reaching effects on societal patterns and structures. The findings also underscore the need for more research across disciplines—from sociology to psychology—to understand exactly why we end up with the partners we do.
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