The time has come, and the decision to divorce has been made.

You may be in a very different state of mind than the narcissist, and that state of mind will be filled with mixed emotions.

While I don’t want to add to those feelings, I want to make it very clear that there will be things you will be desperate to say to the narcissist during your divorce.

I have put together the things that will not help you at all, in the hope that I can support you during this time.

I just hope to find you in time!

Till Death Do Us Do Part…?

It’s a promise that many people make with the best of intentions.

The day you stand before the person you love, and promise to always be there for them, in sickness and in health.

If you’re marrying a narcissist, one of you will mean it. (I’ll give you proof; it’s not the narcissist!).

With every fiber of your being, you want to make this relationship work, and create an everlasting union between you.

Related : What Narcissists Really Mean When They Say ‘I Love You’

The stars are aligned. Everything seems perfect (except for the nagging feeling you’re trying to ignore). You get married.

Until you get divorced.

The Truth About Divorce

I like to think of divorce as layers. In some divorces, you just need to peel back a few layers.

Yes, it hurts, and adjusting to this new way of life for you can take some time.

You have to painfully admit that your marriage didn’t work, and that you’re now entering the healing process.

The papers are signed, the boxes are packed, and life goes on.

It’s not easy, even when both parties are good people.

But with a narcissist?

Everything gets a lot harder. Those layers are thicker.

Related : 8 Secret Thoughts Narcissists Have About Themselves

The accusations fly. The difficult people get harder. The toxic mood gets unbearable.

You—as always—are suffering more than most.

There are certain things that add to those levels of suffering, and I can’t tell you what not to say.

But in this case?

I think these six things need to be highlighted.

1 Your Post-Divorce Plans

Don’t tell the narcissist what you plan to do once you’ve completed those paperwork. While you may have a hundred things on your post-divorce bucket list that you want to accomplish, the narcissist will try to prevent them from happening.

You’ll hear the usual, predictable refrains:

You’ll never be able to do that.

Adventure? You? Bah!

Not if I can help myself!

You’re too scared to do any of that.

You may even have a threat of funding, such as:

There’s no way you can afford that.

You can’t with the money you’re getting.

Well, it sounds like I’m going to ask for more money than that, then.

Anything you plan—they’ll try to sabotage it.

For this reason, you need to stay true to yourself and the future you’re trying to create.

If you value the image you have in your mind of what you want your life to look like, don’t hand the narcissist the paintbrush.

Related : Why Do Narcissists Have Ears When They Never Listen?

This is your life, and now, for the first time, you get to make the decisions.

2 You’re glad this is happening

That’s why you need to stay true to yourself and the future you’re trying to create.

If you value the image you have in your mind of what you want your life to look like, don’t hand the narcissist the paintbrush.

This is your life, and now, for the first time, you get to make the decisions.

2 You’re glad this is happening

I mean—I’m not here to judge you if you’re thrilled about the idea of ​​divorcing the narcissist. If I wanted to, I could light fireworks and blow up balloons for you.

But I want you to know when and where to draw the line. The reason for this is simple:

A narcissist has never liked seeing you happy. To them, your happiness is motivating.

They can’t stand seeing you succeed, feel joyful, or experience positive things in life. If you want to divorce them, that happiness has to have a tight lid on it.

You can be happy—and it’s not against the law. The very obvious way you’re happy is going to drive them crazy, and they’ll want to punish you for it.

It’s not worth bragging about. Triggering their low self-esteem is more annoying than it’s worth.

3 “I still love you”

What a way to make them think they still have control over you…

Saying “I love you” will make the divorce a complete mess. The narcissist will gladly use this admission to take advantage of you, give up more than they deserve, or worse…

Related : 10 Reasons Why Narcissists Accuse You Of Cheating (And Don’t Believe You)

…they have to convince you to call off the divorce altogether!

All that work to break up and get the ball rolling, only to be dragged back into the pits of marital hell.

My advice is, even if you feel like you still love them – keep it to yourself.

4 “It’s all your fault”

Blaming the narcissist for everything may be what you feel compelled to do, and it may also be the truth! Unfortunately, all this accusation will do is make them angry.

You know how a narcissist gets when they’re mad – you’ve been married to them this whole time!

Ask yourself if it’s worth it, or if you should just figure it out privately and deal with it on your own.

Blaming them at this point – even if they’re wrong – won’t do you much good.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t believe them!

5 “I want this over with quickly”

Well. Saying this to a narcissist is like giving them direct permission to slow things down on their part.

If you want it to end quickly, you can bet they’ll do everything they can to keep you legally clinging to them for as long as possible to drive you crazy.

The whole idea of ​​divorce is to get that clean start you want, and make a new life for yourself. You can’t do that if they’re deliberately stalling.

Related : Why Narcissists Give Your Replacement Everything They Denied You

My advice is to just go with the flow, and let things happen as they come. Don’t show any emotions, just take it one day at a time.

6 “I’ll take you for everything you have”

Nothing is better than a subtle threat to make a narcissist laugh.

Once he feels cornered by something you’ve said like that, he’ll want to protect what he has.

Don’t ignore the idea that he might enlist the help of a friend or family member to save money so he doesn’t have to give you half of it.

Never ignore anything in front of a narcissist. He’s out to win and leave you in the lurch, especially during a divorce.