There’s a big difference between knowing someone and truly understanding them.
That difference is especially important when it comes to marriage. Saying “I do” isn’t just about loving someone; it’s about knowing that you’re compatible in ways that will last.
Asking the right questions helps you get to the bottom of things. Having been through the ups and downs of dating myself, I can tell you that there are certain questions you need to be honest about before you tie the knot.
Here are some things to think about before you marry a man. It’s not about playing games; it’s about gaining insight that can save you from heartbreak later on.
1) Does he respect you?
Respect is the foundation of any strong relationship, especially in the sacred bond of marriage.
It’s more than just exchanging pleasantries—it’s about cherishing each other’s perspectives, time, and aspirations. It’s about recognizing that you’re two distinct individuals with unique thoughts and emotions.
We often confuse politeness with respect. But they’re not mutual. Politeness may be superficial, while respect comes from a genuine well of understanding and care.
Let’s be clear: Seeking respect isn’t manipulation—it’s a basic need.
And honestly, addressing this question can be the first step toward laying the foundation for a marriage based on mutual admiration and appreciation.
2) Can we argue constructively?
Every relationship has its share of disagreements—but how we handle them is what matters.
In my previous relationship, it felt like we were stuck in a recurring cycle of disagreements, getting nowhere fast. It left us feeling drained and stagnant.
But with my husband, it’s a completely different story. Sure, we still have our disagreements, but it’s different. We actively listen, validate each other’s feelings, and collaborate on solutions.
So before you take that step, think about: Can you and your partner argue constructively? Are your conflicts leading to resolution or lingering resentment?
It may not seem like a big deal now, but trust me, it’s a game-changer in the long run.
3) Does he support your passion?
In marriage, it’s not just about sharing a life—it’s about nurturing each other’s paths.
Couples who champion each other’s aspirations often have more fulfilling and resilient relationships.
Before you say “I do,” make sure that your partner not only loves you but also embraces your passions and ambitions. It’s not just about compatibility; it’s about fostering mutual support and personal growth.
4) Is there mutual trust?
Trust is the true foundation of a strong relationship. It’s the foundation on which everything else is built.
With trust, you feel a deep sense of security. You know that you can count on each other when times get tough and that your partner has your back.
Conversely, without trust, a marriage can easily succumb to doubt and suspicion. So, before you take that step, make sure that trust is firmly in place—it’s non-negotiable.
5) Are our life goals aligned?
When planning a life together, you should consider integrating your individual goals to some extent. You don’t have to have identical dreams, but it helps to be on the same page.
Think of marriage as a partnership, where you work together toward a common goal.
If your life goals are too far apart, it can lead to conflict down the road. So before you say “I do,” make sure you’re both headed in the same direction.
6) Is he kind?
Kindness may seem like a simple trait, but it’s incredibly important in a relationship. It’s more than just being kind; it’s about empathy, understanding, and a willingness to put the needs of others before your own.
Before you make that move, think about: Is this guy kind? Not just when things are going well, but even when he’s stressed or feeling overwhelmed?
How does he treat others, from his loved ones to the waiter at the restaurant—does he show them respect and warmth?
In the grand scheme of things, kindness is the glue that holds a relationship together through life’s highs and lows.
Choose a partner who embodies kindness, and you’ll find yourself with someone who stands by you with unwavering love and respect, no matter what.
7) Does he make me feel loved?
Love isn’t just a vague feeling—it’s about actions, words, and reliability. It’s about feeling valued, appreciated, and secure.
I remember dating someone who would make these big, flashy displays of affection, and yet I never felt truly loved. It felt like I was just an accessory, not a real partner.
But with my husband, it’s different. He may not make big gestures, but his constant care, respect, and concern make me feel loved every day.
In the end, it’s not the big gestures that matter, it’s the daily acts of love that make the difference.
8) Are we friends?
Marrying someone who is not just a romantic partner but also a close friend is crucial to a happy marriage.
When you think about it, friendship paves the way for a strong and lasting relationship.
Seeing your spouse as a friend automatically means that you cherish their company, trust, and support, which fosters a deep connection and mutual understanding between you.
In addition, friendship brings an extra layer of compatibility beyond mere physical attraction, laying a solid foundation for facing life’s challenges together.
Ultimately, marrying someone who embodies romantic love and true friendship creates a bond that is resilient, fulfilling, and built to last.
9) Am I at my best with them?
Ultimately, the person you decide to marry should lift you in every way. They should ignite your inspiration, motivate you to grow, and make you feel like you’re thriving.
So, take a moment to think: Am I at my best with them? Do they make me feel safe, valued, and respected? Can I imagine myself growing and thriving alongside them?
If your answer is a resounding yes, then you’ve found more than just a life partner. You’ve found someone who supports you, who inspires you, and who truly celebrates you for who you are.
It’s About Creating the Right Relationship
Finding the right person to marry is about understanding both yourself and your partner.
Every question you ask about your partner reflects you—your feelings, your desires, and your aspirations. It’s like looking into a mirror that helps you understand what you’re looking for in a lifelong companion.
Ultimately, love is about creating the right relationship, not just finding the right person.
As you ponder these questions, remember that marriage is a journey of self-awareness and growth. It’s about building a bond that deepens over time, rooted in respect, compassion, and love.
At the heart of it all is a simple truth: you’re at your best when you’re together.
