Childhood may be tinged with pain and trauma that refuses to go away or even unravel with adulthood.

It may also involve change, grief, neglect, or conflict.

Your childhood is in the past. Talking about it openly with a narcissist will leave them with a hold you’re unaware of.

While it should be an opportunity for you to express your past honestly, it’s also an opportunity for the narcissist to hijack your experiences and funnel them into your relationship.

Your past isn’t necessarily your present.

The Problem Of The Past

I wouldn’t discount your childhood just because it’s just past events.

Whether it was good or bad, we’ll remember it with memories.

Related : 20 Affirmations For Narcissistic Abuse Survivors

The problem with the past is that many of us carry it into our present, through habit or trauma.

We don’t see how to separate ourselves from it, so we show the world what we endured.

When narcissists notice your childhood, they’ll pay special attention if it wasn’t perfect.

Trauma: The Burden No One Wants to Carry

It’s a topic in its own right, but trauma is a heavy burden to hold onto. It leaves us vulnerable—and you can easily become the person it happened to, or the one who witnessed it.

If you wear this badge publicly, the wrong people will exploit it.

How Narcissists Use Your Information

Anything you reveal will be used against you.

Hate being ignored? Great! A narcissist will know how to ignore you to get a reaction from you, which will turn into support for them.

Maybe you don’t like getting close quickly? Great! A narcissist will lure you into feeling safe, only to reveal their true colors later.

This reinforces your early aversion to intimacy and leaves you feeling like you should have been more aware.

Creating Fake Empathy

Fake empathy for a narcissist won’t make you feel better until you share snippets of information about your childhood.

How could this happen to someone so wonderful?

You must have been hurt a lot.

I want to protect you from all of this.

You can trust me.

It’s tempting to trust, isn’t it? They say all the right things.

But none of it is true.

So, what should you keep to yourself?

What are the things you should never reveal?

1 Neglect

By revealing your neglect, you reveal a lot of aspects of yourself that you may not be prepared for.

Narcissists love to reveal the neglect of their partner or friend in the past. In that moment, a lot about you is revealed.

Related : 14 Smart Tactics To Beat A Narcissist At Their Own Game

While emotionally adjusted people empathize with you and want to hear your story, narcissists only seek to hurt you further.

Of course, they may feign interest. They’ll ask you a thousand questions, feigning concern, when in reality, all they want is to extract information from you like ice cream on a hot day.

Neglect stems from unpleasant experiences where you had high hopes for someone, only to be let down in the end.

This means you’re more likely to seek validation from others, and you’re a people-pleaser, grateful for any crumb or shred of attention or affection.

You didn’t set those low standards, but that’s what makes you that way now.

Perfect for a Narcissist.

2 Abuse

There are many different forms of abuse, and childhood may be the starting point for many of them.

If this is your sad case, it will be difficult for you to share this information.

You will want to do this if you meet someone you trust, or want to start a life with.

Please be careful.

Get to know anyone as deeply as possible without revealing this information. Gain your trust, and watch for red flags in a narcissist before you do.

Telling a narcissist that you’ve been abused lets them know that you’ve been controlled and/or manipulated.

Once they have this information about you, they officially have the upper hand. What you consider normal treatment toward you will continue.

Those who have been abused, or have experienced abuse, will consider any mistreatment normal, even if they know it’s untrue.

This is why cycles repeat, and generations carry this behavior or treatment with them.

3 Narcissism

If you tell a narcissist that you had an experience with a narcissistic parent, they’ll change their approach a bit.

They usually don’t show their true colors, but this will be seen as a great deal of empathy.

I’m here to talk, if you need to.

That sounds awful.

I’m so sorry that happened to you.

If you ever want to talk, I’m here.

Or worse…

Me too.

Related : DO THIS To Get Under The Skin Of a Narcissist

Narcissists will make sure to simulate any issues you have so you can empathize with them, and vice versa (on paper, of course).

4 Overly Critical

Those who have lived with overly critical people have low standards of self-esteem.

If you’re constantly told you’re not good enough, or don’t behave well, you’ll be the type who:

Pursuant to others’ needs

Always apologizes, even if they’re not wrong

Puts others before their own needs

Tries to fix everything, even if they don’t need to

Being criticized isn’t easy. As a child, you tried your best to fit in. You wanted to be loved, and you learned what love means.

Sadly, for those who were criticized as children, the lesson is that love is like walking on eggshells.

Your standards are low, and this makes perfect sense for narcissists who hold them to those standards.

Remember – just because it’s familiar doesn’t mean it’s right.

5 Control

If you tell someone you were controlled as a child, you’re telling them that all you learned about dynamics was to do what you were told.

A child follows the rules, never questioning them. A child grows into an adult, and nothing changes.

This habit has been instilled in you over the years, leaving scars you’ll want to hide.

6 What triggers do you have?

Your triggers will be a fun game for the narcissist. They’ll love seeing your reaction to them, no matter how innocent they seem.

Oops, I forgot this kind of thing bothers you.

Oh, didn’t I call to tell you I’d be late? What’s the problem?

Same old toxicity…