Childhood can be covered in pain and trauma that refuses to leave or even crack in adulthood.

It can also contain changes, sadness, neglect, or conflict.

Your childhood is in the past. Talking about it openly with a narcissist will give them an advantage you don’t even realize.

While it should be an opportunity for you to express your past in a healthy way, it is also an opportunity for the narcissist to steal your experiences and direct them into your relationship.

Your past doesn’t have to be your present.

The Problem With The Past

I won’t belittle your childhood just because it’s past events.

Whether it was good or bad, we will look back on our childhood with some memories.

The problem with the past is that many of us carry it into our present lives, through habit or trauma.

Related : 20 Affirmations For Narcissistic Abuse Survivors

We don’t see how we can separate ourselves from it, so we project what we did onto the world.

When narcissists pick up on your childhood, they will pay special attention to it if it was less than ideal.

Trauma: The Baggage No One Wants to Carry

It’s a separate topic, but trauma is a heavy burden to hold onto. It leaves us exposed – and you can easily become the person it happened to, or the person who witnessed it.

Related : 14 Smart Tactics To Beat A Narcissist At Their Own Game

If you wear this badge out in public for everyone to see, the wrong people will take advantage of it.

How Narcissists Use Your Information

Anything you reveal will be used against you.

Do you hate being ignored? Great! The narcissist will know that they are ignoring you to get a reaction from you, and turn that into a source of support for them.

Maybe you don’t like getting intimate too quickly? Great! The narcissist will lure you into feeling safe, only to show their true colors later.

This reinforces your dislike of intimacy too early, and makes you feel like you should have known better.

Creating Fake Empathy

The narcissist’s fake empathy will only feel good when you’re giving them snippets of information about your childhood.

How could this happen to someone so wonderful?

You must have been hurt so much.

I want to protect you from all of this.

You can trust me.

It’s tempting to trust, isn’t it? They say all the right things.

Related : What Narcissists Will Never Admit About Their Past

But none of it is true.

So what should you keep to yourself?

What are the things you should never reveal?

1 Neglect

When you reveal your neglect, you reveal a lot of things about yourself that you may not be prepared for the consequences of.

Narcissists love to find out about past neglect by their partner or friend. In that moment, a lot about you is revealed.

While emotionally regulated people will empathize with you and want to hear your story, narcissists only hurt you more.

Sure, they can act like they care. They may ask you a thousand questions under the guise of caring, when all they really want is information from you like it’s ice cream on a hot day.

Neglect stems from unpleasant experiences where you had high hopes for someone who ended up letting you down.

Related : 11 Things Narcissists Do To Keep You Financially Dependent

This means you are more likely to seek validation from others, are a people pleaser, and are grateful for any crumbs or veneer of attention or affection.

You didn’t set these low standards, but they are what makes you currently you.

Perfect for narcissists.

2 Abuse

There are many different forms of abuse, and childhood is probably where a lot of it starts.

If this is your sad case, sharing this information will be difficult.

You will want to do this if you meet someone you trust, or want to start a life with.

I ask that you be careful.

Get to know someone as deeply as possible without revealing this information. Gain your trust, and watch out for narcissist red flags before you do.

Telling a narcissist that you were abused lets them know that you are someone who has been controlled and/or manipulated in the past.

Once they have this information about you, they officially have the upper hand. And what you see as normal treatment towards you will continue.

Those who have been abused or have been abused will see any bad treatment as the norm, even if they know it’s not right.

This is why cycles repeat, and generations carry the behavior or treatment along.

3 Narcissism

If you tell a narcissist that you had a narcissistic parent, they will change their game a bit.

They usually don’t show their true selves anyway, but this will be seen as a lot of empathy for you.

Related : Things Narcissists Will Never Tell You About Their Fears

I’m here to talk, if you need to.

That sounds awful.

I’m so sorry this happened to you.

If you want to talk, I’m here.

Or worse…

Me too.

Narcissists will be eager to reverse whatever issue you have, so you can communicate with them, and vice versa (on paper, of course).

4 Overly Critical

Those who have been around overly critical people have a low level of self-esteem from others.

If you’re constantly told you’re not good enough, or that you never do anything right, you’ll be the type who:

Eager to please and please others

Always apologizes, even when you haven’t done anything wrong

Puts others before your needs

Related : What Really Makes A Narcissist Panic Inside

Tries to make everything right, even when you don’t need to

Being criticized isn’t easy. As a child, you do your best to fit in. You want to be loved, and you learn what love is.

Unfortunately, for those who were criticized as children, the lesson is that love is like walking on eggshells.

Your standards are low, and that makes perfect sense to narcissists, who hold themselves to those standards.

Remember—just because it’s familiar, doesn’t make it right.

5 Control

If you tell someone you were controlling as a child, you’re telling them that all you learned about dynamics was to do what you were told.

A child follows the rules. A child doesn’t question anything. A child grows into an adult, and nothing changes.

Related : What Narcissists Really Want From Their Victims

This has been ingrained in you over many years, leaving scars that you’ll want to hide.

6 Any Triggers You Have

Your triggers will act as a fun game for the narcissist. They’ll love seeing you interact with them, no matter how innocent their actions may be.

Oh, I forgot that this kind of thing bothers you.

Oh, didn’t I call to tell you I was going to be late? What’s the big deal?

Same old toxicity…