Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally exhausting and confusing. Narcissists are experts in manipulation, using a range of tactics to control, confuse, and maintain power over others. If you’re in a relationship or regularly interact with a narcissist—whether it’s a romantic partner, family member, or colleague—there are specific behaviors and tactics you should never fall for. Here’s what to watch out for when dealing with a narcissist.
1. Love Bombing
One of the most common tactics narcissists use, especially early in a relationship, is love bombing. This involves overwhelming you with affection, attention, and praise. Narcissists know how to make you feel like the most special person in the world during this phase. They might constantly compliment you, give you gifts, and go out of their way to be thoughtful.
The danger here is that love bombing is not genuine—it’s a manipulation tactic used to hook you emotionally. Once the narcissist feels they’ve secured your attachment, the loving behavior can quickly fade, and you may find yourself confused as their once-adoring attention is replaced by indifference, criticism, or even cruelty. Never fall for the illusion that this love bombing phase will last.
2. The False Apology
Narcissists are known for refusing to take responsibility for their actions. However, they may sometimes offer apologies—but these apologies are rarely sincere. They may say, “I’m sorry,” but pay attention to the context and the words that follow. Phrases like, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or “I’m sorry if I upset you,” are examples of non-apologies designed to shift blame onto you.
In these cases, the narcissist isn’t truly sorry for their actions; they are trying to pacify you or avoid further conflict without actually changing their behavior. Never fall for these false apologies or expect them to lead to genuine change.
3. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is one of the most harmful forms of emotional manipulation. It involves making you question your reality, memory, or sanity. Narcissists use gaslighting to maintain control and deflect responsibility. They might deny things they’ve said or done, accuse you of being too sensitive, or suggest that you’re overreacting to valid concerns.
Over time, gaslighting can lead to self-doubt and confusion, making you question your perceptions and judgment. Never fall for the lie that your feelings are invalid or that you’re imagining things. Trust your instincts, and recognize gaslighting for what it is—a deliberate attempt to manipulate your sense of reality.
4. The Victim Act
Narcissists often play the victim to avoid accountability and elicit sympathy. When confronted with their behavior, they may twist the situation to make it seem like they are the one who has been wronged. They might talk about their difficult childhood, past relationships, or current struggles to explain away their actions and gain your empathy.
While it’s natural to feel compassion for someone’s hardships, narcissists use this tactic to manipulate you into excusing their toxic behavior. Never fall for the victim act if it’s being used to sidestep accountability or to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
5. Future Faking
Narcissists are masters of future faking, a tactic where they make grand promises about the future to keep you invested in the relationship. They might talk about marriage, children, moving in together, or taking an amazing vacation—all to create the illusion that they are committed and that there’s a bright future ahead.
However, these promises are often hollow. Narcissists rarely follow through with their plans, and when you bring up their lack of action, they may deflect or make excuses. The goal of future faking is to keep you hopeful and attached, even when the relationship is otherwise unhealthy or damaging. Never fall for these empty promises without seeing consistent follow-through.
6. Triangulation
Triangulation occurs when the narcissist brings a third person into your dynamic to stir jealousy, create competition, or manipulate your emotions. They might talk about how someone else admires them or how an ex-partner treated them better, all to make you feel insecure or work harder for their approval.
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This tactic is designed to keep you on edge and seeking their validation, while also controlling your behavior. Never fall for the trap of competing for a narcissist’s affection or validation. Understand that triangulation is a tactic to destabilize your emotions and maintain control.
7. Hoovering
When a narcissist feels like they are losing control or that you are pulling away, they may engage in hoovering—a tactic named after the vacuum cleaner brand, because the narcissist tries to “suck you back” into the relationship. They might suddenly shower you with affection, send heartfelt messages, or make promises to change.
Hoovering often occurs after a period of abuse, neglect, or emotional distance. The narcissist senses that you might leave, so they attempt to re-establish their control. These gestures are usually short-lived, and the narcissist quickly returns to their previous behavior once they feel secure in the relationship again. Never fall for the hoovering tactic—remember the patterns, and recognize the manipulation behind the sudden change in behavior.
8. Blame Shifting
Narcissists rarely take responsibility for their actions. Instead, they are experts at blame shifting—making you feel responsible for their bad behavior or the problems in the relationship. If you confront them about their actions, they may turn it around on you, saying things like, “If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have reacted this way,” or “You always make me act like this.”
This tactic not only avoids accountability but also makes you doubt yourself and your role in the relationship. Never fall for the blame game. A healthy relationship involves mutual responsibility, not deflecting faults onto one person.
9. Flattery and Charm
Narcissists can be incredibly charming when they want to be. They might use flattery, charisma, and charm to win you over, especially when they sense you’re starting to see through their manipulative behavior. They know how to say exactly what you want to hear, making you feel special and adored.
However, this charm is often a mask for their underlying manipulative tendencies. Once they have regained control or your trust, the flattery usually disappears, and their more abusive traits resurface. Never fall for the charm offensive without seeing consistent, respectful behavior over time.
10. The Silent Treatment
Another form of emotional manipulation narcissists use is the silent treatment. This involves withdrawing communication and affection to punish you or make you feel anxious. The narcissist may ignore your calls, refuse to speak to you, or give you cold, one-word responses. This tactic is designed to make you feel uncertain and desperate for their attention, ultimately giving them control over your emotions.
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Never fall for the silent treatment by chasing after the narcissist for validation. Understand that this is a power play, and it’s important to set boundaries and not allow the narcissist to manipulate you through withdrawal.
How to Protect Yourself
When dealing with a narcissist, the key is to maintain your emotional boundaries and recognize manipulation for what it is. Narcissists often use these tactics to maintain control, gain power, and keep you attached. Here are a few tips to protect yourself:
- Set firm boundaries: Know your limits and communicate them clearly.
- Don’t engage in their games: Recognize when they are trying to manipulate you, and refuse to play along.
- Trust your instincts: If something feels off, trust your gut. Don’t let the narcissist’s behavior make you doubt yourself.
- Seek support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist who understands narcissistic behavior and can help you process your experiences.
Conclusion
Narcissists are skilled manipulators, and it’s easy to fall for their tactics if you don’t recognize the warning signs. Whether it’s love bombing, false apologies, gaslighting, or future faking, these behaviors are designed to control and confuse. Never fall for these manipulative tactics—understanding the patterns of narcissistic behavior can help you protect yourself and maintain your emotional well-being.
