Do you know someone who is constantly in need of approval, attention, and praise?
So maybe you are dealing with someone in need.
While we all have needs, especially socially, needy people struggle to control these needs and become bossy over the people around them.
According to marriage therapist Julie Noland, neediness is a set of behaviors centered around the belief: “I’m unable to see my worth, and I want you to make me feel better about myself and my world.”
In this article, we will review 6 behaviors of people in need, and then we will discuss how you can deal with them.
1) They have to be around people all the time.
You may be dealing with someone who is very needy if you find that they cannot be alone for a long period.
They feel a desire to be around people to feel happy and entertained. Aside from being an extrovert (someone who draws energy from others), he can also be a needy person.
According to Marcia Reynolds Psy.D., in Psychology Today, one of the main reasons people tend toward neediness is because social needs fuel our drive to “connect with others and achieve success.”
After all, Reynolds suggests, “your needs emerge from your ego identity, formed based on what you have discovered will help you survive and thrive.”
Needy people probably unconsciously believe that being around other people all the time is crucial to their survival.
To some extent, they are right, but perhaps they are overly enthusiastic about it.
It’s not a bad thing if they surround themselves with people who also want to be around a lot of other people all the time, but it can be a problem if they’re hanging out with the wrong people who just want to be left alone.
So try to cut them some slack. We all have social needs, and they may have more needs in this area than you.
2) They need the approval of others for what they do.
Needy people generally ask a lot of others, so if they are always being offered ideas by friends or family members before they do anything, they may be needy.
It’s not the end of the world, it’s just a matter of trust.
According to Beverly D. Flaxington in Psychology Today needy people often struggle to establish relationships with others, so when they meet someone they can connect with, they tend to hold on tight:
Needy individuals “will strive, at the expense of their self-worth, to be accepted by others in some way,” says Tamara Hill, MS, LPC at Psych Central.
This can cause people in need to act in ways they normally wouldn’t.
What needy people don’t tend to understand is that it’s not possible to be loved by everyone, which is a goal that is likely to leave them unfulfilled.
3) They ask the opinions of others before making decisions.
A person’s need may shine when faced with the necessity of making a decision.
If they are looking to everyone but themselves to tell them what to do, they are probably trying to make sure they won’t let anyone down.
It may also be because they do not trust themselves and need others to tell them how to act or guide their choices.
Hence, if they turn out to be wrong in your endeavors, they can blame others for influencing that decision.
Not only do they play the victim in the story, but they also claim ignorance of what happened.
Once again, at the heart of attachment theory is the assumption that every human being has a basic drive to connect and feel part of a social group.
When someone has difficulty making a decision, it may directly point to the fact that they are afraid of making the wrong decision on behalf of the group, which could lead to rejection.
As mentioned earlier, this may be because they were rejected as children.
4) They need others to say they are right.
Needy people have a unique ability to prove that they are right. If they are not mistaken, they may be people in need.
Even when they know they’re completely wrong, do they still work to prove some element of their argument?
This is because they will lose confidence in themselves if others know that they are wrong. It’s a pride thing.
5) They should be front and center.
Neediness strikes us all from time to time, and there’s nothing wrong with needing to rest your head on someone’s shoulder for care and compassion.
But if this is their 24/7 deal and they seem to have run out of tears, they may need to look at what you’re doing to push people out of their lives.
According to Beverly D. Flaxington In Psychology Today, some needy people become so overbearing that you can’t give them all the time they crave:
If they need to be the center of attention all the time, it’s time to think about why that is and do some work to improve their outlook and interactions with others.
It is not a curse and is reversible so that not only can they turn to people during their times of need, but they can also be there for people who may need their help as well.
If they are the ones always looking to be rescued, it’s time for an attitude adjustment.
Start offering help to others and then take it one day at a time and recognize when they allow themselves to be the victim.
6) They are very jealous
If you’ve ever dated a needy person, you’ve probably noticed that they get incredibly jealous when you talk to someone of the opposite sex.
Part of this has to do with insecurity as well. Maybe they fear that they are not good enough for their partner, or that they do not fully trust their partner.
The problem is that when someone is jealous, they tend to act somewhat irrationally, which can be a difficult burden to handle if you’re dating a needy, jealous person.
It is important to keep in mind that emotionally stable people can also engage in the behaviors mentioned above. The above signs should only indicate someone in need if they are consistent over a long period.
Also, sometimes it is important to realize that the person you are with is not needy in terms of their personality, but that may be the dynamic of your relationship. For example, if you are a manager, they will likely need your approval to get a promotion.
#How to deal with a person in need
Whether you’ve just survived your first encounter with a needy person or you’ve been trying to push away a specific person for years now, you need a strategy to make this type of relationship work.
You may have noticed that the needy person in your life is mostly a “receiver” and doesn’t have much room in their life to help you unplug, deal with your issues, or even just offer a kind word right now. And then.
If you decide to support this person, or even allow them to be in your life for a little bit, you will need to set some rules, give yourself plenty of space away from them, and remember to put your needs before theirs.
If you’re dealing with someone in need, here’s how to deal with them and make sure you’re taken care of first.
1) Be clear about what is acceptable.
When you’re dealing with someone in need, you need to be very clear about how much time and energy you can spend on them and their needs.
Even if you’ve just met someone and realize they’re going to be a huge pain in the ass for you, but you still want to be friends with them anyway, you need to make sure you don’t let them cross lines. Or put you in any compromising positions.
According to Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT, you need to fight their power and assert your territory and needs when dealing with a narcissist. I’m not saying that needy people are narcissists, but I think this advice is useful for dealing with needy people as well.
