Key Points

Signs of narcissism in relationships include aggression, a lack of empathy or commitment, and putting down your partner.
People are often drawn to narcissists because of their outward confidence and charisma or their bold acts of affection.
The best way to deal with a narcissistic partner is often to end the relationship. Prepare by anticipating negative reactions and seeking social support.

Finding a significant other takes a lot of effort—it might be through trial and error, it might be a chance encounter at a coffee shop, or, in today’s age of technology, it might be swiping right at just the right time.

No matter how you go about finding that special someone, it’s not uncommon to hear things like, “I’m trying to find my other half,” or “I want someone who sees me as an equal.” Wanting a mutually beneficial romantic relationship is by no means a big ask, but that’s not necessarily what we always end up with.

Any type of relationship can have its ups and downs, but at the end of the day, whether romantic, platonic, or otherwise, a relationship is about cooperation and communication between different individuals.

Related : Easy Ways to Tell Whether You’re an Inadvertent Narcissist

Early psychologists like Sigmund Freud believed that humans have a specific type of energy that we give to love.

So what happens when someone turns that energy toward love back to themselves?

So far in our series on dealing with narcissism, we’ve covered the realities of being around narcissists, and taken a closer look at narcissism in the workplace. Now, let’s get a little more personal—what happens when your partner is a narcissist?

SpottingANarcissisticPartner

As we mentioned in part one of our series on dealing with narcissism, narcissism can take many different forms. Does a person exhibit only narcissistic traits, or do they suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)? Are they what you might call grandiose narcissists, driven by a superior perception of themselves, or are they more prone to narcissism, fueled by a strong sense of insecurity?

No matter what you call them, narcissism in romantic relationships tends to manifest in several important ways. For some of you, hearing the phrase “narcissistic partner” may immediately bring a specific person to mind!

Realizing that you are in a relationship with a narcissist is not always easy, but it can be very important to identify narcissistic partners as soon as possible. Here are some things to watch out for:

Commitment issues. One of the most common issues that arise in relationships with narcissists is a lack of commitment. This is a key trait of many narcissistic partners because someone who is primarily concerned with what best serves them is likely to remain focused on what they see as “better alternatives” to their current partner.

Aggression and dominance. Because they often try to maintain their inflated self-perception, individuals high in narcissism have been found to act more aggressively toward romantic partners in an attempt to assert dominance or punish perceived slights.

Lack of empathy. When we’re feeling down, we may want a partner who is attuned to our emotions and needs. However, narcissistic partners are unlikely to go out of their way to focus on the things they’re struggling with and may instead simply try to bring the conversation back to themselves.

Exploiting the partner. Relationships with narcissists rarely feel like a partnership. Narcissistic partners often exploit their significant other, whether it’s using their status, money, or even just their time, to benefit themselves and their inflated self-perception.

Humiliating the partners to elevate themselves. Similar to what we mentioned above, you may find that your narcissistic partner constantly belittles you to maintain their superior image and boost their self-esteem.

If your partner repeatedly targets your looks or intelligence while simultaneously promoting their looks or intelligence, this could be a sign that you’re in a relationship with a narcissist.

Why are people attracted to narcissists?

When we think about all the challenges that come with dating a narcissist, we might ask ourselves, “How could I possibly end up with someone like that?” The truth is, it’s very easy to fall in love with a narcissist and not realize it until later.

This is because many of the traits that make narcissists difficult to deal with are often the traits that people are initially drawn to.

Related : Tangled: Rapunzel’s 5-Story Tower of Narcissistic Abuse

For example, if you know right away that someone lacks empathy and will work tirelessly to gain praise or admiration from others — even at your expense — you probably won’t be interested in starting a romantic relationship. On the other hand, if that person instead comes across as confident, attractive, and successful, you might take a different look.

Research-wise, studies have also found that we are drawn to narcissists because their grandiose self-image later leads them to make grandiose attempts to flirt with others. In other words, someone may make big, bold romantic gestures or promises to win your affection, even if they are doing so for you to complete their efforts.

Narcissistic individuals also tend to start relationships with an equally exaggerated view of their partners, meaning they see their partners as idealized individuals on a high pedestal, reinforcing their self-perception as a significant other to this flawless person.

However, this means that when a person begins to realize that their partner—like all people—has flaws, they begin to resent them or push them away.

Sometimes we can’t help but get emotionally involved with narcissists, but once we realize that our partner is a narcissist, what do we do?

What to do if your partner is a narcissist

If your partner is a narcissist, it leaves you in a difficult position. When we love someone, even if they are someone who negatively impacts our lives, it’s not uncommon for our first instinct to be to try to change their behavior.

Unfortunately, narcissistic individuals are often very resistant to change by nature, because they don’t want to believe that there is anything wrong with them. While a narcissist can engage in positive change, it can be a brutal—and sometimes futile—effort for many romantic partners.

Ultimately, if your relationship with a narcissist is having a significant negative impact on you, whether mentally, emotionally, or physically, the most likely next step is to end the relationship. However, this is easier said than done, and there are several things to consider before taking this step:

Prepare for the response. A breakup can be a blow to anyone’s self-esteem, but for a narcissist who is completely focused on their self-image, being left by their partner can be a devastating and personal blow. Be prepared for your partner to respond, which can take the form of anything from pleading, manipulation, or potential aggression.

Know your boundaries. A narcissistic partner will likely try to push your boundaries throughout the relationship, especially toward the end of the relationship. Stay consistent with these boundaries and lean on them as much as possible during the process.

Seek outside support. In any breakup, having social support on your side is a huge help, but especially when preparing to break up with a narcissist, you need to have outside individuals on your side. Whether they are family members, friends, or a mental health professional, it can be incredibly helpful to have people you trust by your side.

Romantic relationships have the potential to be mutually rewarding and balanced partnerships, but sometimes we find ourselves falling for someone who causes more harm than good.

Learning about a narcissistic partner and how they impact you is an important way to avoid a potentially negative situation and find the right partner for you.