It’s as if narcissists were instructed from birth.
Make sure you do this one thing your whole life. No conditions, no exceptions, no possibilities.
Great! No problem, they say.
This is how they grow up, learn to read and write. They grow up, get jobs, and meet people.
Yes, they do what they’re told.
This is their main goal in life.
You know what it is? I’ll give you proof. It’s the real reason they make you so miserable.
Everything Bound To One Thing
Think about all the ways a narcissist treats you. From the mildly nice to the often horrid and repetitive.
Have you ever tried to put the pieces of this puzzle together and figure out exactly why they’re like this? What does it all mean? Why does they seem so determined to make you miserable?
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Well, there is a reason.
And that reason is like a tree that branches out into everything else.
Narcissists hate themselves.
But Why?
Well, in short, what do you like?!
Narcissists know they’re unlovable. That’s why they spend so much time and effort trying to convince everyone that they are.
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Hiding flaws is normal, and narcissists learn to do this effectively so that others don’t find out.
They’re so insecure that they don’t understand that it’s okay to not be perfect—I mean, who is perfect?
Think of it like an act. You find someone with such low self-esteem that they can’t even think of seeing any good in themselves.
Instead of working on it (because working on it would be like a confession), they project it.
On you.
On everyone else.
Their attention-seeking behavior makes them feel better and makes them forget how much they hate themselves.
Self-loathing is real, guys.
You were never the problem.
But they make it so—which makes you miserable.
What Self-Hate Does to You
- “I Feel Worthless”
Imagine being hated by someone you love. What does that have to do to someone over time, especially when that hatred is communicated in various and diverse ways?
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From the way the narcissist despises you to the way they conjure that contempt for every little thing they do—it all adds up.
And it adds up fast.
The reason the narcissist hates you is because they can’t openly hate themselves. That doesn’t mean they don’t. It’s still there. That self-loathing, and all the insecurities that mitigate it.
Who bears the brunt of all this? Who is bombarded with all this negative energy daily?
You.
Eventually, yes, it will start to wear you down and make you feel completely worthless.
- “I Don’t Know Myself”
The narcissist’s self-loathing will leave you unable to grasp who you are.
Now, a lot has to happen to get to this point, and as in point 1, you bear the brunt.
When you lose all faith in love, trust, honesty, and happiness, joy will leave your body. Joy, the desire to pursue hobbies, or stay in touch with friends—everything will disappear.
And what will you be left with?
You will have nothing left. You won’t know yourself, what you think, or what you are like. Your identity will be erased from you, and the root of the problem lies in how much the narcissist hates you.
As you can see, their self-loathing is just the tip of the iceberg.
- “What more can I do?”
It’s normal for all victims of narcissistic abuse to feel like they’re not doing enough for their toxic partner.
You want to make sure they’re happy, right? Because they come home, and maybe 25% of the time they’re in a “good” mood. The rest is either silence, anger, or pure negativity and grumbling.
So you feel it’s your duty to make everything perfect. You pick out their favorite dinner, a movie, or maybe even a nice, relaxing bath. You praise them and try to keep them upbeat.
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You live to prevent the lion inside them from roaring.
And so you ask yourself, “What more can I do?”
The reason narcissists are the way they are isn’t because of anything you’ve done wrong.
It’s because they can’t stand themselves.
- “Why is nothing ever enough for you?”
It’s a question all victims of narcissistic abuse ask.
And you’re right to ask it, but not from the perspective of not being good enough, but rather—literally, why can’t you ever feel satisfied?
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Narcissists don’t want to feel satisfied. That means no one needs to do any work or provide them with more support.
It means peace, calm, and contentment.
These qualities don’t exist in the narcissist’s world.
So, in their eyes, nothing you do is enough to keep this toxic cyclone going.
Their self-loathing means everyone else is miserable, right?
- “Where is everyone?”
Everyone left.
Or at least everyone distanced themselves or was forced to distance themselves.
What happens when those you love or care about flee en masse?
You become miserable!
Narcissists tend to push away their victims’ “people” to maintain control. Having this control and expression means they can say things like, “You can count on me. I don’t need anyone else.”
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The loss of the enriching socialization is enough to make anyone miserable.
- “Where is my passion?”
Narcissists hate you for your passion.
Goals.
Hobbies.
Interests.
Skills.
Purpose.
It’ll all be erased, and you’ll be miserable.
Introverting yourself into the person you once were will undoubtedly make them happy. But how could anyone wish that on someone else?
Easy…
…they hate themselves that much.
- “If I could only make you see…”
No, no!
You can’t make a narcissist see anything.
They’ve already ingrained their self-loathing, so you’ll be wasting your time trying!
Narcissists can’t be changed. They refuse to be who you want them to be because it means being too weak.
They hate themselves so much that they see no potential value in who they are.
- “What does the future hold for me?”
Is it more of this?
More hatred projected upon you?
More sadness?
More pain?
More misery?
Yes. To all of it. You can ask yourself all of these questions and hope the answers are different—but the hatred narcissists feel for themselves will eat away at you and become your problem very quickly.
