In January of this year, I suffered a bike ride injury that left me bedridden for two months. By the time I recovered, I was ready to go out into the world, socialize… and maybe even meet a new romantic partner. “Not so fast, Buster; we have a pandemic going on. You’re in quarantine now.” Huh? What?

Sure, there are plenty of online events I can attend, but they’re not the same. How am I going to make eye contact and flirt on a Zoom call? I haven’t tried online dating in over a decade—because it always felt so awkward—but now with the lockdown, it’s starting to feel appealing again.

Quarantine, physical distancing, and mask-wearing during the current COVID-19 pandemic have all but blunted socializing. The virus has limited our ability to meet new people organically, especially for those of us looking to date. Going out to bars, events, clubs, meetups, parties, and other social opportunities has all but ground to a halt. Loneliness is driving would-be daters back online.

Waiting to meet them is a horde of hungry narcissists. And according to Jean M. Twenge and W. Keith Campbell, in their book, The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement , narcissism is on the rise.

Before the pandemic, as CNBC.com reported, the top 15 dating apps were shrinking worldwide. Now, dating apps are experiencing a resurgence. Dating.com reported that in March, online dating worldwide was up 82%. And lurking in the online dating world are narcissists looking to feed on a new source of victims. Here’s how to protect yourself…

5 Warning Signs to Watch Out for While Dating Online

I had the opportunity to interview Dr. Abby Leff, a clinical psychologist and founder of CBT Online based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She shared with me five warning signs to watch out for while dating online.

Red Flag 1: Narcissists have an inflated ego and a grandiose sense of importance.

Red Flag 2: Narcissists lack empathy and will deceive you (lie to you) to keep you confused.

Red Flag 3: Narcissists hate being ignored.

Red Flag 4: Narcissists act like they need an emotional response from you.

Red Flag 5: Narcissists spend their energy trying to control and pressure you.

Dr. Leff told me that until you start communicating with a narcissist, it can be difficult to recognize them. Once you start texting and talking on the phone, the traits and characteristics of narcissism will start to emerge.

Overt Narcissists vs. Covert Narcissists

Dr. Leff explained that there are two types of narcissists: overt narcissists and covert narcissists. Overt narcissists are easier to spot. They are the arrogant people who love to talk about themselves.

Covert narcissists are shy, listen attentively, and ask you lots of questions. When they do talk about themselves, the details will be more general than specific. She said that more women tend to be covert narcissists and that covert narcissists are more dangerous than overt narcissists.

When I asked her to explain the danger, she said, “A covert narcissist is harder to spot than an overt narcissist. Because their behaviors are more subtle, it’s harder for someone to know they’re dealing with a narcissist. Their behaviors are more introverted than the more extroverted overt narcissist, making them harder to spot.

“Both covert and overt narcissists crave admiration and a sense of self-importance, but they act differently. Instead of being obvious, a covert narcissist may downplay their accomplishments in a quest for approval and reassurance from others.

“Some studies suggest that covert narcissists may have less empathy than overt narcissists. Some studies suggest that they may have more anger and hostility, but the studies are inconclusive.”

You’ll be overwhelmed by all forms of communication

One of the early signs that you’re dating a narcissist, of any type, is love bombing, says Dr. Leff. They’ll text, call, or message you on social media a lot. You’ll receive excessive compliments and flattery.

Another sign is that they’ll say things like, “I’ve never felt this way before.” You might hear something like, “We must be soulmates.” “We were meant to be together; it’s destiny.” “You really understand me like no one else has.”

Once you start dating, they’ll say things like, “I’ve never done this before,” or “This is the most fun I’ve ever had (whatever you’re doing right now).” They’ll use mirroring and say they like whatever you like: music, movies, sports, food, etc. The narcissist will be a chameleon.

You’ll feel rushed into commitment

“Both types will want to move the relationship along quickly,” adds Dr. Leff. They’ll be very persistent. Another sign is that they will want to do something with you that will make you dependent on them, like buying a house or a car together.

Here’s an easy way to test for narcissism

Dr. Leff offers this way to tell if someone is a narcissist: “Ask them about their exes.” They will badmouth their ex or spouse but won’t share details. They will be vague and say something general like, “She cheated on me.” If you ask for details, they won’t give you any.

The same thing will happen if you ask them about their friends; you’ll get a two-dimensional description because they’re really talking about themselves. Dr. Leff says that 90% of what narcissists say is projection. If they accuse you of something, they’re probably doing it.

Covert narcissists are masters of words. They’re manipulative and will tell the opposite sex what they want to hear most. Both types use excessive flattery—especially when it comes to something you’re insecure about. They want you to become addicted to them.

Narcissists have cold empathy, which means they are good at reading people, Dr. Leff told me. “They know what people are feeling, but they don’t care.”

She says that an overt narcissist will make you feel very special, while a covert narcissist will make everything revolve around you. What they do is gather information about you to trap you. They use the information they gather against you by twisting it. For example, if you show affection for someone, the narcissist may say you are too emotional. If you are interested and kind to someone, they will accuse you of flirting with that person.

Narcissists Have Three Partners at Once

The most amazing thing I learned from Dr. Leff is this: “Both types of narcissists will have three romantic partners at once: their ex, their current partner, and their future partner.” While they are dating you—and you think they are exclusive—narcissists keep their options open with exes while they gauge and reach out to potential new lovers. Once they are dating someone, they think they own that person. They need a partner at all times; having a ready source of narcissistic supply is crucial to them.

How to Spot a Narcissist by Their Online Dating Profile

I’ve gathered some information about spotting narcissists online from a few life coaches who work with narcissistic victims:

Do they seem a bit sophisticated and stunning?

Life coach Angie Atkinson, in her YouTube video “How to Spot a Narcissist on Dating Sites: Red Flags and Freebies,” offers a way you can spot a narcissist on dating sites: “Look at their photos, their photos will be very clear because not only will they be beautiful and stunning, but they’ll also show this amazing, fun, athletic, healthy, wealthy person who loves people, who’s not afraid; someone who’s very funny, even a little bit humble, even though they’re very sophisticated and stunning. They’ll prove it by having at least one photo where they’re making a funny face, or sticking their tongue out, or rolling their eyes, but of course, that photo will also be incredibly beautiful and polite.”

Look for arrogance and pretentiousness

Life coach Julie Melillo suggests in her YouTube video, “Spot the Narcissist Online! The Little Red Flags of Narcissism on Dating Apps,” that “look for a range of narcissistic signs. You have to look for a range of things, not just one thing.” For example, she says, “Narcissists love to devalue everything. They will break everything down into winner/loser, black/white, and then devalue the loser.” You’ll also notice that they’ll constantly tell you that one thing is better than another. They’ll use the word “good” as in, I only drink good wine, or go to good restaurants, or listen to good music. For a narcissist, it’s all about, “I’m up here; you’re down there.” “I’m a winner; you’re a loser.”

Narcissist Playgrounds and Candy Stores

Life coach Lisa Romano warns in her YouTube video, “Signs You’re Dealing with a Narcissist Online Dating (Narcissism Warning Signs),” that “Narcissists are hard to spot in person. They’re even harder to spot online.” She adds, “Dating apps are candy stores for narcissists.” And “Online dating apps are playgrounds for narcissists because the options are so many.”

I’m fascinated by this topic because, due to my codependent personality, I’ve been a magnet for narcissists for most of my love life. As I consider re-entering the dating market, I know I need to be careful. If you’re starting to date again during this pandemic, I hope this post helps you navigate the shark-infested waters of online dating.