Narcissists are only happy when they can exercise power and control over you.
The more miserable you are – the more they will flourish!
Sitting in the driver’s seat is where a narcissist feels most comfortable, but where does that leave you?
When you change certain things in your approach to a narcissistic relationship – platonic or romantic – they can’t stand it.
Here, I want to take you through the top 5 things that drive a narcissist crazy – and I bet you’ll be able to relate to a few of them!
Why not make them feel special?
Narcissists naturally assume they are better than everyone else. They want to walk into the room and turn all the attention on themselves, and if they don’t or can’t, they get angry.
Now this part is what gets interesting because the narcissist will not get angry and tell all the people around them to stop what they are doing to focus on them or eat up every word they say – but they will resent the fact that they are presenting like everyone else.
Narcissists want to be at the top of the league without realizing that there is no league at all.
When a narcissist doesn’t feel special, it will trigger a very uncomfortable feeling within them, and this usually begins and ends with shame.
Not getting praise, admiration, and praise activates the insecure part of their brain. If that isn’t enough of a red flag, narcissistic rage will soon follow.
How dare people ignore me!
Why don’t people talk to me?
Don’t they know who I am?
After everything I do for these people, they don’t care about me.
The narcissist will not handle these situations because he assumes he is contained and remains in that area of specialization.
Narcissists don’t view “special” as something thoughtful, it’s not as if they give what they receive. No one is treated “specially” by a narcissist – but they want that treatment to fall at their feet.
If the narcissist is in the early stages of a relationship, he will be eager to impress his victim. If they don’t get that special table at the restaurant, or if they see someone they know ignoring them – it will be damaging to their precious pride.
rejection
The narcissist’s fragile ego will be irreparably damaged when you reject him. There are some things to think about here.
The first is that a narcissist’s rejection is not something they will ever forget. If you had made plans with them but had to cancel for another reason, they will hold that against you. Although apologizing and letting them down may be an innocent thing to do, they won’t see it that way. They will see this as a direct refusal to spend time with them.
I try hard to tell people that narcissistic grudges are very damaging to the person who receives them. It can last for days, weeks, months – or even years. If the narcissist is truly extinguished, he will burn that memory into his brain for all future events and occasions.
The reason is simple – the narcissist cannot handle rejection. They look at it as complete self-rejection rather than, “Oh, I’m sorry I can’t do that for you,” or, “You know, this doesn’t work for me.”
See also: The “False Self” Of A Narcissist: Look Beyond The Facade!
Life changes, things end, and people come and go – but the narcissist’s ego always wants people to stay. Their innate fear of abandonment comes into play a lot of the time here.
They are not fans of boundaries
Why would they be? Your limits mean they can’t get in, no matter how hard they try. The stronger your boundaries are, the worse you feel.
The narcissist’s control and power come from the subconscious permission the other person gives him. It’s not something people actively take for granted – but it comes from the narcissist’s ability to manipulate. If your boundaries are asserted well enough and remain consistent, the narcissist will lose his mind.
Good boundaries have consequences, so if a narcissist crosses the line of established boundaries, they may be told directly how unhappy that person is with them.
Putting them in their place in this way will bring them deep shame.
How dare they talk to me like this?
Of course, the issue for them will never be: “Oh, I did something I wasn’t supposed to do,” after all, the narcissist has the right to do it!
The inability of narcissists to stand on boundaries does not mean that they should not have any, by the way, on the contrary. Their presence will keep you safe and in control of your own life.
Losing control over you
Helps! I’m losing the ability to keep you under my spell, my rules, my way!
Narcissists don’t want to admit when they’ve lost control of someone, they’ll just resort to anger and resentment.
See also: Toxic Friend Alert: 10 Warning Signs Of An Emotionally Draining Friendship
The anger comes from the fact that you understand their behavior, and are making conscious efforts to improve how to avoid their tactics. Suddenly, the dynamics are forced to shift, and the narcissists don’t know what to do with themselves.
The resentment stems more from you declaring that you are independent and happy to do so. They feel like they’ve been treated unfairly because you’re doing the right thing.
Remember – the right thing for you is never the right thing for the narcissist.
to leave off
The saddest trait of narcissists is their hidden fear of abandonment. They rely heavily on a steady river of praise and love. Their ego is so fragile that it needs constant attention, and when that attention is threatened, or disappears, they panic.
The paranoia that underlies constant worry about being left alone doesn’t go away. Instead, it is only enhanced when they begin to see movement patterns within the person they are trying to control.
Sensing this drift sends their world into chaos as they desperately try to hold on to the person they feel/fear losing.
