We are constantly told…

Never get on the wrong side of a narcissist.

Why?

Because it means you’ve done something they can’t stand – and that means punishment is warranted.

How do we know what will set a narcissist on fire, send them into a rage and send you flying?

Believe it or not, you can be aware of what a narcissist can’t stand, and there are certain things you might do to get them to get their rage under control.

So… why not start here? You can learn something new today about what you might be doing to get a narcissist to act out.

ToneOverReaction!

Narcissists are very good at picking up on the way you talk.

Your tone is key to regulating their emotions, so if they think it’s “wrong” or “inappropriate,” they won’t hesitate to tell you. Now – how do they tell you that? I’ll get back to the point, but first… let’s back up.

Related : 10 Ways to Become Resistant to Narcissists

Tone of Voice?!

Yes, we’re really dealing with glorified school administrators here.

I didn’t appreciate your tone of voice.

How dare you talk to me that way!

Would you like to rephrase that?

And better:

Who do you think you’re talking to?

The familiar feeling of being criticized for your tone of voice is kind of ironic, isn’t it?

Since the narcissist can treat you any way they want, they’ll criticize you for the slightest reason. You’re not allowed to be moody, or to be easily irritable, or to not see the funny side of something at some point.

Why?

Because your response to the narcissist must be exactly what they want to see or hear, or their efforts at manipulation will be futile.

Convincing You to Use Water

Narcissists will often lure you into giving them the response they’re waiting for. They want appreciation, they want praise, they want flattery—they want it all. If you can’t give it to them, or they feel your tone isn’t right—that’s okay. They’ll tell you how upset they are about it.

They can convince you to give your best words, but they can’t force you to respond with emotional accuracy.

In this case, things can start to look a little iffy for you.

Narcissistic Hypersensitivity

Narcissistic? Yes.

Angry? Yes.

Bitter? Yes.

Angry? Yes.

Quiet? Yes.

Sullen? Yes.

At their core, narcissists are the most insecure people on the planet. I mean this because I know how hard it is to believe them when they appear so charming and confident.

Related : 6 Signs You Are Dealing With a Covert Narcissist

You have to remember—it’s just an act. They don’t mean it. They hide their true selves because they are so ashamed of who they are.

They don’t want you to know that, they just want to shame you instead – which is what they do when they don’t hear what they want to hear from you.

This brings me to the hypersensitivity of narcissists. If you don’t give them what they want or need, they will reveal all the narcissistic traits they possess – and shoot you down.

NotJustWords

Looking beyond the words you say to the tone in which you say them is where you often find narcissists lurking.

They see you coming. They know you’re going to talk, and they’re already hoping and waiting for you to give them exactly what they need.

Words and beyond – tone is how a narcissist will attack you – or rather try to.

How a Narcissist Tells You’re “Not in His Good Books”

Oh my. Knowing how a narcissist tells you that you’ve done something he doesn’t like will help you counter the challenge of his emotions and anger.

The narcissist will attack. The moment your uncaring, disinterested tone slips away, he will focus on you like bees on honey.

You can almost feel the change in the air as they collapse around you, unable to get the response they were hoping for, and that’s where the conflict begins.

The question to ask yourself is, why should you be put in a situation where you deliberately feed the narcissist a neutral tone? Would it be right if you responded with a more energetic tone and gesture?

Here’s the thing to remember with narcissists:

Nothing you say or do will ever be right. If it was, it wouldn’t be tomorrow.

Related : 3 Ways to Deal with Covert Narcissists

Narcissists are always moving the goalposts to keep you guessing, to keep you on your toes. They do this to keep your world from being safe and predictable, all ingredients to foster anxiety and uncertainty, and it’s up to you to figure that out.

Techniques to Free You

First, when a narcissist tells you they’re unhappy with you simply because of the way you’ve spoken or responded to them:

There’s no need to take it personally. It’s not your problem to just take it and run with it. I know that may seem like a big ask, but the problem isn’t you.

They want you to comfort them, and if you don’t give them what they’re asking for, it’s not your responsibility.

Don’t interfere.

A narcissist wants to tell you how miserable they are, and they’ll try to drag you into a fight with them.

Just don’t.

Don’t interfere. Don’t give them what they want. They are looking to feel better about themselves by taking their anger out on you. Let them know that walking away won’t work.

Keep your expectations realistic.

Related : Can You be Immune to Narcissists?

The sooner you understand that the narcissist has unrealistic expectations, the sooner you can apply your own realism to your expectations. Don’t change to suit them, because the narcissist will always find ways to make you unhappy. Don’t assume that answering in the right tone will give them what they need, because you will never be able to predict the “tone” they are looking for.

Why even care?

It’s not worth it.

Ready to Fight

A narcissist is always ready to fight, so you have to ask yourself – do you really want to argue?

Your tone may be inappropriate, and the narcissist will be the first to pounce on you when they notice.

Not too boring.

Not too sarcastic.

Not too disinterested.

A narcissist is sensitive to anything they don’t like, so if you want peace, even for a moment, that’s something you really need to consider.