I’ve heard before that a narcissist can’t be an empath because they have no empathy for people. But I think this is wrong.
I think narcissists are very likely to be empaths.
Hear me out – just because a person can feel what another person feels does not mean they empathize with that person’s feelings.
The Oxford Dictionary of Language defines empathy as “the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.” As an empath, I may feel what someone else is feeling, but that doesn’t mean I understand or share those feelings.
For example, my best friend might be sad because her boyfriend left her after he cheated on her, but because I knew he was a cheater and treated her poorly. Maybe I feel like she should be happy, or I’m upset about wanting someone who treats her badly. However, I can’t understand why she would be so upset about it.
In my practice, I have met empaths who have come to me asking how they can get rid of what they feel is a curse. They resent feeling what others feel and have no desire to help others.
Not all empaths are the same and should not be lumped into one category of being angel-like creatures who will sacrifice themselves for others.
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#Three ways in which empaths and narcissists are often similar
Understanding the similarities between an empath and a narcissist can help us understand how different they are from people who are cut from the same cloth.
1. Both may suffer from childhood neglect.
Narcissists are wounded people who may not have received enough love and attention as children or may have suffered abuse or neglect.
Empaths also often suffer from childhood neglect, whether emotional and/or physical. They are also vulnerable to growing up with or being heavily influenced by a narcissist, drug abuser, or emotionally unavailable person.
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2. Both the empath and the narcissist crave love, validation, and respect.
The empath is willing to give and take to get it while the narcissist figures out how to get it.
3. Both empaths and narcissists share a lack of boundaries.
Empathy will have few limits when it comes to helping others. Some people who want to help them may reject that help and choose to remain on a destructive path. Empaths may continue to follow someone down this path despite their help being rejected.
The narcissist also lacks boundaries and will pursue the person whom he feels will give him the unconditional love he craves. It doesn’t matter if the person is married or has expressed a lack of interest. They will continue to try to break down this person’s barriers and win them over, just for their sense of gain.
Of course, most empaths are not narcissists. There are several different types of empaths, and knowing these types can help you determine who you might identify with, or even who you might be.
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#Here are some of the different types of empathy you may experience
1. Empathize with “Highly Engaged” Service.
They like to help others, even if it is at the expense of themselves. They may often find that after helping someone, that person’s life will improve, but their own life becomes worse. I think this is because the compassionate spirit feels so sorry for the person they are helping that they take on that person’s karma.
Now what was supposed to happen to this person will happen to the empath instead. They offer to help strangers, animals, and anyone they see in need. They are also unable to make their list of priorities because they feel that everyone else is more important than them.
Related: What It’s Really Like To Love A Narcissist
2. Sympathy for “regular service.”
This is a person who loves to heal and help others, but not at the expense of himself. They will help to the best of their ability but with limits. Most of their attention is on their friends and family.
3. “Selective” empathy.
This is someone who focuses on one person or type. Some people care about animals, love them, and devote their lives to them, but they do not feel the need to help people. They feel the animal’s pain and suffering and want to save it. However, they interpret human emotions as toxic, and draining, and prefer to focus on innocent animals.
Others use their empathy to focus on the feelings and healing of a parent, grandparent, or child to the exclusion of others, depending on that person’s needs. They are compelled to help this person because they believe this person is in desperate need of their help.
Thus, they almost exclusively help them, even if it means giving them everything they have even if they receive little in return.
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4. Empathy “resentment”.
This is empathy that recognizes what others feel and resent. They do not want to feel what others feel and consider empathy a curse. They may become withdrawn, distancing themselves from others to avoid having to feel their energy. They may also turn to drugs or alcohol to numb those feelings.
