Narcissists like to think they’re unpredictable. They want you to wonder what’s going to happen next each day, so you shift uncomfortably in your seat, waiting for their next move.
What a narcissist says and does is pretty predictable once you understand them, in fact, you can almost guarantee what they’ll say to upset you.
Note to self: You can move on!
You see, narcissists are actually pretty simple creatures. They’re full of the same old games, and when you recognize their limited but favorite sayings, you can make your life a lot easier by finding humor in their predictability.
That’s where I come in — because I have 6 key things narcissists always say, and I want to share them with you right now.
1 I don’t have time!
Narcissists will always tell you that they don’t have time, even if they do. They say this because you’re getting into a conversation or situation they don’t want to be involved in.
Related : Can You be Immune to Narcissists?
It can be almost funny to watch the sudden shift in dynamics when a narcissist refuses to participate. If you ask too many questions, if you want to do something or know something they don’t want to give up – they’ll tell you.
You see, a narcissist wants to look busy, because they want to look important. How does this affect you? Well, they want you to think you don’t have a big life, just because you’re engaging in what they consider an unnecessary conversation with them.
2 I’m sorry you feel this way
Pay close attention to how the narcissist claims to apologize.
I’m sorry you feel this way doesn’t equate to, I’m sorry.
The narcissist isn’t taking responsibility here; it’s a way to manipulate you. He’s not putting his hands up and admitting that he may have played a role in upsetting or letting you down. He’s simply sorry for how you feel.
This isn’t a statement you should let him off the hook for, and I know you want to be forgiving to keep the peace—but if the narcissist is saying this as a private form of apology, just know that it’s not sincere.
3 I don’t want to make this about me, but…
Well… you know what? Then don’t do it.
Oh wait, that’s right, you don’t know how not to do it.
We get it. You want to make everything about you, and when you’re not, you’re known to stomp your feet on the ground and seek attention in various ways.
Narcissists don’t like it when the focus isn’t on them. They want to appear happy to others, but they don’t have the ability to genuinely smile. They don’t, they won’t, they can’t.
So now we ask ourselves why this happens.
I can tell you.
Narcissists are insecure. Not a little, but a lot. They don’t like who they are, and they’ve learned that the only way to feel good about themselves is to make others feel as small as they secretly feel.
They see someone succeeding, and they think:
Okay. This can’t continue. What can I do to make this all about me?
Distraction with Salad Tongs
A long time ago, I went to dinner with a group of people, and I was sharing something wonderful that had happened to me recently. A few people started asking questions, which led to a nice conversation about it. One of the people at that table picked up the salad tongs, and proceeded to handle them incorrectly. They flew across the table and immediately caught everyone’s attention. The person in question laughed, couldn’t stop laughing, and suddenly everyone was laughing too.
Related : 3 Ways to Deal with Covert Narcissists
Normally, I would have laughed too, and I smiled, but I knew this person was a narcissist, and I knew they didn’t like people paying attention to me for those few minutes. It was a complete turnaround, in a matter of seconds.
Narcissists can make it about them either by how they act or by what they say.
4 Why are you treating me this way?
This doesn’t have to be based on anything personal. You could be at home, and feel like running to the store to get some groceries.
Why are you leaving now? I thought we were going to spend the evening at home? I was waiting for you to cook dinner.
Everything you do is treated as a personal attack on the narcissist, which is why they like to make it seem like what you do is somehow about them.
Of course it’s not, I know that.
They don’t.
Everything revolves around the narcissist, so if they feel dismantled by your actions, they can twist it to make it seem like they’re losing out in some way, or being treated unfairly.
5 I Wish You Realized Who You’re Dealing With
Narcissism = Dominance. They want to draw everyone to them, like a powerful magnet, and if you’re drawn to them, you’re also a little afraid of their very presence. They like to know that people are below them in the social, personal, and professional hierarchy.
You’ll know when it’s not working out that way.
It could be because you’re interrupting them in some way. Questioning their abilities. Challenging their views, which are often misogynistic. Correct them if they say something wrong, like a fact or something they saw on the news.
Related : What is Gaslighting in Narcissism? Narcissistic Gaslighting Explained
Oh my gosh, do you know who you’re dealing with?
Well, the narcissist will ask you, and they’ll want you to step back and figure out where you stand. They don’t understand that your place is the same as theirs – and everyone else’s.
6 That’s not fair!
Boo hoo. Is life treating them fairly today? Are they not getting exactly what they want, exactly when they want it?
Well, guess what. Things happen.
A learned behavior from a very early age is that sometimes we won’t get what we ask for, and if you’re emotionally healthy, you’ll figure out how to deal with that. That might include making changes, finding ways to get out of an unfair situation, or working on being flexible.
Entitlement is the narcissist’s middle name, and they always want life exactly how they want it. If a day doesn’t align with that view they will not be afraid to speak up and say how unfair everything is.
