Do you think you are a source of narcissism?
Fuel (noun) A substance that can be consumed to produce energy.
Synonyms: diesel oil, gasoline, kerosene, coal oil, coal gas, fossil fuels, luminaires, combustibles, lamp oil, gasoline, coal, fire, butane, gasoline, nuclear fuel, propane
Fuel (v.) provides a combustible material that saves energy
Synonyms: provide, supply, provide, refuel, furnish, gas, take, take
Survivors of narcissistic abuse often fall into the crossfire of deconstructing cognitive dissonance in the wake of recovery. Part of the healing process is gaining a deep understanding and psychological education of the nature of narcissistic abuse.
Survivors read about the narcissistic supply (NS), or “ego fuel” that narcissists demand from their relationships to maintain their precariously fragile psychological guts.
Related: 7 Signs Someone Is Trying To Manipulate You
As mentioned in other articles, we know that extreme narcissists exist without a solid core identity due to factors that stem, in many cases, from child abuse and the lack of a consistent, nurturing caregiver. To fill their psychological void, narcissists spend the vast majority of their daily energy digging for emotional reactions from the people in their lives.
Emotional fuel can be positive, as in admiration, adulation, praise, empathy, compassion, concern, kindness, physical affection, and validation. Or it can be negative, as in an emotional response that shows anger, hurt, tears, humiliation, shame, screaming, embarrassment, and jealousy.
Extreme narcissists use both forms of NS to rid their gas tank of ego fuel, even though the negative emotional reaction is a stronger, higher quality form of emotional propane.
Part of the healing process for survivors of this type of psychological abuse is understanding that the abusive narcissist did not feel empathy for the survivor’s pain and suffering.
It is the sadistic extraction of NS as a result of causing emotional pain to the survivor that generates most of the ego fuel for the aggressor.
Related: 4 Hidden Truths of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
An extreme narcissist feels powerful and in control when at the same time he can bolster his love object on a pedestal and then utter offensive words to them. For extreme narcissists, a love affair is not about love. It’s about getting a first-degree NS, or ego fuel, and extracting it, even at the expense of the well-being of the being of love. For extreme narcissists, relationships exist for this reason alone.
The extreme narcissist is looking for highly empathetic individuals to fuel this delicious and exceptional ego fuel. If you are an individual who happens to be an intuitive, sympathetic, compassionate, genuine, and honest person, extreme narcissists often target you for your excellent burnout high.
Whether in work, love, or family relationships, it is the reaction of the caring individual that fills the psychological void of the severe narcissistic parasite, because the aggressor lacks those very qualities and seeks, in essence, to suck wonderful emotional fuel from their host.
Those abusers who tend to the malignant end of the NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) scale intentionally seek to cause harm in a sadistic manner to extract the NS for objects of love/subordinates/family members.
They take pleasure in emotionally abusing the source of the show after a period of seduction/infatuation/love explosion. Those who abuse and who are more garden-variety narcissists may not consciously act to cause willful harm, but if the fuel for an emotional reaction is available, it will be exploited and eagerly exploited if the opportunity presents itself.
What can an intuitive, highly empathetic individual do to protect himself from the temptation and dizzying progression of a pathologically emotional vampire?
First, know your value. Any healthy relationship takes time to build gradually with mutual vulnerability, reciprocity, and trust building.
If you are suddenly criticized for a marriage proposal and feel it is too good to be real, the pace is amazing, the sex is mystical, mundane, and spellbinding, you better slow down and take a deep breath.
Most likely, your romantic partner has begun to explode in love into believing you as a Grade A source of narcissistic supply. All the powerful bonding chemicals endorphin and oxytocin flood your system to form an irresistible bond.
Related: How To Recover From A Toxic Relationship? 6 Helpful Ways
Depreciation and discard will be soon; What goes up, must come down. And it will come below, with abusive language, silent treatments, gaslighting, verbal and emotional abuse and failure, blame-shifting/projection, and smear campaigns. Increased cortisol and adrenaline in the trauma survivor of emotional abuse. The shock bond is formed. All to elicit ego fuel for extreme narcissists.
When survivors don’t communicate with their abusers, they stop providing this coveted mix of basic narcissistic supplies. The survivor generates a shield to protect against further abuse through the instigation and continued non-contact, as well as healing from the trauma of emotional abuse by working with qualified help professionals.
Related: To Every Girl Who Has Ever Lost Herself To A Toxic Man
Recovery work includes further reducing cognitive dissonance through trauma psychotherapy, enhancing self-esteem and strengthening boundaries, developing healthy and strong social support networks and self-care systems, and of course, working through the traumatic grief of a relationship.
When the survivor recovers through all of these stages, they can hold onto their precious life energy which includes the beautiful qualities of empathy, integrity, authenticity, reciprocity, honesty, compromise, accountability, and compassion.
The survivor turns these healthy traits toward himself and can share his psychological and emotional strengths with deserving and safe others who can share such sympathy.
Ultimately, the extreme narcissist stops sinking fangs into the survivor’s neck, because the survivor has built his or her inner strength and knowledge, bolstering self-awareness and empathy with solid, healthy boundaries, strong social support, and renewed self-confidence. When the inevitable hoover occurs, the soul vampire is not able to share in the former lifeline of love interest. In the end, emotional abuse is eliminated.
