As the narcissistic personality has become more prominent in our culture, some misconceptions about narcissists have also emerged.
One belief is that narcissists only target vulnerable or insecure people to refill their “narcissistic stock.”
This common trope often appears in our cultural narrative and presents a false perception that those who are strong, confident, or secure are safe from the manipulative tentacles of the narcissist.
This is a misnomer.
On the surface, narcissism appears to be a disorder of grandiosity and ego. Individuals with overt narcissistic traits present themselves as overconfident, selfish, and grandiose.
Related: The Narcissistically Disordered Family
However, the fact of the matter is that narcissists have a very fragile ego and a wounded sense of self, while they also have a strong sense of entitlement.
Why would someone with such deep fears be attracted to those who are strong and confident?
Here are 5 reasons why narcissists are attracted to strong, confident women because of their narcissism.
1. It makes them feel worthy.
At their core, narcissists fear (and perhaps believe) that they are less than. When a narcissist meets someone strong, confident, and has an exciting, vibrant life, he or she is attracted to them.
Whatever they have, whether it’s a lot of friends, a successful career, or a lot of money, the narcissist wants to be a part of it. They may feel they deserve that life.
The narcissist feels that by wooing this person, winning them over, and beginning a relationship, they are proving to others (and ultimately to themselves) that they are worthy of this kind of life as well.
2. They like a challenge
Narcissists want to feel superior to everyone else and view this as a relational game. If they target an insecure person, they don’t feel that strong sense of superiority over their partner that they thrive on.
By pursuing and ultimately “conquering” a strong, confident woman, the narcissist will feel a final sense of superiority.
Once the narcissist gains the person’s trust, his behavior will change, and he will begin to tear down his partner so that he can continue his feelings of superiority.
3. They are attracted to kindness and empathy
Strong, confident women often have an abundance of empathy, which may also give them a greater tolerance for the manipulative tendencies that narcissists typically display.
Narcissists thrive on this tolerance and patience and intuitively know that they are capable of pushing boundaries in ways both very large and very small.
A narcissist knows how to use kindness and empathy to get into someone’s heart and mind. This makes it easier to gain their trust, and therefore, easier to tear them down as well.
4. They feel safe with you.
Most narcissists have a childhood wound so deep they don’t even realize it. While they like to believe they are powerful forces in the world, their narcissism stems from deep feelings of powerlessness or worthlessness.
Strong, confident women know how to handle life’s ups and downs, and this “grace under fire” mentality makes the world feel safer for everyone — including narcissists.
Narcissists will be attracted to you because they feel safe, but they will also sabotage that security without realizing it when they suddenly turn on you.
5. They want to be like you.
Strong women have everything narcissists want: confidence, intelligence, influence, and inner strength.
The narcissist believes (wrongly) that if they spend time in the company of someone with these positive traits, they may absorb their partner’s power almost through osmosis.
We both know that doesn’t happen. When the narcissist realizes that his partner’s power is not transferring, his attitude will change and he will begin to destroy you.
#What should you do if you are being used as a narcissistic supporter?
It’s not always easy to accept that you may be in a relationship with a narcissist. But if you’re reading this article and find that you agree with these points, it may be time for some serious introspection.
Try asking yourself questions like: “Can I tell my partner when I’m upset without fear of retaliation?”, “How safe do I feel when my partner is angry?”, and “Am I always taking the blame, leaving me confused?” About the reality of the situation or events?
Your answers to these questions, as well as thinking about the five points above, are a starting point that points out some red flags about your relationship and your partner.
If you feel you may be in a relationship with a narcissist, seek support from friends, loved ones, or a professional. It is possible to make a difference.
Related: 5 Tiny Traits Of Narcissistic Parents
