Staying in a narcissistic relationship requires a lot of commitment. After all, the benefits of a relationship are fleeting at best, while the daily grind of being someone’s slave is exhausting. I opened this blog because I feel like the Lord is leading me to tell my story as a way to own it. One of the hardest things about acknowledging my past is that I am generally viewed as a competent, even talented, woman. People ask me, without meaning to hurt me: “How did you fall for such a circumstance?” The truth is that narcissists often target smart, strong women. Where is the challenge otherwise?

But the self-deception necessary to survive runs deep. Narcissists can be charming and seductive. No one would survive at all if there were no benefits. But as time passes and life gradually loses its color, victims must develop specific strategies to survive. So the narcissistic marriage put in place certain lies to support a structure already built on lies. I should have left before I did that. I should have drawn a clue from the fact that the voice in my head had a mantra saying: “I wish I were dead.” And I did. I wished for this for years until I realized that life could be so much better.

Narcissistic Marriage Lie #1:

He/she is just immature. Everyone in the family participates in this lie. “He’ll grow up. ‘He’s just a young man,’ I and his parents and my parents and our friends assert. The benefit of this lie is that it’s true. After all, the narcissist is stuck at the emotional age of a two-year-old. The lie is the belief that time will heal narcissism. Maybe for a few After all, I don’t claim to know all narcissistic people, but I do know that narcissists don’t seem to achieve the normal milestones of maturity that most humans do. If you wait for your narcissistic partner to grow up, you will waste decades on this futile hope.

Narcissistic Lie #2:

I can handle abuse. The error of this lie should be self-evident. We were never meant to deal with abuse. We were created for a life lived with love and fruitfulness. No one can deal with abuse indefinitely. He will catch up with you. Your body will start to go out. Your heart will forget the joy. Your mind will live in a state of fog to prevent you from seeing what is out there. I’ve been sick for years. Immediately after I left, my health was restored. Now, I proudly assert: “I can’t handle the abuse. I love myself too much to subject myself to it.

Narcissistic Lie #3:

Children are resilient. no, they are not. If that were the case, psychologists would be out of business. Childhood trauma emerges later and is devastating. Children do not have the self-awareness or strength to assert their pain and fear in abusive circumstances. Instead, they learn that they are powerless, that making mommy or daddy happy is their job, and that they are not worthy of love. Those are the formulas for miserable adulthood, and yet keeping it that way has made me a party to it. If nothing else, don’t kid yourself that you can somehow protect them from the influences of your narcissistic partner. No one has and you can’t either.

Lie No. 4:

I can love him and invite him out of it. I believe in prayer. Check out my blog. I have had amazing answers to prayer. But God does not make anyone do anything. This is free will. You can pray for decades for someone, but in the end, the decision to change is theirs alone. I have come to believe that praying obsessively to change someone is nothing more than a form of idolatry. God changed me and freed me from narcissistic abuse, but only because I called on Him too.

Related : Five Reasons Why Women Stay with Narcissists

The fact that I was praying that God would make me the kind of wife John needed was an indication of how twisted my thinking was. She worked, kept the house clean, and did all the childcare. What he did all day locked in his small office, only God knows. Narcissistic partners do not feel your love and do not acknowledge your sacrifices. They are merciless gods and are not worthy of your worship.

Lie No. 5:

His/her behavior is somehow my fault. One day I was having my usual prayer time. I spent a lot of time practicing forgiveness and would sit at Jesus’ feet and let Him love me as a way to experience the love I had been missing for fourteen years. And one day I found myself crying and saying to the Lord, “I saw what He did! I saw what He did to me!” The Lord’s presence filled the room and He said, “In no way do I hold you responsible for any of John’s actions.” Until that moment, I had not realized how profound Taking Responsibility for My Narcissistic Husband The only actions either of us is responsible for are our own.

If you realize these lies you are telling yourself to keep going, it may be time to reconsider some things. The truth can be very painful. I was there alone with four little girls, two thousand miles away from my family. But God brought me out of the narcissistic wilderness, and I am so grateful. I wake up, no longer wondering if my husband is going to have a good or bad day. I’ve gotten all the eggshells off the floor, and I can say what I mean without fear of backlash. I live a normal life, and so do my daughters. I even plan for the future, knowing that I have one. You have taught us the parts of the Red Sea if we step out in faith.