The effects of psychological and narcissistic abuse come with many devastating consequences, but there are two that almost no one knows about—unless they’re a doctor or neuroscientist.
In fact, these two outcomes may be the most devastating outcome of emotional trauma in the long term and are all the more reason that – if you have children with a narcissistic partner – you should try to leave as soon as reasonably possible.
By now, most of us know that repeated emotional trauma leads to PTSD and C-PTSD, which should be reason enough to let go of an abusive narcissist. But what many people don’t realize is that over time, these repeated emotional injuries shrink the size of the hippocampus, which is responsible for memory and learning, while the amygdala, which houses primal emotions like fear, sadness, guilt, envy, and shame, swells.
Basics of the hippocampus
The hippocampus, which is Greek for “seahorse,” is a paired structure tucked inside each temporal lobe and shaped, in fact, like a pair of seahorses. Helps to store and free up memory. The hippocampus is particularly vital for short-term memory, as it holds a piece of data in mind for a few moments, after which it is either transferred to permanent memory or promptly forgotten. Learning is based on short-term memory.
Moreover, among the many analyses that have been performed, one in particular shows very disturbing results. In a study by a team of the University of New Orleans and Stanford University researchers, patients with the highest levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) and the highest number of PTSD symptoms had the largest decrease in hippocampal volume over time.
In other words, the longer you stay with an emotionally abusive partner, the more deterioration you can expect of the hippocampus. It can easily be understood how this neural process may promote feelings of confusion, cognitive dissonance, and amnesia in victims of narcissistic abuse and psychopathy.
Amygdala basics
Narcissists keep their victims in a constant state of anxiety and fear, which in turn triggers their victims’ amygdala (or reptile brain) reaction. The amygdala controls life functions such as breathing, heart rate, and the basic emotions of love, hate, fear, and lust (all of which are considered “primal emotions”).
It is also responsible for the fight-or-flight response. Victims of narcissistic abuse live in this state almost daily. Over time, the amygdala remembers the things we felt, saw, and heard each time we had a traumatic experience. Subliminal cues to such stressful events (even images) will cause the member to attack or escape from the routine — leading to avoidance behaviors or inner turmoil (another good reason to refrain from stalking your ex on social media).
Even after the toxic relationship has ended, victims suffer from PTSD, C-PTSD, panic attacks, phobias, and more… due to their initial fears being triggered by an overactive tonsil. Among these fears, targets of narcissistic abuse often engage in rudimentary defense mechanisms including (but not limited to):
Denial – Victims use denial to escape dealing with painful feelings or areas of their lives that they do not want to acknowledge.
Segmentation – Victims categorize the abusive aspects of the relationship to focus on the positive aspects.
Projection – Victims display traits of empathy, empathy, caring, and understanding of their abuser, whereas narcissists and other emotional abusers possess none of these traits.
Narcissistic abuse changes the brain
According to Goleman (2006), everything we learn, everything we read, everything we do, everything we understand, and everything we experience depends on the hippocampus to function properly. “Continuous retention of memories requires a great deal of neural activity.
The brain’s production of new neurons and the establishment of connections with others takes place in the hippocampus” (Goleman, 2006, p. 273). Goleman also stated that “the hippocampus is particularly vulnerable to persistent emotional distress, due to the harmful effects of cortisol” (p. 273). The body endures constant stress. Cortisol affects the rate at which neurons are added or subtracted from the hippocampus. This can have serious consequences for learning. When cortisol attacks neurons, the hippocampus loses neurons and decreases in size. The duration of stress is as devastating as severe stress Goleman explained that “cortisol stimulates the amygdala while impairing the hippocampus, forcing our attention on the emotions we are feeling, while limiting our ability to absorb new information” (pp. 273-274). Goleman adds,
But there is hope. There are compensatory activities you can take to restore and rebuild the hippocampus and stop the amygdala from hijacking your psyche.
what should be done
Fortunately, as brain scans have now shown (thanks to the magic of neuroplasticity), it is possible for the hippocampus to grow back. An effective method involves the use of EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) therapy. One recent study showed that 8 to 12 sessions of EMDR for patients with PTSD showed a 6% increase in hippocampal volume.
EMDR is also useful for counteracting amygdala hyperexcitability, allowing the brain to more appropriately direct what needs to happen rather than getting stuck and unnecessarily triggering problematic emotions.
Other methods that have been shown to repair both the hippocampus and amygdala include:
Guided Meditation – Recent studies from Harvard University show that daily meditation can help repair the brain by rebuilding the gray matter in the brain. Study participants who spent an average of 27 minutes per day doing “mindfulness” exercises showed a significant increase in hippocampal and amygdala density and an associated decrease in stress, compared to the control group.
Aromatherapy and Essential Oils – Article: Aromatherapy and Meditation: Essential Steps in Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse
Doing Good Deeds – A simple daily practice of altruism can dramatically change your worldview.
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) – Helps correct biochemical short-circuiting that occurs with chronic anxiety.
Of course, the first course of action would be to plan and implement an exit strategy. It takes time to recover from narcissistic abuse and one brief encounter can set you back in a big way.
