It’s the age of Instagram, and most of us enjoy social media as a tool for entertainment and connecting with others. But everyone has that one friend who posts too many selfies or reviews too much about their life.

It is easy to consider such a person a narcissist, but this is completely wrong. A person who talks about himself too much, or focuses only on his own problems, may be selfish or an idiot – but this is not the same as a narcissist.

A true narcissist is someone who suffers from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). It’s a mental health disorder, and it involves more than just harmlessly posting selfies or talking about yourself too much.

If you think you, your partner, or a loved one suffers from narcissistic personality disorder, you’ve come to the right place.

Read on to learn what this disorder is, how to recognize people with a narcissistic personality, and how to deal with such a person in the long term

Narcissist Infographic

Definition of narcissist

A true narcissist suffers from narcissistic personality disorder. This condition is recognized by the following characteristics:

An increased sense of self-importance

Increased feelings of entitlement and need for extra attention

• Lack of empathy for the people around them
  Difficulty maintaining relationships
  According to Rebecca Weiler, narcissism is essentially selfishness taken to the extreme, and an inability to consider people’s feelings. But, like all psychological disorders, narcissistic personality disorder does not have very clear boundaries. Narcissistic personality disorder is a spectrum disorder, says Dr. Fran Walfish, a relationship psychotherapist.

What causes narcissism?

The main cause of narcissism is still unknown. However, there are some childhood experiences responsible for the development of this personality disorder.

Some childhood risk factors include:

Lack of attention from parents or family members
shock
Emotional, mental and physical abuse
Excessive pampering or excessive attention from parents
Extremely high expectations of self and family members
Excessive criticism from those close to you or otherwise
Parents place excessive emphasis on talent over a person’s physical appearance
Low self-esteem development
Apart from childhood factors, the development of narcissistic tendencies is also the result of biological, social, psychological, genetic and environmental factors that directly or indirectly affect the person. Let us learn about these factors in detail.

However, research in this area is still in the process of getting to the bottom of the problem.

9-point diagnostic criteria

According to the American Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, there is a 9-point criterion for diagnosing someone as a narcissist:

Great sense of self-importance
Preoccupation with delusions of unlimited success, power, intelligence, beauty, or perfect love
The belief that a person is special and can only be understood or related to by special people or institutions
The need for excessive admiration
Feeling entitled (special treatment)
Exploiting others
Lack of empathy
Envy of others or the belief that one is the object of envy
Arrogant and arrogant behavior or attitude
It should be noted that a person needs to meet only five of the above conditions to be classified as a narcissist.

Narcissistic traits

While the 9-point criteria may seem self-explanatory, the truth is that there is a lot behind those words that the common person does not understand.

Here are the details of what it means to be a narcissist:

1. Narcissists have a great sense of self-importance
   Grandiosity is actually the defining characteristic of a narcissist. People often confuse arrogance or vanity with grandiosity. But the truth is that greatness is much more than either of these qualities. The narcissist truly believes that he or she is unique and special.

In addition, this feeling of grandiosity is closely linked to the third criterion, which states that the narcissist firmly believes that he or she is special and can only be understood or related to by special people or institutions.

Because of this sense of excessive self-importance, narcissists also expect everyone to believe in their own status. They can exaggerate and even lie about their accomplishments to get the desired effect on their audience.

2. They live in a world of fantasy
   Narcissists have this grandiose view of themselves that doesn’t match reality. That’s why they resort to living in a fantasy world. These fantasies often include success, intelligence, attractiveness, and even love.

Narcissists use these delusions to protect themselves from feelings of inadequacy. Therefore, any facts or opinions that contradict all these illusions are automatically rejected by them.

If someone tries to infiltrate their world and threatens to destroy their fantasies, they may become very angry and defensive.

3. The narcissist needs constant praise and admiration
   The narcissist’s feeling of superiority is like a balloon with a hole. It must be constantly pumped with air to keep it inflated.

People with BPD need people around them to constantly feed their ego. Just a compliment here and there’s not enough for them. They surround themselves with people who are willing to feed them applause on a regular basis.

This is why a relationship with a narcissist will always be one-sided. They only care about what their partner can do for them, and how they can feed their ego.

They spare no thought for their partner’s needs and well-being. Over time, they may resort to emotional abuse to get what they want.

4. They have an increased sense of entitlement
   Because narcissists believe they are special people, they also want special treatment. They sincerely believe that people should give them preferential treatment wherever they go. Whatever they want, they should have it, no questions asked.

Not only this, they also believe that the people around them should automatically fulfill all their desires. If you dare to ask for something for yourself, or challenge them in any way, you will be treated with coldness, anger, aggression, or even worse.

5. The narcissist exploits others without any shame or guilt
   Narcissists have no ability to empathize with others. In other words, they cannot recognize other people’s feelings at all. This is why they tend to see those around them as mere objects.

For this reason, they do not feel any shame or guilt when using them. Everyone has a way to serve their needs. It is not surprising that they do not think twice before manipulating or taking advantage of someone.

6. Narcissists often belittle and belittle others
   Narcissists can be easily threatened. When they see someone who has something they don’t have, they become defensive. If someone is smarter, more popular, richer, or more attractive than them, they feel challenged.

As a result, they feel the need to disappoint these people. Their only response to such threats is contempt. Even if you pose no actual threat to the narcissist, he or she will try to put you down as a pre-emptive attack. This is the only way they can maintain their ego.

The contempt felt by narcissists can manifest in many ways. They may reject your accomplishments, or they may resort to attacking you. This could include insulting you, calling you names, or even bullying you.

7 Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist

Reading the above criteria may have forced you to ask yourself – Am I dating a narcissist?

As mentioned above, it can be difficult to identify a narcissist, even if you know the criteria well. Here are 7 signs you should pay attention to to know if you are dating a narcissist:

1. Narcissistic love bombards you at first
   Love bombing refers to a situation in which a narcissist showers you with love in the first few days of your relationship. Maybe they told you they loved you within a month, texted you all the time, or made you feel good by telling you how smart and beautiful you are.

Narcissists think they’re special, says Nedra Glover Twab, founder of Kaleidscope Counseling.

That’s why they think they should only be with special people too. But as soon as you stop doing what they want, they will turn on you. This is something to be careful of.

So, if someone becomes strong early in the relationship, be careful. If you think it’s too early for them to love you, or that they don’t know you enough to love you, they probably won’t.

2. They always only talk about themselves
   According to Dr. Angela Grace, a narcissist often embellishes his stories, accomplishments, and talents to make himself better than others. If your partner is always focused on talking about himself and does not engage in any conversation about you, he may be a narcissist.

3. Narcissists are always looking for compliments
   This in itself is not a sign of narcissism. Most people suffer from low self-esteem and look to their partner for support in the form of praise and compliments.

But if your partner portrays himself as confident and then punishes you if you don’t constantly inflate his ego, he may be a narcissist.

According to Sherine Pekar, LMFT, truly confident people do not need others to lift them up, nor do they feel the need to belittle others to inflate their ego. These are two things you are bound to find in a narcissist.

4. Narcissists lack empathy
   If your partner fails to make you seen, heard, and understood, this is a good sign that he or she may be a narcissist. Since NPD people do not have the ability to empathize, they do not understand the concept of feelings at all.

In other words, they simply don’t care about your problems. They don’t validate your feelings or show any interest when you’re sad or angry. This inability to empathize will lead to the collapse of your relationship one day.

You have to remember that a narcissist never wants a partner. All they want is someone who is obedient, adoring, and does whatever they want them to do. Remember that you are only being appreciated because they are using you to inflate their ego.

5. They belittle you all the time and don’t celebrate your achievements
   It may seem impossible now if you are in the early stage of your relationship. But know this – if a narcissist manipulates and hurts other people in their life, they will do the same to you. If not today then tomorrow.

It might start as a casual joke. But then it will become constant and average. If your partner constantly insults you, belittles you, or harasses you, it is very likely that he or she has borderline personality disorder.

Because a narcissist can never accept that there is someone better than him. The only way to ensure that they never realize that you are better than them is to lower your self-esteem.

Ask yourself – Does your partner celebrate your accomplishments? Or do they drag you down when you achieve something? Do they make excuses for your accomplishments? Do they make it seem like you had an advantage they didn’t, and that’s why you achieved something they couldn’t?

6. The narcissist will gaslight you
   This is the biggest red flag you need to look out for. Narcissists tend to blatantly lie about their partner, accuse them of things, and distort the situation to paint you as the villain.

Here’s what gaslighting looks like in real life:

You feel more anxious than you were before getting into this relationship
You always question your behavior
It’s always your fault when anything goes wrong
You apologize a lot
You can feel something is wrong here, but you can’t put your finger on it
You always wonder if you’re too sensitive

7. The narcissist never apologizes
   No matter what happens, it’s never their fault. If your partner never apologizes for his behavior, it is likely a neurotic disorder.

You will notice that fighting with a narcissist is impossible. This is because they do not see any disagreement as it is. Everything they see is their own point of view. What’s more, they won’t even try to understand your concerns.

If you feel like your partner doesn’t hear you, doesn’t want to understand you, and doesn’t take any responsibility for his or her actions – there’s a good chance he or she is a narcissist.

Ask yourself – Has your partner ever apologized for their mistakes? Do they compromise? Are they giving up control?

Can a narcissist change?

After reading all this, you must be wondering if you can help your SO become better. Is it possible for them to get past this? Is there room for improvement?

The simple answer is yes, narcissists can get better. However, it requires a lot of willpower on his part along with a lot of hard work. He must also have the desire to change and become a better person.

There is a common misconception that narcissists and empaths are two ends of a circle and that there is no way to empathize with another person’s feelings.

According to Wendy Beharie, author of Disarming Narcissists and founder of the Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey, narcissists are capable of empathy and once they start working hard on themselves, there’s no stopping.

They confront their deepest feelings and once this happens, it results in a change in their personalities. Thus, they know what they need to do to heal themselves and start improving themselves, for better or worse.

Apart from self-help, emotional therapy and medical help are equally helpful.

Can a narcissist love?

A person in a relationship with a narcissist often wonders whether or not their partner loves them. Well, if you are, then this is devastating for you, as almost all narcissists are incapable of true love. Yes, they don’t know how to do it.

They do not care about their partner’s happiness. The only person who can love and care for him is himself. It’s a game of chase for them.

When they get what they want, they lose interest in the person and want to end the relationship. In most cases, their “love” lasts from six months to one year. That would be it.

If a narcissist is married, he will generally lack any drive to make his partners happy or feel loved.

However, if people with these traits are able to know that there is something wrong with their personality and are willing to change, they can actually fall in love with someone and care for them as well.

Can narcissism be treated?

To date, there is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder. However, research is still ongoing to learn more about treating these people. The main treatment for narcissistic traits includes emotional therapy.

The problem is that most narcissists refuse to accept that there is anything wrong with them. While they agree to disagree with their problem, almost all of them have been found to have low self-esteem and self-esteem.

Right now, their only option is mental health treatment. To get there, they have to be willing to look at themselves first and know that there is a problem within them that needs to be addressed.

Get out of illusion

Dating a narcissist can be very exhilarating – especially at first. This is because they can be very charming and magnetic. But you need to know that this is just an image, and if you get caught on their web, it can have very negative effects on your mental health.

Here are some things you need to remember in order to break out of the fantasy you may have built up:

See things as they really are

Narcissists are confident, smooth, and gentle. They will make you feel special, seen, and heard at first. You will feel as if you have found your soul mate.

But it’s important to take off those rose-colored glasses and see narcissists for who they really are. Don’t make excuses for their behavior, and don’t deny your feelings. You are not overly sensitive.

Setting healthy boundaries

Narcissists do not recognize boundaries. They don’t see you as a different person. Therefore, they neither see you nor hear you. For this reason, they tend to violate others’ boundaries without any thought. They will do so with a sense of entitlement.

If you have experienced emotional trauma in the past, or you live with a parent who has narcissistic personality disorder, you may think this is normal. You might even learn to tolerate it. But it will eventually prey on your mental health.

Learn what to set boundaries. Stand up for yourself. If you feel uncomfortable about something, learn how to speak up. Have a clear plan on how you will enforce these limits.

And remember, don’t set limits if you think you can’t keep them. The narcissist will try to violate him, but you have to be firm and consistent.

5 ways to deal with a narcissistic person

Some traits of narcissism are present in everyone. However, if they continue to develop even after childhood, these people will be referred to as full-blown narcissists.

The bottom line is that all narcissists feel terrible about themselves at heart. So, even if it seems like they are the ones hurting you, look at it this way they are really hurting and hating themselves.

But there are certain things you should know about dealing with them.

1. How to talk to a narcissist
   There are certain things to keep in mind, if you notice signs of narcissism in someone, whether it is a friend or family.
2. Look at the bigger picture
   Be wise enough to understand their point of view. When they talk to you about their world and their stories, take a step back, breathe and know that they are full of themselves and are not aware of their behavior.
3. Keep boundaries high
   Maintaining boundaries with them is not only important, but necessary. When they try to barge into your life with their problems and stories, you just have to know when to remain unavailable to them.

Try to maintain balance. Make an excuse, if you have to, that you have to be somewhere other than being there for them all the time.

4. Don’t become toxic with them
   There is no doubt that narcissists are toxic; You’ll notice it and agree to it, sooner or later. Just know that they expect you to be toxic with them. Well, don’t do that.

The best way to avoid them is to not play their game. Just don’t get into a toxic conversation with them. Control yourself and avoid them.

5. Be kind but not sympathetic
   This may be difficult for some people, especially empaths, but it is still important not to try to heal them or tell them that they are displaying narcissistic traits. So, please, be kind but don’t sympathize with them.

How to stop a narcissistic person

There are certain ways to keep a narcissist at bay and it is very important that we learn about them all. Some of these methods include:

Limit meetings. Don’t take their bait, stop seeing them, and don’t feel guilty or bad about it.
Communicates. If something doesn’t feel right about this person or you feel hurt by their behavior, reach out as much as you can. Even if it doesn’t make a difference in their behavior, it will make you feel better about yourself.
Be selective about what you share. It is very important not to get into them right away. It can be very glamorous but it can also be dangerous and can leave you devastated. So, the best way to shut them down is to share very limited information with them.
Ignore the narcissist
Perhaps the best thing you can do for a narcissist is to ignore him. When they know they are losing, or have lost power over you, it makes them learn a good lesson. In fact, it may trigger their personality for good reasons.

They may focus on learning more about themselves and whether what they did to you or have done to people is actually wrong.

They may turn to therapy to relieve their pain, and if the psychiatrist is good, he or she will tell them that they are dealing with narcissistic personality disorder.