Aristotle claimed that humans, both men and women, are all social animals, meaning they need to depend on others. It’s also true that if we don’t depend on each other on some level, it’s not healthy.

As nature intended, humans need to connect with other humans – on mental, physical and spiritual levels.

Scientists have conducted many studies on human patterns. However, there are two distinct types of human traits that are very popular – people with narcissistic and codependent characteristics.

Interestingly, many researchers and writers often classify narcissists and codependents as opposites, when in fact they have many similar psychological traits.

A person with narcissistic personality disorder displays core symptoms of denial, shame, unconscious dependency, and control. All these symptoms lead to serious problems in intimate relationships.

While it is true that narcissists and codependents can find each other irresistible, their bonds can only lead to a toxic and unhealthy relationship.

It is also said that while a narcissist can be codependent, the opposite is not true because codependent people do not show a lack of empathy, entitlement, or exploitation.

So, how do you define a narcissist and a codependent?

Narcissist and Codependent Infographic

Who is a narcissist and who is dependent?

In simple words, narcissists and codependents have different behavioral patterns but have the same needs. Both types of people suffer because of their inability to feel who they really are.

They often rely on others to define their identity. As such, they hold others’ opinions of themselves in high esteem.

People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) develop an intense and exclusive focus on themselves. They may not show any respect or compassion for others, except when it comes to themselves.

They usually need someone else to constantly boost their ego and self-confidence. To do this, they need a constant flow of affection and admiration towards them. This is “narcissistic supply.”

Codependent people, on the other hand, have a strong need to focus on others. They may also feel that their only motto in life is to serve others, so much so that they often come across as controlling.

This controlling behavior of codependent people stems from the fact that they believe they know what is best for everyone. They don’t care much about praise. However, they crave gratitude and a feeling of being “wanted and wanted.”

How do these behavior patterns arise?

At this point, it must be noted that no one is born dependent or narcissistic. These traits are mostly a result of childhood experiences. Children who have parents who are verbally abusive, ignorant, codependent, or narcissistic can easily form these habits.

However, not everyone reacts to this in the same way. For example, two children growing up in a family with these parents could have different traits.

One may develop patterns of low self-esteem and self-reliance believing that their life is not worth anything unless it can be useful to others, while another may form inflated self-esteem as a protective mechanism against abuse.

Signs of narcissists and dependent people

5 Signs of narcissistic people

Yes. Although you can’t tell if a person is a narcissist within a few minutes of meeting them, there are several indicators that will help you see them for what they are over a longer period.

1. You must be better than everyone
   Initially, narcissists have little ego, which requires a lot of reassurance. Most often, they portray an overly inflated ego that is merely a cover for how they feel.

The only way they can feed their ego is to make others feel unimportant so they can feel big and more important.

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you will notice that everything they say or do has only one purpose – their satisfaction.

They always need to feel that they are better than others, which makes them have no compassion or concern for anyone else.

2. Manipulation
   People with narcissistic personality disorder are also master manipulators. They can effortlessly twist and bend any reality to achieve their goal. Even when they are caught, they show no shame and continue trying to manipulate others.

3. Selfishness
   A person who is not ashamed to manipulate, lie to, and belittle others just to inflate their ego and find pleasure is a very selfish and self-centered person. They do not hesitate to use or abuse anyone to achieve their goal, and show no compassion towards others.

If they see you in pain, it just reassures them that they have control over you. Therefore, the more pain you express, the more powerful they feel.

4. Entitlement
   Narcissists feel they deserve everything: your time, your life, your possessions, and even the air you breathe. Their sense of entitlement makes them believe that they can control everything and that they own you.

In addition, they also feel that the world revolves around them and for them. If not, there will be retaliation and backlash.

5. General appearance
   One of the most important and dangerous characteristics of narcissistic people is their ability to charm everyone. They seem particularly attractive, kind, charismatic and intelligent.

You can never judge what they are capable of just by looking at them. They will present themselves as kind and considerate at first just so you can open up to them about your weaknesses and insecurities — information they can benefit from later.

5 Signs to Spot Codependent People

naturally. Just like narcissistic people, codependents also have a certain set of traits that set them apart from others. As we know now, codependent people cannot value themselves, and therefore, they spend their entire lives trying to meet the needs of others.

They need to constantly care about others in order to feel their value.

1. Define themselves through others
   Everything about Al-Itamadi’s life is about someone else. They live their lives through someone else. Essentially, they have no sense of self. Their whole purpose in life is to help others and be there for someone else.

In doing so, they often expect the same in return. While it is normal to care about someone you love or try to please someone you truly care about, codependent people believe they have no alternative.

2. Inability to draw boundaries
   As humans, we all need boundaries between ourselves and others. Although imaginary in nature, these boundaries help define what is yours and what is not. However, codependent people find it very difficult to set boundaries.

These people feel that they are always responsible for the feelings or concerns of everyone around them. They also believe that it is their responsibility to make others feel better or solve their problems, even when no one asks them to do so.

3. Control of nature
   Codependents exercise control over themselves in order to feel safe. Although everyone wants a certain amount of control in their lives to avoid uncertainty and chaos, control limits their ability to share their feelings and take risks.

Moreover, as we discussed earlier, these people tend to control others to help them. People pleasing and caring for people are two important ways in which they learn to control and manipulate those around them.

Alternatively, they can also become bossy and tell others what they should and shouldn’t do – because they think they know what’s best for you.

4. Dysfunctional communication
   Although it may be harmful to their mental health, codependent people lack a basic sense of connection.

They find it very difficult to communicate their thoughts and feelings for two main reasons – first, they do not usually know what they are thinking, feeling or needing, and second, they do not want to admit the truth for fear of upsetting others. .

They would rather pretend that everything is fine than say, “I don’t like this.”

5. Dependency
   Codependents depend on others to feel needed. They need the help of others so that those around them can make them feel loved or appreciated. Abandonment and rejection are their biggest fears.

They always need to be in a relationship or with someone. Failure to do so leaves them depressed and anxious.

This special trait makes it difficult for them to get out of relationships, no matter how bad or harmful the relationship is. As a result, they end up feeling trapped.

Can you be “narcissistic and codependent” at the same time?

As shown above, codependency and narcissism are not always the opposite. In fact, for certain reasons, they feel exactly the same. There is a fine line between wanting to be needed and needing to feel important all the time.

However, a narcissistic person is more likely to have codependent traits than codependent people to be narcissistic. But this is not entirely true.

A codependent person may sometimes display narcissistic patterns. For example, a person may become dependent in his marriage and feel the need to fulfill his wife’s every desire and need. However, he may show narcissistic tendencies in dealing with his children, always demanding praise and respect from them.

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Codependents lack their sense of self. Instead, everything they do revolves around someone else’s needs, ideas, and problems. Likewise, people with narcissistic personality disorder also do not recognize their true selves. Instead, they identify with their “ideal” selves.

They both depend on others for validation—codependents seek this through appreciation and gratitude, while narcissists demand a sense of superiority by belittling others.

Ironically, narcissists crave validation and appreciation from others and have an enormous appetite for admiration, despite portraying themselves with high self-esteem. This makes them dependent on others for recognition or as it is called narcissistic supply.