Neurodiversity indicates a brain that works differently than typical brains. A divergent person may have mental health issues or learning disabilities that provide them with unique strengths and challenges. People with ADHD, autism, dyslexia, and Tourette syndrome are considered neurologically complex, as well as certain long-term mental health conditions, such as depression and borderline personality disorder (BPD).
With that said, no two straight-brained people are the same. Everyone has a distinct personality, and you shouldn’t assume that anyone has certain symptoms or behaviors.
There is nothing wrong with nervous brains. At one point, we lived in a society that was more stigmatized for these differences. Today, we realize that different neuroscientists simply have different combinations of strengths and weaknesses.
Common signs of neurodiversity
Neurodiversity is the umbrella term for the ramified population of nerves. It is not a clinical diagnosis, and symptoms can be present with or without other diagnoses. A combination of genetic and environmental factors likely plays a role in neural divergence.
Some of the main symptoms of neurodiversity include:
Speech and language delays or challenges
Learning disabilities (in any subject)
The ability to think and act flexibly
Sensitivity to different sensations or experiences
Simplifying behaviors (swaying back and forth, unusual hand movements, repetitive phrases)
Difficulties in social settings
Keep in mind that these symptoms can range in severity and frequency, and may be most noticeable during stressful situations.
Divergent people can have difficulties living in our mainstream society. However, their cerebral differences provide several strengths, including:
Unique thinking that often leads to innovative problem solving
The ability to focus for long periods
High skills in recognizing patterns, shapes, and behaviors
Strong attention to detail
Strong skills in the arts, music, science, and technology
Does narcissism fall under neuroticism?
When you think about the major signs of neuroticism, narcissists do not meet these criteria. Additionally, narcissists are, in many ways, quite adept at “faking their behavior” to the outside world. They can often hide their abusive “symptoms” to ensure they receive attention and sympathy from others. This is why they get away with their behavior so often!
A neurotic person generally cannot “hide” how their brain works. They may try to engage in masking behavior because they do not want to be treated badly. But in many cases, close loved ones can say something different.
Furthermore, narcissism is not a disability and does not fit into the realm of neurodiversity. Grouping it with other conditions reduces the devastating effects of narcissistic abuse. The only kind of people who would argue that narcissism should be considered within neurodiversity topics is probably narcissists themselves!
And think about it this way: Do you want to condone narcissistic abuse? Do you want narcissists to have another reason to justify their harmful actions? Many people feel bad about thinking they are the problem while their narcissistic parent, spouse, or friend gets away with their terrible behavior.
Mental health issues should never tolerate abuse
We can argue about diagnoses and symptoms, but it’s still important to set these final criteria: No matter how one person’s brain works or doesn’t work, no one has the right to abuse another.
This applies whether the person is narcissistic, autistic, or has any other condition. Everyone is responsible for being responsible for their actions. If you don’t expect others to be responsible for how they treat others, what precedent are you setting in your relationships?
Be wary of an abuser who blames his or her hostile behavior on mental illness. Many of them will use the diagnosis as a way to justify their harmful actions. In recent years, narcissists—particularly those who display higher levels of self-awareness—will quickly blame their narcissism or other mental health issues for their decisions.
This kind of blaming is another form of manipulation. They want you to feel sorry for them. They know, on some level, they messed up. But they are not interested in making things right.
Instead, they are interested in regaining your forgiveness and moving forward quickly to get back to their comfortable status quo. You are now stuck between trying to validate the abuser’s experience while dealing with their abuse. This puts you in a permanent losing position.
Narcissism is not neuroticism
Everyone seems to be throwing around the word narcissist these days. This mental illness has become commonplace, and people use it to denigrate former partners or condemn an act they hate.
But narcissism is not a neurotic difference. It’s a serious and complex issue, and the cheapness of the term only makes it easier for true narcissists to get away with their actions.
Many different neuroses indeed suffer in social settings. At first glance, their behaviors may appear selfish or hostile. To the untrained eye, ignoring someone or responding insignificantly can seem narcissistic.
But the main difference is that narcissists thrive on manipulating others. They seek power and control above all else and use other people to satisfy their emotional needs. Other neurotic people don’t think that way. They are simply trying to make themselves comfortable in a world that often feels uncomfortable.
It is insulting — and dangerous — to classify narcissists as dichotomous. While narcissists can be neuroticists—and vice versa—you should never assume that someone automatically fits into both categories.
Remember this: most neurotic people aren’t abusive, but most narcissists are. Different people struggle with nerves in social settings and try to cope by calming themselves. Narcissistic people often struggle in social settings and try to cope by harming others.
Only aggressive narcissists value having supplies
When you look at the ramified set of neurobehaviors, most of them focus on how people process information, communicate with others, and cope when they feel overwhelmed.
But only narcissists need supply. Their lives lack vitality—beneath their stately surface, there is a hollow void that always feels empty. They rely on others to temporarily fill that void, but the problem is that your love, kindness, or sex is never enough (even if they swear at it).
But because they do not want to sit with their emptiness, narcissists continue to drain the energies of others. They take and take and take, not wanting to give anything in return. If they give you something back, it will be on their terms or it will eventually be used against you. There is no mutual ebb and flow of love or connection.
Most abusers rely on deception
Unlike other neurotic people, narcissists quite literally depend on lies to maintain their image and function in their daily lives.
They lie to themselves and lie to others. They lie so freely that they can hardly distinguish fact from fiction.
Narcissists are known for making promises they know they will never keep. They swear up and down that they will change even though no effort is made to do so. They tell stories about themselves that are so far from the truth that it seems ridiculous that they would even share them in the first place.
But if I lie to them and they find out? I finish. Prepare yourself for narcissistic rage. When narcissist doesn’t get what they want, they react with any combination of sheer blast, passive aggression, gaslighting, or smearing.
Other people indeed lie (that does not make them narcissistic). But most people who lie feel bad about it. They feel remorse because they feel guilty and realize that lying is morally wrong. Narcissists rarely think this way. For them, their lies are fully justified.
And when someone catches them in a lie, they don’t own it. Most of the time, they simply continue to lie about the lie! If they apologize, it’s because they don’t want to get in trouble – not because they feel bad.
final thoughts
If you love someone who offends you, there is a good chance that they are trying to get your approval or sympathy. They may use specific terms to justify their behavior. They may even try to portray you as a bad person if you cannot accept their “mental illness.”
Narcissism is not neuroticism. Remember that no one has the right to mistreat anyone. It’s always wrong, and it often evolves. If someone got away with it once, they usually keep doing it over and over again.
You deserve so much more than that emotional abuse. Breaking free from an abusive relationship may be the hardest thing you will ever do, but it will also be one of the most rewarding decisions you will ever make. Everyone has the innate ability to heal themselves. But you will likely need outside support to heal the trauma that impedes your ability to indulge in this gift.
I cover applications and theories in all of these areas in the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program, which has been voted a favorite by professionals in the psychological community. Therapists refer their clients to this program.
As you work through the program, you will experience freedom of expression, radical self-care, and self-confidence.
The relationship between you and your inner cheerleader will become more like a best friend.
Your true self will be revealed to you in a way you never imagined before. There’s a good chance that you’ll start loving the person standing in the mirror, keeping promises to yourself, and celebrating your choices over time.
