I just gave up on narcissism.
It is certainly exceptionally effective at explaining some people’s behavior, and it is certainly complex and fascinating. But it is also mired in so much myth, misinformation, and confusion that fighting it has become like wading through mud.
The most recent example comes from author Christine Dombeck, who writes that narcissism is just something people use to label others in order to feel good about themselves. As anyone who has been in a relationship with a narcissist knows, narcissism is unfortunately real, and it has real consequences. With thousands of research articles on this topic, not to mention thousands of stories from people who have been hurt by narcissists, it is amazing that anyone is still discussing this.
Dombeck also perpetuates a number of other myths about narcissism that are completely wrong, but don’t seem to want to die.
For example: That narcissism is a cover for low self-esteem. At least for grandiose narcissism—the type that Keith Campbell and I write about in The Narcissism Epidemic—the research is very clear: narcissism is linked to high self-esteem, not low. Even when self-esteem is subtly measured by implicit measures, narcissism is associated with high self-esteem.
According to Minnesota Public Radio, Dombeck wrote: “When Twenge and her collaborators compared scores of narcissism with scores of self-esteem, they found that both rose together. This raised the problem of what they found, given that narcissism had long been considered a cover for low self-esteem. What they were measuring was narcissism, Twenge decided that 100 years of qualitative research was wrong.
This is actually so untrue that it is laughable. There was no “problem”. The Narcissistic Personality Inventory—the measure used in the study that showed higher scores—was consistently associated with high self-esteem. This has been found since the early 1990s. I have not “decided” anything, this research has been done by others, much of it years before our study was conducted.
I’m also not entirely sure what you mean by “100 years of qualitative research”. Freudian theories are not research. Additionally, we’re very explicit in the book that we’re focusing on grandiose narcissism, not the vulnerable narcissism that clinicians often think about.
The idea that most narcissists are actually insecure is not only wrong, it’s dangerous. Many people believe that if they truly cover up their broken self, they can be healed with love. Unfortunately, this is not true for the majority of narcissists, and giving them too much love usually leads to heartbreak.
Dombeck also seemed to think that we should “doubt” whether what we were measuring was narcissism. The NPI, which we used in the study, is a measure of narcissistic personality used in 80% of research studies. Almost everything we know about how narcissists behave is based on this procedure. If not narcissism, what is?
At another point in her article, she mentioned a teenager who appeared on MTV’s My Super Sweet Sixteen, which we featured as an example in The Narcissism Epidemic. (The teen wanted to close the street during her party even though there was a hospital that patients wouldn’t be able to get to.) “Two years later, I became the premier exhibit in the narcissism epidemic,” Dombeck wrote. “They argued that Alisson was a role model for the generation now poised to rule the world – also known as Generation Me.” Except we never claimed it was typical. It’s an extreme example, not the average. Calling it “Exhibit A” is also a gross exaggeration: the data on narcissism and its correlates were in Evidence A.
Related : 4 Signs You’re Dealing With A ‘Leech’ Narcissist
People also still relate to studies conducted in 2008 and 2010 that purportedly showed that narcissism had not risen – even though both show the same rise as we found when the data is properly analyzed (see here and here). The last paper was published in 2010, so the so-called “debate” has been over for six years. Yet it still comes. Even if you decide to set aside our study showing the rise in NPI scores, there’s still a huge amount of evidence (detailed here ) for a rise in positive self-views, as well as a more recent study from Korea here.
No matter how false they may seem, myths about narcissism never seem to die. It doesn’t seem to matter how much evidence there is. I can keep fighting these myths, or I can move on. I choose the latter – I think I’m done with narcissism.
