the main points
Those who grow up with the purest form of emotional neglect tend to end up overly self-absorbed and self-absorbed.
A form of emotional neglect fuels the development of a narcissistic personality.
People who experienced any form of emotional neglect in childhood can recover.

Many describe Clint as somewhat arrogant. He tends to put himself first, without seeming to notice how this affects those around him. He has announced that he is the CEO of his company and earns a lot of money. Clint has very few close friends, and will never admit, even to himself, that deep down he doubts his worth and feels inferior to others.

Millie is known for being unselfish and compassionate towards everyone she meets. She is an ESL teacher, very involved in her school, and well-liked by students and staff because she “goes with the flow” and “never causes a fuss.” While Millie seems to have it all together, inside she struggles. She feels empty and lonely.

Clint and Millie are complete opposites. Clint is controlling, nonchalant, and loves attention and praise. Mel is selfless, highly empathetic, and has trouble speaking for herself.

However, both of them were affected by childhood emotional neglect. Those who experienced emotional neglect in childhood grew up in families where their feelings were ignored, belittled, or invalidated.

For Millie, growing up in an environment that lacked emotional awareness or recognition left her lacking in emotional skills in adulthood. She knew her parents cared for her, but she felt strangely disconnected from the emotional emptiness that represented childhood emotional neglect. She is not sufficiently aware of her feelings, needs, desires or preferences. They, in turn, are highly adaptable and overly adaptable to others. She finds it difficult to say no and put herself first.

For Clint, growing up in an environment with little empathy, with his emotions invalidated and punished, left him lacking in empathy in adulthood. He only felt love from his parents when he accomplished something. He worked his way to get his parents’ attention, seeking the spotlight to feel some kind of connection and worth. He is very aware of his needs, desires, and preferences because he felt he had to fight to see them seen by his parents, who actively excluded them.

Both Mellie and Clint experienced versions of childhood emotional neglect. Millie’s emotional neglect involved an absence of emotional recognition and awareness in her childhood home, while Clint’s emotional neglect manifested as negative consequences of the presence of emotions in his childhood home.

Childhood emotional neglect at work

Millie was 10 years old when her best friend, Delia, died of cancer. She was confused, sad, and lonely, but she didn’t know how to express those feelings. Her parents didn’t talk about their feelings, nor did they offer Millie much emotional support during this devastating time of loss. She’s had the monumental task of dealing with this tragedy pretty much on her own.

Millie grew up in an emotional void, and learned that her feelings were simply unimportant. Because her parents didn’t recognize them, she pushed them down. She has lost access to her own feelings and needs, and has become very good at focusing on the feelings and needs of others. She felt empty inside, but she couldn’t put her finger on why.

Clint was bullied by his older brothers often as a child. He was crying for his parents, but they showed no sympathy. They’ll say things like “Tighten up!” or “You’re a crybaby!” He wanted his parents to understand and believe him (as all children need from their parents) but no matter how hard he tried to get their attention or approval, he was constantly left unnoticed or even effectively shut down.

In his attempts to feel loved by his parents, Clint becomes a high achiever. He was getting compliments for going straight, dating the prom queen, or winning awards. If his team was on a losing streak, his father would refuse to attend games for the rest of the season. If he got a bad grade, his parents would call him “lazy” and tell him he “better start looking for jobs at fast food restaurants.”

Clint lived to prove that he mattered. He discovered that he would feel important when he was in the spotlight, doing something big and impressive for others. He felt incredibly vulnerable when he wasn’t taken care of.

Millie and Clint are two completely different people with two different personality types. However, they share similar beliefs about themselves:

It doesn’t matter.

I am defective.

I am unlovable.

Recovering from childhood emotional neglect

The road to recovery is very possible for both Mellie and even Clint if he becomes motivated. It may be difficult or uncomfortable, but it’s worth it.

Millie needs to understand how childhood emotional neglect affected her relationship with her emotions today. She must go through the process of bringing her feelings to the surface after years of pushing them down. Then, she will be able to learn how to recognize it, accept it, and use it to live her life authentically. He will be able to identify his own wants and needs more easily, and will focus less on the wants and needs of others. Once you realize how important her feelings are, and how important they are, you’ll realize that they matter, too.

Clint will have to go through the same process as Mellie, but he has an extra step to take. He has to understand that he will never find love and worthiness in the spotlight. Instead, he will find it in the feelings and needs that his parents regularly scolded and neglected. Accessing his feelings can allow him to understand the true value of the feelings and needs of others, not just himself. With the drive and desire to change, Clint can begin to realize that praise is not the same as love.