Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how serious or difficult a situation is, people must maintain a positive mindset.
I had no idea what this meant for the longest time. It seemed negative. I refused to believe I was toxic positive — until I looked up the definition and realized it described me perfectly. I didn’t mean to be someone who emanated toxic positivity — and it was pretty sad that society had a negative term to describe people like me.
“Why can’t people see that everything will be okay?” I will think delusional.
Little did I know.
Related: 13 Inescapable Signs Of A Dead-End, Toxic Relationship
Sunlight has been blasting people’s heels for years. I tried my best to convince people not to worry about tomorrow. Don’t worry about today’s problems. Stay positive. Have a sincere mindset. Don’t worry.
I even used to get annoyed when people refused to follow this simple and effective (or so I thought) “don’t worry” practice. Your problems will not go away if you are angry and negative. You will not be able to handle or deal with them.
Just smile and have faith.
But life wasn’t about shining sunshine and “just smile and have faith.” I was pissing off a lot of people. I have no idea.
I started to notice that more and more people were becoming annoyed with me. A relative of mine suggested that I learn to shut up and listen instead of breathing toxic positivity all around.
Although it was difficult, I listened instead of talking and learned to simply say, “I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m here if you need someone to talk to,” instead of spouting unsolicited advice.
That’s all people want: someone to talk to. They didn’t want answers or solutions, and they certainly didn’t want someone to blow their ass during their tough time.
Over time, I became good at just listening and offering a simple “I’m sorry.” I realized that I had to be more aware and respectful of people’s feelings, pain, and struggles.
Because the truth is: that it has become annoying and toxic.
No one wanted to share their pain with me.
No one wanted to listen to my philosophy of life.
You get the message – but not completely.
There was still a little part of me that said, “But wait. Can you at least experience positivity?”
I couldn’t give it up completely.
Related: 13 Inescapable Signs Of A Dead-End, Toxic Relationship
You are my number 1 fan
You have always been a favorite aunt. Wonderful aunt to all my nieces and nephews. I wear this badge with pride. They were all very happy to see me included. I loved them all as if they were my own.
One of my nieces, Emily, has adored me her whole life. You were her idol. She looked at me and worshiped the ground I walked on. As I became a young woman and then a wife and mother, we grew apart a little.
She had her views on life, her struggles, and her demons. I never understood why she never reached out to me when she needed help. Surely, if she had taken a minute to listen to what I had to say, she would have fewer troubles and fewer worries, wouldn’t she?
Until one day it all exploded in my face and I unleashed a rage I had never seen before.
I knew Emily had some mental health issues but I didn’t know how bad they were. If only I were more compassionate. If only I would “shut up and listen.”
Facebook is a great place to share fun things, recipes, and life’s precious moments, as well as the not-so-fun stuff, like your secrets and struggles. It is an online forum where, unfortunately, many disagreements start, and friendships and relationships are lost and disappear forever.
Related: 10 Huge Things You Need To Know About Leaving A Toxic Relationship
I have always used Facebook for good. You know, toxic positive things.
However, many people like to broadcast darkness and negativity. I get it. that’s cool. I usually ignore that and block you from my newsfeed. not important.
But one day Emily was throwing up and it was ugly. Ugly. It broke my heart into a million pieces to see her venting and venting her frustrations out in public like that for everyone to see.
Then I let loose and made sure everyone reading knew how toxic I was, how much of a hypocrite I was, and what a liar I was, and I kept at it. It was ugly. This was all coming from the sweet, innocent girl who once adored me to the moon and back.
She blocked my phone number and blocked me from Facebook, and I haven’t spoken to her since. That was two years ago.
She’s not the first family member I’ve lost to my toxic positivity and I’m sure she won’t be the last.
It took a toll on me, but I learned a few things along the way:
I’ve learned that it’s important to have empathy and respect for other people’s feelings and that not everyone is exactly like you.
I’ve learned that we all deal with pain differently and it’s important to respect how people deal with a certain type of pain.
I’ve come a long way, and even though I’m still learning to shut up and listen, there will always be a part of me that whispers, “Please just try my positive way once.”
Related: 3 Scary Signs You’re In A Toxic Relationship And Need To Get Out
