While every marriage has its pros and cons, people who find themselves married to a narcissist often face a unique set of challenges that can leave them feeling stressed, depressed, and trapped in the marriage.
What is narcissistic personality disorder?
While it is common to have self-confidence and want to be recognized by others, people with narcissistic personality disorder often take things to extremes.
According to the APA’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), when a person exhibits five or more of the following characteristics, they may be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder:
Grandeur and a strong sense of self-importance
Believing they are special
A sense of entitlement
The tendency to fantasies about success, beauty, or power
The need for excessive admiration
Arrogant attitudes and behaviors
- The tendency to exploit others
Lack of empathy
Envy or belief that others envy them
Common behaviors and traits of narcissistic personality disorder
One-sided talks
Conversations with someone with BPD can make you feel like what you say isn’t important. At first, they may change the subject back to themselves in a secret way that you may not realize. However, over time, the repeated behavior is likely to become more rude, and it may become clear that they don’t care much about your thoughts or feelings.
AttentionAddict
Many people with narcissistic personality disorder have a constant need for attention. They usually expect constant and often excessive admiration and attention.
no limits
A person with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) typically shows little concern for the boundaries of others, and may show willful disregard for their partner’s feelings and desires. They often do not feel guilty about breaking promises or canceling plans that do not serve their own purpose. They may borrow money from friends or family with promises to repay the loan, with no intention of following through. These behaviors may lead to them having few real friends and fragmented relationships with family.
Easily gets angry or frustrated
When things don’t go their way, people with BPD may become frustrated easily. Behavioral and emotional outbursts are often a response to criticism, even if it is intended to be constructive. They are often impatient and can get angry easily if they do not get the attention they think they deserve.
Excessive envy
Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) tend to be obsessed with beauty, status, success, and power. If someone else has something they can’t seem to have, they may show intense envy or jealousy. Although they are envious, they may accuse the other person of envying them. This behavior may be directed at acquaintances and family alike.
There is no middle ground
A person with narcissistic personality disorder often views things in black and white or as pros and cons without compromise. In their eyes, everyone can be a winner or a loser.
Manipulation
People with narcissistic personality disorder can be skilled when it comes to manipulation. They may use fear tactics, “play the victim,” and often belittle others, covering it up as a joke when the person protests.
Delusions of grandeur
People with narcissistic personality disorder often believe that they are superior to everyone else. They often do not view others as their equals, and usually believe that others will never measure up, no matter how hard they try. This illusion can make it difficult for them to experience true, unconditional love.
People with BPD tend to believe that they are unique and that people who are not their equal cannot understand them. Narcissists generally surround themselves with well-educated, professional people, as it feeds their ego to be surrounded by such people.
Gaslighting, an emotionally destructive narcissistic trait
While any form of narcissistic abuse can hurt the victim, gaslighting can be especially harmful. It can be a very effective form of emotional abuse that makes those affected question their instincts, feelings, and even reason. This doubt can give the narcissistic partner a great deal of power. The person gaslighting someone often uses words to spin facts to their advantage.
Gaslighting behavior usually begins very subtly. However, over time, the manipulative narcissistic partner may say things like, “You must be losing your mind. That never happened.”
Gaslighting is a form of narcissistic abuse that can take many forms. Examples of gaslighting behavior include:
Belittling a narcissistic husband who gaslights his wife may make his wife’s feelings seem unimportant. For example, they might say something inappropriate, like: “Here we come up with another one of your crazy ideas.”
Withholding: This occurs when the abusive partner pretends to not understand what is being said or refuses to listen. They might say, “I don’t want to hear that again. It’s the same thing over and over again.”
Confrontation: Confrontation occurs when the narcissist questions his or her spouse’s memory of events. Even if his wife remembers accurately, the narcissist may say he doesn’t remember. For example, they might say: “You’re wrong. Why can’t you get the facts right?”
Denial: No matter how much evidence supports the obvious, a person with narcissistic personality disorder may pretend to have forgotten the details of something that happened or deny saying things they said or promised their partner. They might say, “You’re always making things up,” or “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Do you constantly criticize yourself?
Do you feel the need to lie to avoid the vagaries of reality and your husband’s disdain?
Do you realize that you can never do anything right?
Do you feel confused or crazy, especially in situations involving your husband?
Do you always feel the need to apologize to your husband, even if you’re not sure why?
Most communities have a local mental health clinic where services are available without a referral. But for some, the idea of meeting someone face to face may be scary or even unsafe. If you need to talk to someone but don’t feel comfortable meeting with a counselor or therapist in person, online counseling is an effective alternative.
BetterHelp matches people with licensed, trained, and experienced mental health care professionals who will work with you to develop a care plan tailored to your needs. You can communicate with the therapist from home or anywhere else you feel safe and comfortable via phone, text, video chat, and online messaging, and the therapist will get back to you as soon as possible.
